So Many Choices

It’s been almost 15 years since I’ve been mom to a baby.  It doesn’t seem like things would be that different these days, but I’m constantly amazed at all of the new challenges facing baby mamas today.  I’m overwhelmed and exhausted just reading about all of the options and decisions and complexities that you’re faced with.

The biggest decisions I remember making were about breastfeeding, car seats and strollers.  Of course you all still have to worry about those things, but they seem minor in comparison to some of the other choices new moms are faced with these days: whether to let your baby cry it out or not, whether to practice baby-led food weaning, whether you want to co-sleep with your baby, whether to make your own baby food (and whether it should be organic), whether you should use cloth or disposable diapers, and many, many other decisions.

I’m sure many of these choices existed in my baby mama era, but I wasn’t nearly as aware of them as mom’s are today.  We got our advice and information from books and phone calls with moms that had come before us.  Now there are websites, blogs, eBooks, Facebook groups and other easily accessible sources of information…right at your fingertips.  All day, all night, all the time.  And if the information is there, you’re supposed to read and use it, right?

There are so many great things about having all of this information at your fingertips, but I worry that it also puts a lot of pressure on new moms.  You have the ability to research the pros and cons and reviews of almost anything…so you do.  You read about what other moms are doing and the choices they’re making…so you compare yourself to them.  You’re more aware of all of the decisions you think you’re supposed to make…so you stress.  You hear a lot of opinions and stories….and judgments.  Social media gives people a platform to not only to share information, but also a very public outlet to judge and critique other moms’ decisions and their chosen way of life.  The “mommy wars” are meaner and easier to start than they ever were in my day.

I don’t dispute the value of online information or social media, but I have a perspective to share with today’s baby mamas: don’t sweat it.  Notice I didn’t say “don’t sweat the small stuff” because I know these decisions are big decisions for you, your baby and your family.  But gosh – please stop putting so much pressure on yourselves.  In the scheme of your child’s lifetime, I promise you there are many, many big decisions to be made.  What is it that they say?  It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and that is never more true than with motherhood.  There are miles of turning points, peaks and valleys to come and you want to be sure to set a pace for yourself that you can sustain.

I’m certainly no expert, but as a mom a few years ahead of you, I’d suggest a few questions to consider when you’re faced with these decisions:

• Will this decision make a difference in my child’s life when they’re 5, 10, 15, or 20 years old?
• Can I keep up with the workload that this decision will bring on?
• Will it create more stress in our household?  Will it allow me to have more quality time with my baby?
• What (or who) is driving this decision?  Is it something I really care about or is it something I think I should care about?

As I said in my previous blog post, from Teens to Toddlers, enjoy the stage you’re in because it will change soon enough.  In thinking more about this topic, I should add something about looking ahead to that next stage.  That next mile of the marathon.  Surround yourself with cheerleaders who will support you at every mile, even the ones where you choose to walk and not run.

I know you don’t need one more opinion and you certainly don’t need my approval, but I want to give you this gift of permission:

• I give you permission to not care about every baby decision mom bloggers or your friends care about.
• I give you permission to not research all of the pros and cons of something and just go with your gut.
• I give you permission to not share or post every decision or opinion you have on Facebook.
• And I give you permission to not care what everyone else thinks or what everyone else is doing, but to instead to do what’s best for your baby and your family.

And I ask of you this:  support your fellow moms and the choices they make for their family.   Instead of the “mommy wars,” let’s support and cheer each other along the miles of the “mommy marathon.”  Respect the race each mom chooses to run, pick her up when she’s down and walk beside her when she’s worn out.  It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and we all need a little encouragement along the way!

Photo Credits:
lovelihood via photopin cc
Sangudo via photopin cc
Ed Yourdon via photopin cc
kdonovangaddy via photopin cc
queensu via photopin cc