Just in Case Something Happens to Me

What if something happens to me, or my partner, or both of us together? No doubt, if you didn’t have these questions before becoming a parent, you do now. Do you have everything in order – life insurance, a living will, a living trust, an ethical will, a last will and testament? To think about your own death is hard, but very necessary in order to protect your family from completely unnecessary stress, financial burden or fighting. It is so important to have the right plan, paperwork and decisions in place should you, or your partner, leave this world too soon.

I know. I lost a parent when I was 10 years old. Thankfully, all of this was taken care of, which meant that my mom in her state of absolute grief and mourning, did not have to wrangle with these decisions. I cannot imagine losing my person, but I also cannot imagine leaving these kinds of things undone only to be dealt with at a time of already intense emotion. From all of this, I learned to take these things seriously and to talk about them often.

It can be daunting to even know where to begin with this stuff. I am by no means an expert, but I have been talking about these things for over 20 years. I’d like to share what I’ve learned and some suggestions for how to get it all in order.

Life insurance

We all know we should have it, but too many of us probably don’t. Life insurance pays a designated beneficiary a sum of money in exchange for a premium, upon the death (and sometimes terminal illness) of the insured person. You’ll want to determine what amount makes sense for your family. I think of life insurance as the lost wages and earning potential of me or my partner. How much would my family need to live – mortgage/rent, childcare/tuition, retirement, healthcare – those are the big ones. Once you determine this amount, you can shop around to find what you need.

Many companies and organizations offer some life insurance for their employees (sometimes even for their spouses) as part of their benefits package, but you should really look at it closely. Often times you’re paying a higher rate than you could get on the open market and for an amount that is likely lower than you really need.

Living will

A living will, also called a health care directive or an advance directive, is just that – a legal document that spells out your wishes for prolonging your life. Most people are probably pretty familiar with this one, but still may not have taken the time to really think through what you want. Think about it – in what health situations would you want what kind of measures taken? Who is entitled to carry out your decisions, or make them, if you can’t?

Once you’ve given it some thought and talked it over with the people you need to, Minnesota makes it pretty easy to put a living will in place. This is a handy planning toolkit that includes an online form (that complies with Minnesota law) you can fill out, print and get notarized. Other states have these as well.

Ethical will

An ethical will, or Legacy Letter, is not a legal document as it does not distribute your valuables. It’s a heartfelt expression of what truly matters most in your life, which may not be a physical thing. It’s a way to share your thoughts, memories, values, life lessons and dreams with future generations. It’s a way for you to answer the question “How do I want to be remembered?” before it’s too late. A way for others to learn about you, and have a way to remember. And what a beautiful thing to pass on for others to cherish.

Living trust

A living trust is simply a trust you create while you’re still alive, instead of one being created after you die. Often times this is created to avoid probate when transferring property after death. Consider it a part of your estate planning. It is about as easy to prepare as a will, and you can often do it yourself.

This is not to be confused with, or to replace, a will. A living trust does not allow you to name a guardian for your children, for example. But it can save your family money and the stress of making these decisions at a time when they probably won’t want to even think about this. Of course, you’ll want to revisit this if you buy additional property down the road.

Last will & testament

This defines who the executor of your estate is and spells out where, and to whom, you want all of your possessions and property to go. It also includes who you select as the guardians of your children. You have the opportunity to be as detailed as you want here. If you have a sentimental token that your niece should have, you can indicate that here. Of course, you’ll want to revisit this as you gain property or make different decisions. There is no legal requirement that this be drawn up by an attorney, you may do it yourself, but I recommend if you go this route to make sure you know what needs to be clearly stated in order for it to be valid. You certainly don’t want to leave your family questioning your wishes, or even worse, debating them.

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Sometimes, your benefits provider through your employer may have counseling or free workshops for some or all of these. That’s a good place to start if available to you. Otherwise, set aside some time, just 30 minutes even, to look at some of the websites I’ve linked to and get familiar with your various options.

Then, most importantly, have the conversations. With your partner, your family, your kids, your closest friends. Once you start talking, I promise it won’t be as hard as you think. And the more often you do it, the easier it gets, the less taboo it becomes.

It feels daunting, overwhelming, confusing and a little bit sad, but if for no other reason, do this for your kids’ and loved ones’ sake. Then, once you have everything in order, you can breath a little easier and go back to snuggling your kiddos and having your adventures!