By the time the frost starts to descend, I should no longer have to worry about shaving. In fact, I probably need that extra insulation to get through the impending winter. It’s not like I’ll be in a swimsuit any time soon, right?
Or at least, that’s what I thought. Which is why I felt particularly self-conscious and unfun when our early arrival at swimming lessons left us some time to play in the waterpark before lessons started.
My girls take swimming lessons in a community center that allows them to play a little before and after lessons. They like the water anyway, but the added fun of some splashing and slides makes them all the more interested in getting those suits on quickly. Unfortunately for me, they wanted me to play in the water with them.
Look, I love playing with my kids. They’re little, they’re funny, and if there’s one place I can be a fun mom, it’s in a place that does most of the work for me. But I felt a little less-than-cute in my saggy swimsuit, I had forgotten to take off my makeup (which guaranteed mascara trails if my face got wet), and as I mentioned: unsightly hair. I tried to cautiously pad around in the pool, staying as dry as possible, encouraging my kids to play with anything that didn’t make me get wet.
And then I saw her. Her hair was a mess, her glasses were covered in water spots, her swimsuit was boring and baggy, and she sat in the pool, water up to her armpits, while she happily splashed around with her kids. She kept trying to catch my eye, and I kept trying to avoid her because I knew that she was doing way better at this mom thing than me. She was actually playing with her kids and not caring about how it looked. And to tell you the truth, I kind of thought she looked great.
Finally, she saw me looking at her. She smiled. “I love playing with my kids,” she said, “But I’m sort of excited for when they’re a little bigger and can play by themselves, you know?” She nodded towards the rows of parents sitting on the pool deck scrolling through their phones. “I mean, that looks pretty good right now, right?” I grinned and admitted that it did while one of her kids came barreling at her with a huge splash. “Well, it will come soon enough,” she laughed, wrestling her kid, almost losing her glasses, content to recognize her mixed feelings and enjoy her kids where they were right now.
Back when I was pregnant, one of the best pieces of unsolicited advice I got was to love your kids right where they’re at. Don’t wish they were younger, don’t wish they were older, just enjoy who and what they are now. I’ve found I’m mostly able to do that, but sometimes, it helps to hear from another mom in the trenches that it’s hard to do. Sure, someday I’ll miss that they want me to play with them, but it’s hard to speculate on that when all I know right now is my own self-conscious exhaustion. I love their unsolicited fun and joy, and sometimes, I’d just like to go one whole hour without someone draped all over me.
In her chlorine-soaked humility, this kiddie pool sage helped me remember that it’s okay to feel a little unwilling when you’d just like a break. But all things come in their time. There are pros and cons now, and there will be pros and cons later. Don’t lose sight of what you have right here because you’re comparing yourself to moms at a different stage of momming. Love your kids where they’re at.
But maybe remember to shave before you take them to swimming lessons, just in case.
