Caring for Your Marriage During Pregnancy

Now that I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy, my husband and I have been doing a lot of talking about just how very long pregnancy really is. After two early first trimester miscarriages prior to this pregnancy, we were thrilled as the weeks ticked by this time around and our baby continued to grow. But the other day, my husband said something to me that surprised me; he told me that he was really, really excited for me to no longer be pregnant so he could have his best friend back after nearly 40 weeks.

The longer I thought about that statement, the more I came to realize what an impact pregnancy has on your relationship, especially if you’re a couple that’s used to being active together. Typically, my husband and I spend a lot of time in the warmer months training for and running road races. It’s not uncommon for us to run at least one longer race each summer or fall, like a half marathon or 10-miler. We also have a tradition of going to a 90-minute Bikram hot yoga class together at our gym followed by eating Chipotle to celebrate the end of another week. When it’s pretty outside, we’ve been known to spend hours on end playing tennis together because it’s one of the few sports that I can actually play with him competitively and give him a run for his money.

Unfortunately, most of the activities that we love to do together have been put on hold while I grow this little human. Hot yoga is absolutely off the table because of the danger of overheating, naturally. And while some women run long distances throughout their entire pregnancies, it just wasn’t for me. I clung to tennis for as long as possible, but at some point the risk of falling or losing your balance gets too great, so eventually that fell by the wayside during the second trimester. Before I knew it, most of the activities that we bonded over had become off-limits!

I suppose that in some ways this transition has started to prepare us for the many ways that having kids will change our relationship, but I would like to think that we will resume many of our favorite active hobbies once I’ve given birth and we’ve settled into our new routine, especially since our gym offers childcare!

Looking back, I wish we were slightly more prepared and aware that it’s not just having the baby that changes your relationship, it’s the whole 40 weeks of growing that baby that starts the process of change. Having awareness ahead of time would have made both of us more proactive in finding ways to connect in fun and exciting ways outside of our typical hobbies that were off-limits.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little bit nervous about the next phase in our relationship and how a baby is going to change our dynamic as a couple. I’m sure in some ways it will make me love my hubby even more, watching him become a dad and love our baby. But I don’t want our life and marriage to become all about our baby, either. I’m a huge believer in the fact that your marriage should always come first and your kiddos second.

So you veteran mommas: How have you kept your relationship strong and thriving after baby arrived? Any tips or advice for this first-time mom? I’m all ears!