“I can’t do this!” I sobbed quietly into the unresponsive night. Both our faces were wet with tears, me and this three-week-old baby, Harvey. Birth and postpartum completely caught me unaware, despite my diligent research. After my nearly two days of intense birthing, I was sleep deprived, sad, angry, lonely, and lost for many months.
My husband Max, faithful and tender witness to my personal struggle, and a new parent himself, joined me in all the challenges. We had this adorable, needy human in our lives, and we couldn’t catch our breath. Social media and the world of Google can be a mother’s tool, but also her destruction. I continually saw friends’ posts about their babies sleeping through the night early on. Harvey was not that baby, to say the least. The first six months, I was severely sleep deprived. Our rhythm became a bit better from there, and Harvey did begin sleeping through the night at 14 months. Those first 6-10 months, I thought something was wrong with him, and that I was a failure because I couldn’t teach him how to sleep despite my efforts. As I look back, and after talking with other real life mamas, I see that Harvey was a really healthy baby. I responded to him with more intuition than I realized! But hormones, inaccurate expectations, and lack of community can crush a woman.
When we got pregnant, I didn’t have many friends other than my husband because I am pretty introverted. I processed much of pregnancy and postpartum internally. I wish I would have checked out Blooma Yoga sooner. Blooma: a well-tended soil where mama seeds can root, reflect, and realize they are not alone.
Photo by: Sarah B Photography
I discovered Blooma through my vigorous childbirth education research, but didn’t know anyone who attended classes. One day, Max gave my weary new mom face a goodbye kiss and went to a work appointment at a coffee shop. While waiting in line, he chatted with the woman next to him. She mentioned her kids, and he responded about Harvey and our postpartum journey. “Your wife has to go to Blooma!” she immediately said. She told Max she survived postpartum through yoga classes in a community of mothers.
Two and a half months into postpartum, on my first Mother’s Day, Max handed me a Blooma gift card. I know this was a gift for me, but the joy was his too. His smile said he was rooting for me. This was his way of caring for me. Max knew I was really nervous about leaving Harvey with anyone yet (both Harvey and I would cry). He was excited about the options Blooma offered to resolve this anxiety. Along with New Mama Group and Babywearing Barre Classes, Max was most excited for me to try the Bring Your Own Baby Yoga Class (BYOB).
I’m a bit of a perfectionist and a retired ballerina, so when I arrived at the BYOB, I carried an attitude of competition with the other students. After a few sun salutations, introductions between mamas, and a room filled with accepting postpartum energy, my competitive attitude quickly disintegrated. The girl next to me had brought her newborn twins and her mother in law to help her out. I think this showed me for the first time what self-care really was: being welcomed in the reality of my imperfect mess. I felt peaceful and free to untether my tired boobs when my baby only wanted to nurse in class and not do yoga. It was nurturing and humbling.
Photo by: Sarah B Photography
Yoga classes allowed my brain to finally have rest and space. I had so many unprocessed emotion and thoughts. No one really knows what powerful things are at work in the sister next to them on the mat. Women come, set their intentions, do their thing, and leave. Every time I leave class, I am more myself, and more in tune with my faith than when I walked in the door. Because of this, I am kinder to others and myself. I am a more present wife and friend, and a more nurturing mother.
Blooma has become so valuable to me that my postpartum therapist and I worked it into my recovery care plan. It’s a space where the instructors blow me away not only with their knowledge of the prenatal and postpartum body, but also with their hearts of service toward me as a human being. “Can I get you some tea? A blanket? Can I give you an adjustment with this incredible smelling oil?” Even without the yoga, having someone focus their kind attention on my well being is healing. My hope is that more women find this resource earlier in their pregnancies and continue their personal journeys with support.
As I continue to attend classes and now even bring Harvey to Tots or Little Kids Yoga, Blooma is feeling more and more like family. The welcome I receive at the door or over the phone has not diminished since becoming a regular. It has only become more personal. We take time in each class to introduce ourselves and share a little about our baby journey. These few minutes encourage me as a mama. I feel inspired to reach out to other students, especially when they are so fresh to the parenting gig. It’s not uncommon to see women hugging or shedding a tear, having real life conversations about these new little people we grow to love so much. Blooma supports physical health, but for the mamas who are growing and healing there, it feels like home, and a restful space for the mind and heart.
Ask for the perfect gift this holiday season – a gift card for Blooma. Gift cards can be purchased here or in studio and are good for any service at Blooma including classes, workshops, massage, retail, and more. Follow Blooma on Facebook and Instagram for special holiday offers!
Written by Elsie – wife for life to Maxwell, mama to little Harv Man, and writing every day since she made that first American Girl craft journal at the age of 9.
