Twin Cities Mom Collective

I Just Don’t See It

A friend came over for a play date the other day with her son and newborn baby. The first thing she said when she walked in the door was, “Sorry for my greasy hair.”

But I just didn’t see it.

We hosted a group of friends for dinner. I made a variety of kid-friendly foods including my daughter’s beloved chicken nuggets with a side of mac & cheese. The kiddos sat, ate two bites, and went back to playing as their food turned cold. My friend grabbed me by the arm and utters under her breath, “I really apologize. I feel bad they didn’t eat anything!”

But I just didn’t see it.

I’m in line behind a mom at the grocery store. She’s trying to wrangle three littles around one overstuffed cart as her baby screams and she fumbles for her wallet in her gigantic tote bag. “Sorry you’re stuck behind me,” she mumbles.

But I just didn’t see it.

The car next to me in the mall parking lot has all their doors open, making it impossible for me to back out. I watch two parents simultaneously buckle their babes into their respective car seats. There are hats flying, shoes being thrown, and coats coming off along with two clearly exasperated parents. “Bet you wish you weren’t next to us right now!” the father bellows from the backseat.

But I just didn’t see it.

You see, motherhood has made me blind. Blind to the little things in life that just don’t matter. I don’t see the Goldfish smashed in your carpet, or the fact that you’ve worn a hat for four days to hide the hair that hasn’t been washed, or the text message you forgot to send me because you were just so tired you went to bed early. I don’t see the play date you forgot about because your schedule is just so full right now, your kid’s pants that are two sizes too small because you haven’t had the chance to get to the mall, or that your gift wasn’t wrapped for my kid’s birthday party because throwing it in a paper bag was so much easier.

Now listen, I’m certainly not always optimistic and I do get irritated from time to time. I’m not perfect when it comes to believing the best about others and I definitely have days when I’m less than positive. But if motherhood has taught me one thing, it’s that I need so much grace. I need people to forgive me. I need people to excuse me in some of the areas I fall short. I need people to love me when I hardly look like I’m making an effort to love them. It’s out of this realization that I realize if I need so much, I need to be able to give the same.

So, you know what I do see?

I see a mom who chose to forgo her to-do list to snuggle her babies

I see a parent trying to create a fun family outing despite the craziness that will ensue

I see a woman who knew a shower wasn’t going be as valuable as another hour of sleep

I see a friend who desperately needs connection more than she needs a clean house

I see people that are simply just trying to do the best they can in this journey of parenting


Can we collectively agree as moms to a few things?

Can we agree to give one another the benefit of the doubt?

Can we stop saying sorry for things just out of feeling obligated?

Can we quit feeling like we need to justify all aspects of our parenting?

Let’s agree to not see where we and other parents fail. Instead, let’s all make the conscious choice to let each other off the hook. Every. Single. Day.

Here’s to changing the world, mama. One extension of kindness at a time.

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Megan February 11, 2017 at 7:41 AM

Thank you for this post! I’m a single mother of two and i really needed this right now.

Janice Judd February 11, 2017 at 10:38 AM

This story touched my heart. I have been the caretaker of a very sick 82 year old very ill husband. Lot of the same things apply. He is like taking care of a child. I need to learn to quit saying I am sorry. Janice

Ara February 11, 2017 at 9:11 PM

This was so lovely. – today my grands called and said “Sweetie come play!” I looked in the mirror and thought “it’ll be ok”, my white thinning hair needed some help and my wrinkles could of used some cover but my four oldest (ages 5,4,3 1/2, 3) were playing without me – so I changed into my paint shirt because we needed to complete a project for their parents and headed up the hill. The youngest (1) joined us a little later toddling amongst her siblings and cousins it was a beautiful bright day here. We played for hours,they are my sunshine ! I will tell you my hair needs a hat but my face it’s had a natural lift and sunshine facial. The project will wait till tomorrow. So will the house and some of my friends. Anyone else I hope they just don’t see what should be done and look at the most wonderful accomplishments of my life – my family. I married young – I was a good wife, better mother and lousy house keeper I’ve improved in all areas and today I’m a fabulous grandmother and I don’t care what others see because when I look into the faces of my Grands I see all I need LOVE.

Melinda February 19, 2017 at 8:50 PM

I love this!!! The world needs more grandmas like you!

DPearsall February 12, 2017 at 5:15 AM

“Take all the time you need, I’ve been there” is my usual response to harried young parents. My husband was career Army and I took my kids around the world and back, usually alone, in the days before cell phones. Ponytail, dark glasses and red lipstick got me through many bad hair, no sleep days. My kids grew up to be flexible and kind.

Kaff February 12, 2017 at 8:03 AM

So true. Just a shame most of my friends aren’t mamas yet and I think see all of it! X

Rachel February 12, 2017 at 3:19 PM

Amen! 🙂 <3 I'm not a mother but I've learned that mercy and kindness and love is the best choice always. To show this to everyone. When we look at someone with love, they see themselves as worth something, beautiful and full of more potential than they thought possible. I learned this from Jesus and from growing up in community at Rose Creek Village.

Shannon February 12, 2017 at 11:34 PM

I love this and I needed this!

Brittney February 13, 2017 at 12:18 AM

So so so true!! and WHY do we apologize for so much!? Thank you for this- such great reminders. I need grace all day every day.

Amanda February 13, 2017 at 5:40 AM

It makes me smile to see parenting happening anywhere I go, and I try to give a smile when it seems like the whole world is judging you. Thank you for these words.
And totally can’t see it most of the time, because I’m well in the thick of it.

Old school thinking February 13, 2017 at 1:49 PM

My mom (I’m her son) shared with me the advise her father gave to her. Pretty simple really; Never apologize for your kids or your house.

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