I was convinced I didn’t want kids. Motherhood was something that I never thought was for me. I told myself it was because I was afraid of what pregnancy would do to my body. I was afraid of what it would do to my freedom. I didn’t want to lose who I was.
I was 19 when I met my husband. While we were dating, I knew that this relationship was different and that we’d be together for a long time. I wanted to be truthful to him and I told him early on in our relationship that I didn’t want kids. He didn’t believe me and he said I would eventually change my mind. At the time I stood pretty firm in my beliefs and I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t.
Well, as it turns out, I did change my mind. I went from not wanting kids to having three beautiful children! Being a mom is one of the most rewarding and probably most difficult jobs there is. I absolutely adore my kids (even though sometimes, yes, they do drive me a little crazy), and I would do anything for them. I will admit when I became a mom, it was a like a little piece of me died… I lost myself, and over the years, I found myself giving more to my family and less to myself. This left me feeling empty inside and asking, “How did I get here?”
It was during my third pregnancy, with Jace, that I hit my breaking point and found myself very depressed and so negative toward myself– I felt like I was up against a wall and I didn’t even recognize the person staring back at me anymore.
It was also during his pregnancy that I had my biggest breakthrough, and from that I realized 3 things:
- The only person that could change my life was me.
- No event in my life could take the place of who I was or define my worth.
- Everything I do is my choice.
I realized that I wasn’t happy with how I was showing up every day, for myself and my family. When you know better, you can do better. For me, it came down to a decision to make the changes that I wanted to make. When you can own that and take responsibility for it, it becomes simpler, which isn’t always easier. Every day my commitment to myself and my family is to do a little better than the day before. That’s really all I can ask of myself.
This is my mantra… this is truly the heart of my business and it’s what I live by.
Lift // move your body every day
Love // be love
Mom // the word I hold closest to my heart
Repeat // day in and day out
Now, I want you to imagine a 3-legged stool. Each of the legs represents our mind, our body, and our spirit. Now, imagine if one of the stool legs comes loose or broken. What would you have left?
A wobbly stool that you couldn’t use, let alone sit on. We often go through life like this, a little off balance.
When one of those areas is low, we try to fill it with other things (such as negative thoughts about ourselves, looking for others’ approval, not eating healthy, not working out consistently… the list goes on and on).
People often ask me, “How do you do it all– juggle family, fitness, and business?” I laugh a little because life is a balancing act. You can’t give 100% of yourself to every part of your life. I can’t, you can’t. Some days certain areas are going to get more focus than others and that’s ok.
I don’t think there is such a thing as total and complete balance. I do, however, believe it’s about finding your individual balance and what works for YOU.
The gateway to our minds is through nutrition and fitness. Once those areas are strong, then we can truly step into our authentic power.
In order for us to become physically and mentally strong, we need to work on all three things. By moving our bodies, eating well, making healthy choices, and surrounding ourselves with a positive tribe, it will help us to become more balanced. As our bodies become stronger, we will naturally become stronger mentally.
It’s a practice, and more times than not, we’ll become off-balance and that’s ok. Because when we have the right tools and support system, we can always find our way back.
If you’ve ever felt lost, confused, empty… know that you’re not alone. When working with my clients, the first question I ask is, “How do you want to FEEL?” So many times we’re chasing the feeling of what we think our goals will bring us. Take five minutes today and write down all the things that bring you joy. Pick three of those things and start doing them every single day. Because when you can get into the state of joy and find that feeling, you’ll naturally want to start taking action on your goals.
You can be a great mom while still taking care of yourself. It’s not selfish. I believe it makes you a better person, mom, wife, sister, and friend when you are able to carve out time for yourself. Because after all, when you fill your cup first, you have more for others. We all want that, don’t we?
Erica Hoese is a wife, mother of three, fitness & wellness coach, natural figure competitor, and speaker.
