About 3 years ago to the day, I was promoted to the position of stay-at-home mom. Up until then, I had very social jobs and frequently found myself looking forward to the day’s end where I WOULDN’T have to talk unless I wanted to.
There were no issues making friends, and no shortage of social events to attend. Truthfully, up until this point in my life, I never once even considered what loneliness felt like.
However with this new position, I’m finding that I took those times for granted. It now takes a very real effort to interact with adults during the day, and an even greater effort to make adult friends. I take my oldest to 2 particular indoor playgrounds, and found myself and another mom at one location on the same schedule. It took 5 weeks to just hold a conversation aside from a smile-across-the-room, and then doing our own things. When I finally struck up a conversation, and eventually made the suggestion we meet for coffee or happy hour someday, she looked at me like I was absolutely crazy. At times, it feels like if you’re not in an already-established “mom clique,” you might as well kiss any hope of daytime social interaction goodbye. (or, maybe I’m just really unlikeable?! Jury’s out.)
Feeling awkward and rejected, and clearly viewed as an outcast because I made an effort to socialize with other moms, lead me to interacting with the few dads that attend. That brought on a whole new “look.” I realized: you can’t win. And that’s a crappy feeling. We should take cues from our children who make friends and treat each other well; no hesitations, no judgments, no questions. It’s not any easy job we have. I know that with the dawn of cellphones and tablets, it’s really easy to hide yourself in a game of Solitaire or Facebook, and ignore the rest of the world.
And then something happened the other day. Something that may seem so insignificant to those that don’t understand….but it changed my perspective and attitude drastically. It reminded me that as women, as mothers, we need to be better to each other, and therefore, I’m not giving up.
By happenstance, I found myself at Boom Island Park with my 2 boys. My oldest son and this woman’s little boy jumped into a game of racing down the slide. I asked how old her son was, and to my surprise, we just kept talking. She took us for a walk through the park – walking us across an old railroad bridge and showing us an area of Minneapolis I hadn’t yet been to. My son was captivated with her son’s “cool” shaggy hair. We shared conversation about the craziness of raising boys. I was so taken aback by her kindness and welcoming demeanor that I probably seemed awkward at times. So Laura of NE Minneapolis, thank you. So. Much. You reminded me that there are moms out there who appreciate some adult interaction as much as I do, and that sometimes strangers are just friends waiting to be made.
