Hello, twin mom. You are in the midst of one of the most demanding but incredible years of your life. I know this because I’ve been there.
The day I gave birth to my beautiful twins was a day that changed me forever. They laid two babies on my chest, and my heart literally felt like it was going to explode. Two babies I had carried for months. Two babies I had hoped were safe despite the high risk pregnancy. Two babies that I prayed would grow big enough inside me so they’d be able to thrive when they came out. Two babies that made me a twin mom.
We made it. I felt their skin against mine and in that moment everything felt absolutely perfect. We were doubly blessed, indeed.
Then reality began to set in. Trying to get them to latch, the tandem feedings. There was talk of both of them needing a feeding tube. I started to feel overwhelmed. I wondered if they were getting enough to eat. I wondered if I would have enough milk for both of them. I wondered how long and how often I should be pumping to build my supply. I wondered about all of this, and so much more.
Little by little, they both made progress, and we got to go home. H-O-M-E. I was mentally and physically exhausted, but so thrilled to finally have my two babies within our four walls. Family came to help. Friends brought meals. People stepped in to support us in so many ways.
The first month could’ve been considered the honeymoon stage. The twins slept much of the day and even though I was awake several times a night to feed both of them, it felt pretty manageable. I would watch them as they slept, simply in awe of my miracle babies.
By the end of that first month, I was completely exhausted. I couldn’t think straight. There was no time for anything except feeding and holding babies. There were times during the day when both of them were crying and I had to choose who I was going to pick up and console, first. My heart ached when I had to leave one baby screaming to tend to the other.
The anxiety heightened whenever my husband had to leave the house because it meant that I was alone with the twins, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep them happy all day long. I had never been so emotionally drained in my life.
After another month, we were given the green light to be able to take them out in public. Thank GOD! I felt so trapped in my house and was eager to get out. I decided I wanted to take them shopping. Then came the realization of all the work it would take to get them dressed in layers, strapped into their car seats, and make the drive across town. I chickened out. Maybe staying home wasn’t so bad, after all.
Months three and four became increasingly difficult. The twins were awake for a good portion of the day and they required constant entertaining. They also hadn’t established a very solid nap schedule yet. I remember laying next to them on the floor, singing and shaking rattles all morning long just to keep the crying to a minimum. Again, I felt horrible that I couldn’t easily hold them both and comfort them the way I would with a single baby.
Finally, around five to six months, I started to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Sleep was a little more consistent. They were able to entertain themselves for a few minutes and they could hold their necks up just enough to allow me to hold them at the same time.
The six month mark was a huge turning point. I finally felt like we were settling into our new normal. The days still felt overwhelming at times, but I didn’t feel completely outnumbered by them. It helped that the smiles and giggles were happening frequently and I started to feel like I was bonding with them. I began to see them as my two little sweethearts instead of twice the work.
The rest of that first year remained full of ups and downs. Teething times two, diaper changes times two, and well visits times two. My sink was constantly filled with an abundance of bottles and the laundry piles even larger. But day by day, we were making progress.
I had finally come to understand what it meant to be a twin mom. I was learning that giving my time to my children is one of the most fulfilling things in life. I was learning that even on the hardest days, I was strong enough to make it to the end. I was learning that I had been chosen and entrusted with two hearts, two souls, and two minds who were born into our family so I could lead them. I was learning that being a twin mom may be one of the most demanding jobs in the world, but that it also reaps the biggest rewards.
So to you, sweet twin mom friend, who is still in that first year. I think about you often. When I see you out at the store I know how much work it took to get there. I know that you are probably terrified of being out and about with two screaming babies, so you’re rushing to get home before the next feeding. I know that you are exhausted. And I know that you likely feel lonely at times when it seems no one else in your circle fully gets what your daily life is like.
Friend, you WILL get through the first year. And when you do, you will look back with awe and wonder and realize just how strong it made you. Get ready to light the candles and CELEBRATE. It’ll be here before you know it. Your twins’ first birthday won’t only be to celebrate them, but to celebrate YOU! YOU, their momma, who loves them more than you ever thought possible. YOU, their momma, who sacrifices your own comfort and conveniences to take care of them. YOU, their momma, who was chosen for them because you are strong and you are able.
You can do this. Hang in there. Yes, twins are double the work. But I promise, twins are also double the fun.
Original post published February 2015
33 comments
Thank you for this. Currently 14 weeks in with twin girls and this made me tear up.
This article made me cry for all the right reasons. My twin girls, Charly and Remy, are 7 1/2 months. No one prepared me for how difficult those first few weeks were. The amount of exhaustion, the latching difficulty, the constant pumping to increase milk supply, etc., are enough to make you feel so overwhelmed. For that matter, the first 3 months are really all daunting. And when you’re in the thick of it, you feel like it will never end. But now at this stage, I’ve managed to get them on the same sleep and feeding schedule and managed to find time to make all their organic food. But let me be frank, getting them on the same schedule took weeks of not giving in and moments of my own personal meltdowns.
If there is one piece of advice I would give moms of newborn twins is, know that things constantly change. So when you think they’ll never sleep through the night, they will; if you think YOU’LL never sleep again, you will; if you think the teething fussiness won’t end, it will; if you think they’ll never roll over, they will; if you think you’ll never be able to manage them alone, you WILL. Trust me, you will! I PROMISE all of it get’s easier. And don’t forget your sense of humor. Sometimes laughing through tears is the best remedy.
