Last year, I wrote about my love for dance – and wow! Do you guys ever feel passionate about the subject or what??
There are essentially two camps that people fall into when it comes to the subject of children in dance: the lovers (the all-in, I’m for it group), and the haters (the ‘I think you are ruining your child in countless ways by signing them up for dancing’ group).
Right now, I want to talk specifically to the haters. I’m going to admit something to you.
I get it.
I understand why you feel that way.
Let me tell you – I heart dance. I believe my daughters are more confident girls because they have been involved in competition dance. I could go on and on about the positives, and why I’m glad my girls have both fallen in love with this sport the way I did when I was young.
But what many people see of the world of dance is the icky side. They see tv shows where moms scream at each other (and at their children’s teacher). Where the teacher screams at her students as they cower in fear and worry over whether they’ll be allowed to perform at the next show.
They might show up to a dance competition and see dances where little girls do moves that are way beyond what’s appropriate for their age. Where their costumes are sex kitten instead of cute little girl.
Let me tell you, this does actually happen in the world of dance. There are crazy dance moms, there are crazy dance studio owners, and there are overly sexualized dances.
But that’s not the norm, and it’s certainly not happening at the dance studio where I send my girls.
(Ok, I admit there might be a crazy dance mom or two, but I’m not naming names – wink, wink).
Yes, our girls wear makeup on stage. Just as any other performing art where, under the bright lights, you need to see expression in order to feel the emotion of the dance. Yes, our girls wear fitted costumes, and some are two pieces. Just as gymnasts and swimmers wear fitted uniforms so that they can perform to the best of their ability (pirouettes are tough enough in a leotard – just try it in a snowsuit and you’ll understand why form fitting is better here). And yes, there are studios out there that take these things far too far. My husband has had to avert his eyes during competitions because it can be so uncomfortable to watch.
They just may be ruining it for the rest of us.
Because the haters are missing out on the beauty of dance since all they can see is the icky. It’s hard to get past that icky. I understand where you are coming from, dear haters.
But there really is so much to love. There is a misconception among many that, because there are SOME that choose to do dance this way, everyone must be doing it this way.
Instead, let me tell you about the good. Let me tell you about how their teachers care about my girls, how they encourage my girls, and how much of a difference it’s made in their lives. I could share about how those ‘crazy dance moms’ have become friends, and how they jump in to help one another at a moment’s notice. About how sticking to a commitment, working toward a goal, and being a supportive team member are everyday expectations in our household, largely in part because it’s reinforced in a positive way during dance practices.
Don’t miss the good, dear haters, because all you can see is the icky. Just as with any sport, there are those that teach it well, and those that let it get out of control. You should despise the way some studios over-sexualize little girls, choreographing routines that are far too adult for them and putting them in costumes that aren’t appropriate. You should cringe when a dance mom demands front row time for her girl, or a teacher screams at her student, just as you should when a soccer mom demands less time on the bench for her little star or a coach berates his team.
Just don’t lump those people in with my girls. That’s not how we do dance.
4 comments
What I don’t understand is why do you feel you have to defend yourself and the decisions you make as a parent? It just makes you sound GUILTY.
Be OKAY with your decisions! You don’t need to defend yourself to the world. People will ALWAYS have their own opinions but the more you defend, the more haters will hate.
Oh gosh, dear anonymous, you have it all wrong! I don’t feel an ounce of guilt over what I’ve chosen for my family! I’m just sad that so many people miss out on the beauty of it because they’ve made up their minds that it’s this terrible thing.
I’m A-OK with the decisions I’ve made. But thanks for the reminder that haters will always be out there judging me for them. 🙂
Such a great post, Cate!! I danced for 14 years and they were some of the best years of my life! I can’t wait to have girls one day and see them dance their little hearts out! <3
Well here in Cali where I live it is the icky stuff. The traditional setting of dance is non existent. I grew up doing competitions and I understand a lot of things but here the costumes on the 5year Olds are discusting. There is no need for the risqué costumes. I can understand a 2 piece and form fitting but I do not understand the thigh highs with a rhinestone top and little bitty briefs with a giant rhinestone choker. It is way too sexualized here. And what I hate the most is that it’s the biggest dance studios with the best dancers that feel the need to do it. They have the technique and the body and showmanship but take the costumes way over what is necessary. I had my own team for a little bit and we would compete. My husband got to a point where he would refuse to even go to the competitions anymore because he was so discussed. I did my best to keep my dancers in with the trends but kept it classy too. 2 piece costumes but more than a bra snd undies like most do here. And dance can be so great for kids but for the right kids. It is so competitive here and it can be pretty ugly. For the kids that aren’t the tippy top dancers it can really break them. The ones that are usually tucked away in the back row for every dance. The ones that don’t land solos or a part in the ballet. They tend to eventually say what’s the point and just fade away never feeling seen. Like they worked hard too but watched the same kids get praise and trophies and solos thrown at them year after year. Or if they are a top dancer and someone comes along one day and they finally meet their match and it destroys everything inside of them. Being so used to winning and being the star for so long and when that rising star does show up and beats them and they loose sight of everything and no longer feel void. Dance turned my sister who was the star at a very young age has become such a narcissist and has so much mental damage from the competitive side of dance I feel sorry for her. It taught her good things too but I dont think it balances things out. The bad outweighs the good unfortunately.