Being a Stepmom on Mother’s Day

Ring, ring (my phone rings).  “Happy Mother’s Day,” says my stepdaughter.  Yes… My step daughter calls me every Mother’s Day.  I look forward to this call from her every year.

Am I her biological mother?  No.

So, why does she call me every Mother’s Day?  Because she knows I play an important role in her life.  I am her stepmom.

Do I want to have her spend Mother’s Day with me?  No.  Would I love to see her on this day?  Sure!  However, I feel that Mother’s Day is for spending time with her biological mother.  That is her role and her mom deserves that time with her.

Some may wonder how this day works for stepmoms.  I have heard questions such as, do stepmothers deserve to be wished Happy Mother’s Day from their step children?  Why would stepmoms want to intrude on their step children’s time with their biological mother, on a day meant just for moms?

And here is my answer:  Stepmoms are moms.  Most take on the parenting role, just like any other mom.

But don’t let this day define who you are.  If the other parent is not supportive in letting their children call or see you on Mother’s Day, it is just one day.  Don’t let it affect all the other days that you spend with your step children.

These children may not know any different.  They may not even know, or think about, how much this day may mean to you. So trust me when I say: Mother’s Day does NOT define the level of love and appreciation that the children have for you.

I know it may hurt if you don’t see or hear from them on this day, but you do matter.  You do make a difference in their life.  I understand that you may feel as though you should also spend time with them, and have them acknowledge you on Mother’s Day.  However, not sending an expression of love on one day does not mean they don’t love you.  Your stepchildren do love you.

When my husband and I first got engaged, I received a Mother’s Day card (for stepmoms) from my step daughter’s Mom.  I don’t remember exactly what it said since it was so long ago, but I remember thinking to myself, Why is she giving this to me?  I didn’t understand the day yet.  But now I look back and realize how much that card really meant to me.

So should I receive a gift from my step children on Mother’s Day? That depends on the family. My husband has always done a wonderful job on to make this day special for me.  He has always planned ahead.  He goes shopping with my step daughter before the day arrives so she can buy me a present and give it to me before the day arrives.  That way we have this moment for just us.  I see how much effort she puts into picking out a gift and giving it to me.  That is what matters most.  That is how I know I am doing a good job as her stepmom.

You can also let your voice be heard.  Many spouses may not know how you feel about this day.  Speak up! Tell your spouse how you feel.  Even if they don’t have time to help your stepchildren go buy you a gift, tell them that a homemade card or flowers works great!

Stepmoms, just remember that you are a strong woman.  You are helping raise a child that isn’t biologically yours.  This is an important job.  You are a blessing to these children and your family.  I see you.  I hear you.  I understand.

I want to wish the happiest of Mother’s Day to all the mom roles out there.  Thank you for all that you do for your children.