Staying Positive

Well, I recently had one of those days.  I cried and laughed.  Was frustrated and grateful.  My 15 month old son was going thru some separation struggles with me.  It can be tough.  And suffocating.  But I know, like anything, this, too,  shall pass.

My meltdown happened on the ride home from the gym.  The childcare staff had to come get me because they could not get my son calmed down.  I didn’t get a workout in, again, which was fine.  Frustrating, but fine.  I’m more focused on going these days just to re-acclimate him to the environment.  And this is not why I crumbled into a million pieces.

As we got buckled in the car and began to head home for lunch, my 3 year old daughter simply said “mommy, I had so much fun at the gym today, thank you.”  That’s it.  That’s all it took and the tear gates began to flood.  Now, my friends, this is the girl with the will of a bull.  This is the child that MUST do it all by herself.  That drives me crazy with directing.  With her stubbornness.  Her frustrations.  But her will equals independence, and that day I was so very grateful for it.  It took my son struggling with independence for me to realize how truly incredible hers is.  How sad.

It left me with a sense of guilt.  Guilt that I don’t give her enough credit.  Guilt that I don’t focus on her strengths enough.  That I don’t embrace her will.  Her independence.  I focus non stop on trying to improve the challenges of it.  While it can get frustrating being empathetic with a 3 year old that strives to have things just so, I’m calling myself out on failing to recognize all of the good that comes with it.  I have always said, I’ll thank my lucky stars when she is a successful woman one day…and I’ve left it at that.  But guess what?  It’s serving her just fine today, too.  She’s a go-getter.  A bull-by-the-horns kind of girl.  She’s confident.  Assertive.  Spicy.  Mighty and full of life.  And completely adaptable.  Throw her into a roomful of entirely new kids and she’s the first one to ask if she can play too.  Her happy’s are the most happy there ever was.  She’s ecstatic to go to school, to learn new things.  She’s responsible, caring and polite.  She is so very many things that I positively want for my child but I often allow her need for control to get in the way of my appreciation for all of those things.  I let the challenges blind me.

My point?  So often getting wrapped up in our challenges with ours kids can get the best of us.  It’s so easy to focus on the things we need to work on with them, or the things they aren’t.  But the things they are are pretty amazing, too, don’t you think?  The challenges will come and they will go.  New ones will present themselves every single day.  But likely, in the grand scheme of things, these challenges are so very minor.   The tantrums will dissipate.  The sleep training won’t always be necessary.  The sharing will get better.  And eventually a whole new set of challenges will arise….and we, as parents, will roll with it.  What our kids are becoming and have achieved are a much bigger deal.  And I find that if I stay focused on those things I am a much happier parent…which in this house, always leads to much happier children.

So today, I am holding myself accountable.  I’ve started a new routine and I will hold myself to it.  At the end of each day, when I am laying in bed in silence, I vow to take a minute to think about my children.  To take a deep breath and let all of the frustrations of the day go.  To forget about the reasoning.  The disciplining.  The battles.  And to, instead,  think about every single way they have brought joy to me that day.  About what made me feel proud of them.  Or how they let their awesome personalities shine.  So far, the list is endless….I have to cut myself off from going on and on.  It ends my day gratefully and takes me into the next refreshed, positive and mindful of what’s truly important.  Those little bodies can bring so much emotion to us, but we get to choose what we want to do with it.  Do we want to dwell and concentrate on the negatives or do we want to have gratitude and focus on the positives?  I’m pretty sure I’ll take option number two.