Twin Cities Mom Collective

I Just Don’t See It

A friend came over for a play date the other day with her son and newborn baby. The first thing she said when she walked in the door was, “Sorry for my greasy hair.”

But I just didn’t see it.

We hosted a group of friends for dinner. I made a variety of kid-friendly foods including my daughter’s beloved chicken nuggets with a side of mac & cheese. The kiddos sat, ate two bites, and went back to playing as their food turned cold. My friend grabbed me by the arm and utters under her breath, “I really apologize. I feel bad they didn’t eat anything!”

But I just didn’t see it.

I’m in line behind a mom at the grocery store. She’s trying to wrangle three littles around one overstuffed cart as her baby screams and she fumbles for her wallet in her gigantic tote bag. “Sorry you’re stuck behind me,” she mumbles.

But I just didn’t see it.

The car next to me in the mall parking lot has all their doors open, making it impossible for me to back out. I watch two parents simultaneously buckle their babes into their respective car seats. There are hats flying, shoes being thrown, and coats coming off along with two clearly exasperated parents. “Bet you wish you weren’t next to us right now!” the father bellows from the backseat.

But I just didn’t see it.

You see, motherhood has made me blind. Blind to the little things in life that just don’t matter. I don’t see the Goldfish smashed in your carpet, or the fact that you’ve worn a hat for four days to hide the hair that hasn’t been washed, or the text message you forgot to send me because you were just so tired you went to bed early. I don’t see the play date you forgot about because your schedule is just so full right now, your kid’s pants that are two sizes too small because you haven’t had the chance to get to the mall, or that your gift wasn’t wrapped for my kid’s birthday party because throwing it in a paper bag was so much easier.

Now listen, I’m certainly not always optimistic and I do get irritated from time to time. I’m not perfect when it comes to believing the best about others and I definitely have days when I’m less than positive. But if motherhood has taught me one thing, it’s that I need so much grace. I need people to forgive me. I need people to excuse me in some of the areas I fall short. I need people to love me when I hardly look like I’m making an effort to love them. It’s out of this realization that I realize if I need so much, I need to be able to give the same.

So, you know what I do see?

I see a mom who chose to forgo her to-do list to snuggle her babies

I see a parent trying to create a fun family outing despite the craziness that will ensue

I see a woman who knew a shower wasn’t going be as valuable as another hour of sleep

I see a friend who desperately needs connection more than she needs a clean house

I see people that are simply just trying to do the best they can in this journey of parenting


Can we collectively agree as moms to a few things?

Can we agree to give one another the benefit of the doubt?

Can we stop saying sorry for things just out of feeling obligated?

Can we quit feeling like we need to justify all aspects of our parenting?

Let’s agree to not see where we and other parents fail. Instead, let’s all make the conscious choice to let each other off the hook. Every. Single. Day.

Here’s to changing the world, mama. One extension of kindness at a time.

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Mamabux February 13, 2017 at 3:52 PM

I Just Don’t See It either….but we should also stop apologizing for doing what we should be doing. Kids cry. No sorry needed. Car seats are necessary. No sorry needed. Nobody REALLY wants to go to the supermarket with 3 kids. No sorry there eitner. Let’s stop thinking that we are inconveniencing others with our very important work.

David February 14, 2017 at 1:38 AM

Hey, can we dads get some of this too?

Cathy February 14, 2017 at 9:37 AM

Now that my “baby days” are far behind me and the overwhelming sense of “I’m sorry” has shifted to elder care I can totally identify with your insight. I truly was blind to most of the pressures of childrearing and was happy to make allowances to others in my boat; I need to find that same sense of grace again and understand that I am doing the best I can.

Ginger February 14, 2017 at 12:26 PM

So good! Thanks for this perspective!

Donna February 16, 2017 at 11:23 AM

Lovely! My children are now adults, and I am a grandmother. I was an obsessive cleaner until I had kids. Shortly after the birth of my first daughter, I saw a license plate that read, “Women with clean houses are boring.” It inspired me to prioritize being interesting, over being tidy. I truly do not see messes in others homes, or cars. A friend apologized for the clean laundry pile on her couch, only then did I notice it. Though I no longer feel obliged to apologize for looking disheveled, for clutter, or noisy children… I am sometimes compelled to do so, because too many of today’s young people don’t know how to apologize. To me, it is a good habit.

Daniel February 17, 2017 at 2:56 PM

Great article!!! I loved the part were your asked “Can we quit feeling like we need to justify all aspects of our parenting?”

Moms have no need to justify there actions, just being a mom and trying is more than enough.

Erin February 22, 2017 at 7:42 PM

Great article!!! Love the compassionate message!

Kate February 23, 2017 at 6:08 PM

I love this.. I will soon visit your twin cities and will look out for you and other mum’s just like me, getting by and prioritising the kids fun over the washing up!

Amber February 23, 2017 at 10:27 PM

Just found out I’m pregnant with my second today and definitely feeling the need for some grace! Thank you so much for your beautiful words, mama. xoxo

Sara February 24, 2017 at 2:35 AM

Thank you! This kind of attitude, instead of a judgmental one, makes the world a BETTER place to live in. It’s all about having charity towards one another. Beautifully written.

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