Splitting Pairs – Twins in Kindergarten

A couple very obvious misconceptions that I’ve personally encountered as a mother of twins are:
1) They like the same things. 
2) They’re inseparable.

To some extent, this may be true… just like it might be for your average siblings who were not born minutes apart. But, I have to giggle at some of the curious “twin” comments I’ve heard, related to the above misconceptions. Most recently…

STRANGER: “Oh, she’s eating grapefruit? The other one must like it too, huh?” ME: “No, she doesn’t really.” STRANGER: (look of surprise and shock) “Oh?! Wow, that’s interesting.”

Maybe it’s just Minnesota-nice small-talk, but these nice moments of chitchat made me realize quickly that “twins” are frequently put in a category of being “one”. They are a set, they came together, they go together, they are referred to and treated as one… more often than you would imagine. So, as their parents, we’ve been making it a point to spend time focusing on them individually. However, as conversations about school began, we didn’t even fathom “splitting” them. In fact, if anyone asked, “Will they be in different classes?” I would get a knot in my stomach and respond with a lip-wrinkled forehead-scrunching grimace as to say, “No way”. I mean, they are a set, they came together, and they go together– so we unintentionally treated them as one.

Then, pre-school came along.

As a stay-at-home-mom with a personal passion for teaching my own kids, I didn’t even consider pre-school initially. But, when a kindergarten readiness assessment told us they could be ready for Kindergarten in the fall, we decided to test the waters in a pre-school program that luckily had two openings, mid-year. Quickly, they were thriving and we started preparing for Kindergarten in the fall.

But, after talking with parents and educators, it became clear that putting our girls in separate classrooms for Kindergarten wasn’t such a bad idea. Honestly, it was heartbreaking to think about splitting them, but we knew it would be the right thing to do for our children. The news took all summer for my girls to digest. With each conversation, their timid and sad eyes were followed by aggressively tight hugs as if they were literally being ripped apart – not making our decision easy at all. After they met their teachers, acceptance to split happened shortly after. They have their “own” teacher, in an environment where they can make their own friends, and have their own experiences – and this excites them!

So, why did we decide to split? Here are the three reasons that have helped us validate our decision to split our twins for Kindergarten:

Two Different Personalities

They truly love being with each other, but they are very different kids with two different personalities! They learn differently and need attention and praise in unique ways. While in pre-school I learned quickly (observing in the classroom and conferences) that the teachers get a very different side of both of my children. Yes, kids act differently around other people. Makes sense. But what I was hearing and seeing wasn’t an accurate description of each girl. I completely expected and continue to expect to learn new things about my children, from other people. But, this was my turning point, all of the observations I made and heard from the teachers, are easily flipped when they are not together. The one who is perceived as quiet and uninterested is indeed pretty social when she wants to be, and incredibly observant. The loud one who will make a friend in a second is sensitive and so curious. While these traits often balance each other out in our home, they seemed to be hindered a bit in a classroom setting, where comparing, competing, and the newest feelings of jealousy are somewhat subconscious. With school being an environment where they will eventually spend most of their days, I started questioning their individual needs.

Opportunity for Independent Growth and Confidence

My mind and heart began to race with our next steps. We all want our kids to flourish, to be confident, happy and healthy, and to really enjoy learning. Little growing brains are miraculous, spongy and full of space for more – all the time. But just like fingerprints, there are no two identical brains in this world. But I can see how easy it is to think twins are so similar, to compare without intention, and to make assumptions that are inaccurate based on only what you see. Especially when they tend to mimic one another and feed off each other. This copy-cat behavior can inhibit true identities. As the mom who knows them well, I could even see how their personal growth and confidence were slightly affected. I knew that my kids needed a learning space to call their own, a space that would give them a healthy break from one another, allowing themselves to shine individually. We’ve only just started Kindergarten this fall. So far, splitting them has given them such a great opportunity for independent growth and confidence!

Ownership in Learning and Discovery.

The idea of giving my children an opportunity to shine alone makes me so happy. They need to know that they are capable of doing things without one another. They need to know that no matter what or where they are, they will always have each other. There is a pride in ownership that can’t be taught – it must be experienced on one’s own terms. When they accomplish a task on their own, without persuasion, that feeling of pride for owning their choices and owning their results is something that I’ve already seen in both children.

Now, when people ask, “Are they in the same class?”, an awkward smile starts to form and I probably respond with an eyebrow-raising mouth-puckering joy as to say, “No! …and they love it!”. It’s a great reminder that I am their cheerleader and biggest supporter, as they navigate a new world just a little farther apart from one another.