I can’t believe it’s been almost exactly one full year since I last talked about my brother Noah on Twin Cities Mom Collective, A Child’s Perception of Life Behind Walls.
What’s funny is when I was looking further back at posts I’ve written, I realized the post prior to that, which happened to be the first post I ever wrote about Noah, was exactly another year prior in January of 2017 called, To My Greyson, My Promise to You.
I remember that first post like it was yesterday.
It took me months to write it and when TCMC notified me that it was going live I even remember where I was, what I was doing and what I was wearing.
I was in Florida for work attending the builder show, reclining on the bed with my computer open watching it go live and almost having a panic attack. I proceeded to the show and yet all I could think about was, “what are people thinking of me right now online?!”
Fast forward two years later from that first post, and now Noah is writing three times a day on construction2style and is laying out the whole truth of his journey… and I can’t publish his posts quick enough. I’m that excited! But it hasn’t always felt this hopeful.
The last 10 years have consisted of watching Noah downward spiral for 3, getting clean and going to trial for 2, and now visiting prison for the last 6… our new family vacation spot.
However, it’s been through these last 2 years that things have really started to change. Not only for Noah, but myself, our family and complete strangers. Through these last two years Noah has shared the full truth of his journey – going back to why he started using in 8th grade, to what life is like in prison, and talking to hundreds of kids through his messages about why they shouldn’t go down the same road he travelled. And if you’ve read any of his letters, you know that he doesn’t leave any detail out of his past.
And yet, even if it took 10 years of my personal pain to do what we’ve accomplished in 2, I wouldn’t change one thing.
Everyone has pain in their life. And through these hard times it can either break you or offer an opportunity for more.
That choice is up to you.
If you choose this pain to teach you something, it’s called Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). This means life changing shifts that contribute to a personal change that is deeply meaningful.
I’ve encountered a great deal of pain in my life. I could have made up excuses and given up after my dad died, but instead I used that pain to fuel me to carry on the legacy he taught me. After my brother got into trouble and went to prison, I could have just sat quietly and pretended like my life was so great, and that I had this perfect family. But instead we decided to use that pain to hopefully stop other kids from heading down that same drug game.
Everyone’s pain looks different so – as us moms can tend to do – we need to stop comparing. Your pain could possibly be after a 6 month breakup, the loss of a child or job.
It’s your pain and how you react to it is what matters.
Someone once told me, “It’s okay to be shaped by pain, but it’s not okay to let it define you.”
And I’m here to tell you it’s also okay to take a moment to be angry, bitter, cry… but tell yourself how long that moment is going to be, and then get yourself back up again. Let that energy fuel you to help change the world. Because we all know we need more strong mamas in this world as we work to shape the future for our babies!
P.S. I’m also happy to let you know, come January of 2021, Noah will be a free man. And we have a few ideas up our sleeves that we can’t wait to share as we continue journeying into a bright future!
