With three teenagers, my days of diapers, baby food, tantrums, and sleepless nights are long gone. Actually, I take that back. Tantrums and sleepless nights are still part of my life, albeit for different reasons. When your kids are little, they rely on you for almost everything…to fulfill their most basic needs. They need you to feed them, bathe them, dress them, entertain them, put them to sleep, wake them up, and tell them what they can and can’t do. It’s exhausting and selfless and it cramps your lifestyle, but it can also be very rewarding. And let’s face it, sometimes it feels good to be needed.
As our kids grow and evolve, the needs they have also change. How we fulfill those needs changes, too. Instead of just doing something for them, teaching them and coaching them become more important. It happens gradually, thank goodness, giving us time as parents to adjust and grow alongside them. New categories of needs emerge, too, and force us to take on new roles as parents. Instead of serving as playmates, caregivers, and safety inspectors, we become chauffeurs, counselors, tutors, and cheerleaders. We strive to teach our kids what we can, instill in them good values, and prepare them for adulthood by providing them with the tools they need to be self sufficient and independent.
As teens, I think they need us more than ever. I used to wish I had stayed home with them when they were babies, but in some ways, I think it’s even more important to be home with them when they’re teens. They need us to watch over them, guide them, counsel them, listen to them. It’s a bumpy ride. It’s scary. Real life kind of scary. In today’s world, our teens are dealing with very adult problems. Serious stuff. The world is advanced and their little lives are complicated….they need our help and all of the attention we can give them.
As one of our kids begins to prepare for college, I’m anticipating the emergence of a pivotal, scary, and yet satisfying, moment. That moment when you realize you’ve done about as much as you can to prepare them for the outside world. That moment when you know you’ll never stop being a parent, but you realize your role in their life will forever change. She’s moving out and all of the day to day involvement you’ve had in her life for 18 years suddenly ceases. We’re getting close to that moment, but it’s hard to think about. Instead, we’re amping up that “real life” training with her…making sure she knows how to do laundry, can cook a meal, can do some basic house repairs, etc. Equipping her with the tools to live on her own.
The parallels between raising a toddler and a teen are few and far between and I’m struck by that dichotomy. They’re the same kid, after all. How can things be so different? Well, here are a few examples of what you move away “from” as toddlers and what you move “to” as teenagers:
from diapers…..to prom dresses
from putting them to bed….to teaching them to wake up with an alarm clock
from bathing them…to teaching them to clean bathrooms
from teaching them to use a fork….to teaching them manners and etiquette in a restaurant setting
from teaching them to talk….to teaching them to hold a decent conversation with other adults
from strollers….to preparing them to get their driver’s license
from teaching them the alphabet….to helping them with calculus homework
from ECFE…to soccer practice
from onesies…to training bras
from their first haircut….to their first shave
from teaching them to share….to talking with them about bullying
from play dates…to real dates
from cute jabbers and giggles….to silence and scowling
from diaper cream….to make-up
from lullabies and baby videos….to YouTube and earbuds
The moral of my post? Enjoy each phase, look forward to the next, but don’t wish away today. If this is a tough stage for you, know things will soon change. Be willing to grow with your kids and evolve your parenting approach. It’s true what they say, they grow up way too fast. Accept it, embrace it, maximize the time you have with them, love them and let them know you’ll never stop being their parent!
6 comments
I needed to hear this today. I have two girls, 2 & 4 and sometimes I see these toddler years as the ‘dark years’ and wish them away to a time where I can pee alone, make one meal for everyone rather than 3, and be able to just in the car and go without torturing everyone with a buckling routine.
It goes fast. Really fast, and I think every parent needs to hear “it can be hard, but every phase has it’s hard days, don’t wish away the good ones.” every day.
Thanks!
Such good perspective – especially for a momma to a little one! Thanks for sharing Jen!
Loved this Jen. I think my kids need me now more than ever before. And I need my mom more than ever too! Thanks for sharing!
I remember when my first born was 4 weeks old and I asked naively, “When does it start getting easier?”. I was shocked when someone told me it doesn’t ~ the challenges just change as they get older. 🙂
This made me tear up! It’s hard to believe my girls will grow up, but alas, it’s bound to happen!
Jen, That was a fantastic article! So true, they all change and grow up so fast. Your article brought a tear to my eye seeing your family grow up in those pics & your heartfelt words. You’re a great writer! Thanks for sharing. Roxanne