Soon after the birth of my 4.5 mo old twins I got the worst anxiety!! I’d get the most bizarre electric shocks throughout my body at the sound of a cry. I’d storm out of the shower dripping wet to scoop them up and cry with them… I then read a few words another blog mom wrote, “If they’re crying, they’re breathing.” I now have to keep telling both sets of grandparents the same thing… They’re fine!! The first couple of months are such a blur. I don’t remember my babies at 5 and 6 lbs. I’m a labor and delivery nurse and I find myself snuggling with those tiny ones and I, for the life of me, can not remember my own when they were that small. I just did what I could to survive. I’m starting to see the light. I was the biggest OCD party planner and the thought of possibly having a 1st year birthday party was a joke! I am now planning their first birthday… It’s a big deal! Thanks for the words of encouragement. Makes me feel like a normal twin mommy.
My twins are 28 year old boy and girl twins. They loved being together. When they picked colleges they went together to the University of Texas in Austin. After graduation from college was the first time they were separated. My daughter got a job in NYC and my son started medical school in New Orleans. They were both devasted away from each other. Eventually they both met the partner of their dreams and got engaged with in months of each other. My daughter got married this August and my son is getting married in a few weeks. I am sure they will have babies at the same time. They both said they would love to have twins of their own. Twins have such a wonderful bond. As close as they are I encourage parents to treat twins as individuals not a group. My biggest twin advice is to explain to friends that they do not have to invite both over at the same time. ESP with boy-girl twins don’t treat as a mandatory group.
My twins are 5 days old and are currently being watched, monitored, and cared for by amazing NICU doctors and nurses. Your blog post has brought me to tears (surprise surprise) as I appreciate your comforting and supportive words; I couldn’t feel more honored and blessed to have the opportunity to face these milestones with my two beautiful babes!
Just came across this – your words are so spot on. This plus twin preg have been some of the hardest months! My boys will turn 1 soon and I get emotional thinking if all the challenges of the past year – and yet, how lucky am I to have two sweet, snuggly, wild and amazing boys?! Wonderfully written.
I’m just coming across this. My g/g twins are due in March and while this post was moderately terrifying it also helped reinforce what I’ve already heard- each phase has an end. I also appreciate the perspective that I was chosen for a reason to bring two special people into the world at the same time. Cheers to all the twin moms and dads!
I had female fraternal twins in October so I’m in the thick of it right now. Honestly some days are completely overwhelming (I’ve cried many times over the past three months, especially during their NICU days), but then you’ll look at those little faces and tiny hands and it’s all worth it. Mine are just starting to have social smiles and I’d change a million poopy diapers for even one of those precious, beautiful smiles.
My fraternal twin girls will be 30 in March. I think it’s important to realize before your twins arrive that there will be hard days, weeks & yes even months. Otherwise after you take your babes home you will wonder what you’re doing wrong & why at times you just want to sit down & cry.
Sometimes a good cry will actually do you good! After all you are not Super Woman. Take advantage of any help being offered to you. If you can look after 2 so can your husband.
I found the first milestone was when 1 of them started sleeping through the night @ 6 weeks & the other one @ 10 weeks. I did breastfeed,1 for 6 weeks & the other for 10 weeks, but I went back to work part time when they were 11 weeks old. I also had a 4 year old. That may seem unreal to you but it actually helped me keep my sanity. The next milestone was when they could hold their own bottle & not need burbing. Next milestone, they could walk, I didn’t have to carry two at once. Now they play together and actually start being less work than 1 child as they entertain each other.
Remember to take the time to enjoy them & take some time for just you even if it is only 15 min.
A few dust bunnies in your house won’t hurt anyone. If you have someone who will look after both of them take some time to go out for dinner or to a show, etc with your husband. You will miss them while you are gone but will come back refreshed & enjoy them even more.
Remember to treat them as individuals, I never referred to my girls as the twins. I referred to them as the girls. ENJOY your new family & the best of luck to you, your husband, & your girls.
10 month old identical boys. Wow, this is so true although mine still don’t sleep! I wake up everyday saying I got this I can do it, and when I look back on my day I can’t believe I got through it. Can’t wait to celebrate in 2 months!
As I sit here watching my 2 (b/g 3.5 months) sleep at the same time (for maybe 10 minutes, lol) I just have to say I needed this. We are still working on a schedule, we are dealing with reflux, we are not getting out much. And everyone told me the 3-month mark is when things get better. Well all my friends with singletons, but I’m finding 3 months with twins is very overwhelming. But now I don’t feel so alone.
You’re gonna get through it. You are a rock star in disguise, spit up down your shoulder and all. Oh and mine both have reflux. It’s basically resolved itself now and they are 12 months after tomorrow.
Wow my babies are a day away from the big ONE. All of this rings so true. Although, I’m still bouncing on a yoga ball with both of them at 3am trying to get them back to sleep. I read so many of these blogs before having twins and none of it really resonated till I experienced it. I’d say the hardest thing is feeling like you’re not connecting enough with them beyond the essentials and you hit the nail in the head on that point. Eventually you do bond more and it’s just a joy to have two sweet little faces crunching up at you. The only thing I truly miss is sleep. Lol