The Family Table

How long ago was it that you last looked at your phone or checked something on the computer? (or iPad or whatever devices you have around the house) 5 minutes? 15? Maybe 30.

Now think about the last time you spent time with your family without social media or an electronic device. I don’t mean just not looking at your phone, but where it’s not even in your line of sight. It’s probably been awhile if we’re all going to be honest. In a recent study, it was found that between the TV, phones, tablets, and computers, children spend an average of 6.5 hours a day in front of a screen – and for some adults, it’s twice that amount of time. That’s over HALF OF YOUR DAY.

As I start to prepare (myself, mostly) for my oldest to go to preschool, I’ve been really thinking hard about whether or not the time I spend with him is truly quality time. I find myself snapping pictures and getting distracted by making sure I upload photos to my social media accounts. Or, because I work from home, I find that a lot of my attention is distracted attention – I’m on my phone, I’m checking email, I’m researching, and talking to him out of the corner of my mouth. In the big picture, my time with my kids is so much more important and valuable than that. Growing up, we had our parents’ full attention. We had three phones in our house – and they were all attached to the wall and only had push-button numbers. I actually remember when my dad brought home our first TV with a (gasp!) remote control. And we got 25 channels! I also remember getting our first computer and my first cell phone. My generation was the last to know what it’s really like to have quality time with our friends and family. It wasn’t even “quality time” back then – it was just time. It’s what we did.

That’s why I’ve started to implement the concept of The Family Table. To me, it’s more than just sitting down together and eating a quick meal. I’ve started to incorporate my oldest into the prep of dinner. We talk about where the food comes from, how we cook it, how the food feels in our hands. Is it hard to expect a toddler to sit down for a long meal, especially when there are baseball games going on (literally) in our backyard? Yes, super hard. But we make sure that at a minimum, our phones are out of sight, the TV is off, computers are shut, and we talk about our day. We ask questions – What was your favorite thing about the day? What do you want to do tomorrow? What’s the best thing on your plate? And I can promise that we will do this, every night that it’s possible, as the kids get older. Our questions will change, attitudes will be difficult sometimes, and maybe (sadly) there will come a time when they don’t want to help me cook. But we’re building the foundation now and setting the expectations for real family time. And we try to continue this everyday until the kids go to bed. After dinner, Elliott plays guitar to the boys while they’re in the bathtub, we read books before bed, and once they’re sleeping, we are free to jump back into the world of technology to veg out for an hour before we end our day.

Technology has set ridiculous expectations for everyone… you’re expected to respond immediately to things. If someone can’t reach you via text, they start to worry something’s wrong or maybe you’re mad at them. Do you remember that time when you didn’t even have an answering machine or caller ID? I hated it at the time (because, well, “everyone” else had those luxuries), but I find myself wishing now that it wasn’t that way. If you live your life that way now, people think you’re weird.

I know that for some, this might not be an easy task – you’re running like a chicken with your head cut off because of sports and other extracurriculars. Sometimes your meals might be “on the go” and picked up through a drive-thru. But regardless of where your dinner is, I encourage you to find that time in your day where you focus on just you – your family, your spouse/significant other, your pet even! Find time in your day to “get back to your roots” when technology wasn’t so prevalent. Not only will this get you closer to your family and set a good example for your kids, it’ll help you, too, in many ways. Facebook and Twitter will still be there, but your time with your family is limited as kids get older, go to school, have their own friends, and eventually move out. Try it out for a week, and then let me know how your experience with The Family Table is going!