I am not a fan of the newborn stage. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than bringing home a fragile little baby that I do not know yet. I recently saw a meme that said the newborn stage isn’t the worst- it’s the toddler stage. While I appreciate the sentiment, I’ve been through both of those stages and I’ll have to disagree on that one. I’m more comfortable with a tantruming toddler that I know well than a newborn stranger in my house.
Oh, I know newborns are usually pretty cute and that tininess means you can wrap them up and bring them anywhere and everywhere you go in a way that will never be possible again. I do enjoy that part and there is something I love about the excitement of all the newness- but that doesn’t come without some anxiety for me. And to be honest, those first months are always a blur. Despite the sweet welcoming the world around us has always provided with a new baby, I’ve usually been pretty grateful when that time has passed.
For me it comes down to one thing. I am simply not a fan of transitions and all I do is wonder who this little person is I just brought home and what are they about to do to our lives?
I know all too well the answer to this question; no one knows.
No one knows who this kid is. No one knows how he will sleep. No one knows how he will eat. No one knows how he will adjust to his new life and our family. All I know is he belongs with us and that eventually the answers to those other questions will fall in place.
Eventually. But not now.
I am not a crabby newborn-hater. I love my babies more than anything. I’m someone who happens to be head over heels happy about picking my baby up in the middle of the night (despite all the sleep deprivation) because, to this day, no matter their age, I get giddy when I see my children. I just don’t care much for transitions and the first few months of a baby’s life is all transition.
For everyone.
Not only do I not know my baby yet, I am now a stranger in my own body. The big, beautiful belly I had just been cradling with pride has turned into a squishy, droopy belly, beautiful in theory, but certainly different. So I’m not exactly walking around feeling my best. For a nursing mother, the months after a baby is born are physically demanding in a way I’ve never experienced before. Your body is working hard to establish your milk supply, you’re pumping and feeding on demand and juggling a million things at once. And the hormones. Oh my word, the hormones.
It all seems like a cruel plan on Mother Nature’s part after such an uncomfortable, sleepless pregnancy and exhausting labor and delivery.
The newborn stage is a transition for the whole family. Our oldest son adapted well to his new baby brother- even though he had been the only child for SEVEN years. But that doesn’t mean it was easy for him. We saw signs of a struggle here and there and as parents, we were filled with guilt wondering if we’ve ruined him (I don’t think we did). Despite the fact that a new sweetness overcame him as he fell in love with having a brother for the first time, we know he had to work through a lot of feelings as we adjusted to a new way of life and it wasn’t easy.
Then there’s my husband and me. We fell into a nice little routine prior to our second son being born- parents of a seven-year-old who was very independent, sleeps through the night and that we probably had gotten to know better than we know ourselves. We could go on dates whenever we wanted, stay up and watch TV and talk together whenever we wanted, make meals together, spend time together, go on a getaway together…simply be together. We were comfortable and a newborn shakes that up a bit.
Next is our newborn. This time is clearly the biggest transition for him, though he has less awareness than the rest of us. His needs are high, rather unpredictable, and though he knows our voices and is comforted by us, the world is cold and scary at times. He has no idea what is happening around him or to him. And there’s one thing that is true for all my babies- no amount of gas drops changes their tummy troubles and colic those first months. My baby is almost permanently attached to my body, which means it’s hard for me to divide my attention to all that’s around me, still needing my attention. It’s a tricky time for a baby and a mama, though incredibly sweet in so many ways.
I have a seven-year-old. I know all too well that parenting is a roller coaster ride. Sometimes I am in love with my child’s age. Sometimes a stage feels like I’m in the absolute trenches of parenting. In all these times there’s good, but sometimes the best part is that it’s temporary.
That is how I feel about the newborn stage. I did what I could to enjoy it and I was madly in love with the little person we brought home, but I was in love with a stranger at that point.
When our baby turned six months things changed for us. We felt like we could really start to know him. And each day we get to know him better. We know what our baby’s laugh sounds like and that his brother can fix his tears at the drop of a silly big brother dance. We know that he prefers to snuggle up on his side when he sleeps, with his legs crossed and an arm reaching up on the side of the bassinet and that sometimes he just needs a little pat on his bottom to fall back asleep. We know he is in love with all things food and that he nurses just fine. We know what makes him smile and that as of yet he seems to be an extrovert, adoring the company of all people and animals, just like his daddy. We know what his cuddles feel like and we see his personality emerging.
I love any age when I really get to know my child, little by little, more and more, over time. Because it’s the knowing them that I count on to get through the hard parts of parenting. Because I know who I am doing this for. Because I have a relationship and a routine to count on getting us through. And the newborn stage is just the beginning and honestly, both of those things are lacking.
To me, the best news about newborns is that they aren’t here to just be newborns. They become older infants and toddlers and seven-year-olds and teenagers and even adults one day. And while I very much live in the moment and soak up the little moments, even during the hard stages, this is all temporary. Sometimes I’m grateful for that, and sometimes I grieve that. Either way, I’m grateful that these are my little people that have been given to us to know and love for a long, long time.
And now I just wonder, who you will turn out to be.
