I’m a new mom to a little girl who has changed my world in ways I could have never imagined. She just turned nine months and has taught me so much about being a mom. As I reflect over the past nine months, I thought I’d share nine things I’ve learned about mommyhood along the way.
In no particular order, here they are:
1. Body image will rear its ugly head. In a perfect world we would all be happy just the way we are right?! Having a baby will change your body in some way, shape, or form. I was always in denial about this. I’ve read that it takes nine months to put baby weight on and at least nine months to take it off. I gained 37 pounds when I was pregnant. Nine months post partum I’m still working to get the last couple of pounds off and there are days that it really bothers me. It could be baby weight, stretch marks, wider hips or bigger feet (yes, that’s what I said, bigger feet!). Just know something on your body WILL change after having a baby and it can be hard to accept.
2. Protect the routines that work for your family or baby. I have close to a one-hour commute to and from work, so my husband does both daycare drop off and pick up. I struggled with this decision, I cried over it, but then I realized it works great for our family! All three of us are happy with it, yet sometimes I catch myself trying to justify it to others. Then I stop and remind myself that I don’t need to. It’s no one else’s business! So, whether it is daycare routines, naptime routines, or feeding routines, you don’t owe anyone an explanation about what works for your family or baby.
3. You’ll judge and be judged. As a parent you’ll be judged by others regarding a plethora of parenting practices. And guess what… you’ll judge other parents too! I didn’t realize how much I judged other parents until I became one myself. Before I had my daughter, I was your typical non-parent making my way through Target on a Saturday afternoon judging the mom with three screaming kids in her cart. I admit I still catch myself doing this on occasion. It’s human nature to judge, but what we can do is stop ourselves. I challenge all of us to stop when we have a judging thought and put ourselves in the other parent’s shoes. We have no idea what sort of day they’ve had or what their parenting situation is. They are doing the same thing we are… just trying to survive it all! Also, if someone openly judges you about your parenting choices don’t take it personally and move on!
4. It’s ok to look forward to your baby’s bedtime. I mean, let’s face it, we all love our children and the time we get to spend with them, but once they go to bed we finally have the opportunity to get stuff done! (Or have a yummy glass of wine while watching our favorite reality TV show). Whatever you choose to do with that time, don’t beat yourself up for looking forward to it. You are working hard and you deserve it. Enjoy mama!
5. Breastfeeding might not go the way you expected. I was riding the breastfeeding train full force before I had my baby. I planned to breastfeed for at least six months or more and was ready to go! Then once I had my baby she wasn’t getting enough milk from me and we had to start supplementing with formula, per her doctor’s orders. I had to work really hard to get my supply to the point where I had enough for her, and even at that point it was hit or miss. I cried to my husband one night, “I can’t even feed my own baby!” There are a lot of strong opinions out there about breastfeeding and you will get a lot of people asking you “how’s breastfeeding going?” If it’s not going well it can get a new mama down. I figured out what worked best for my baby and me, and I accepted it. Every mother’s breastfeeding journey is different. Don’t let anyone get you down about what you decide to do.
6. Listen to your gut. They don’t call it “mother’s intuition” for nothing. We are programed by nature to instinctively know when and how to protect our child. That is where mother’s intuition kicks in, or what I like to refer to as “mama bear.” If doctors, friends, grandparents, etc. are telling you to do something a certain way or are telling you everything is ok, but mama bear comes out because you believe the contrary, then follow your gut. Even if what is worrying you ends up being nothing, at least you will sleep better at night knowing that you did something about it. As a warning, know that mama bear can come out quite fiercely at times. Be ready to tame her when needed.
7. You will experience mommy guilt. It’s inevitable. If you work, you might experience mommy guilt because you decide to get drinks with your girlfriends after work instead of heading home to see your baby. If you stay at home, you might feel mommy guilt because the baby was such a handful that day that you never got around to any of the other things you wanted to do like laundry, bills, or scheduling that next play date. As mothers we hold such high expectations of ourselves that it can get to the point of being unrealistic. Remind yourself that it is ok if you see your girlfriends for drinks, and that laundry… it can be done tomorrow.
8. Keep your best friends closer than ever. You’ll need them. You’ll need the ones with kids and the ones without kids too. My friends with kids help me realize all the time that my feelings about mommyhood, both good and bad, are all normal and that I’m not crazy. My friends without kids help me remember who I was before I was a mom and that I don’t want to completely lose my old self to mommyhood! It can be easy to put your friendships on the back burner as a new mom. Always make a conscious effort to connect with your friends.
9. Finally, let’s not forget about that person who made this all possible… your husband. Or your significant other, or your boyfriend, or whoever is helping you raise your little bundle of joy. New babies challenge your relationship like nothing else. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll fight. My husband and I have made it through many challenges during our marriage, but being new parents has forced us to communicate on an entirely different level. What my husband and I have learned over the past nine months is that we cannot take each other for granted now that we have a baby. Our marriage needs to be the priority more than ever before.
That is what I have learned nine months in. It has been a crazy ride, but worth every moment! What did you learn as a new mom?
