For the Mamas Who Lost Their Babies: You are still a Mother

I wish when my husband and I got married 3 years ago, someone had told me that starting and growing a family can be an incredibly difficult and painful journey. Instead, I felt incredibly ill-prepared for the journey we embarked on last year. In July of 2013, we discovered, unexpectedly, that I was pregnant; although we weren’t planning on starting a family quite so soon, we were thrilled at the idea of welcoming a little one into the mix. But soon after, when I was just shy of 7 weeks, we miscarried our precious baby.

Five months later, we were pregnant again and cautiously optimistic, especially after a healthy baby appeared on our 7-week ultrasound. However, when we went to hear our baby’s heartbeat again at our 12-week appointment, we were met with the worst kind of silence. An ultrasound confirmed that our baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks.

Our second miscarriage changed both my husband and myself in both good and bad ways. We allowed the experience to strengthen our marriage and our faith, but we also felt lost, confused and scared about what the future held for our family. A single miscarriage felt like a fluke; a second consecutive miscarriage felt like the deepest blow and left me weary and wounded, both physically and emotionally.

For the Mamas Who Lost Their Babies: You are Still a Mother | Twin Cities Moms Blog
Post D&C Surgery

Friends and family who surrounded us in the weeks and months following our miscarriage were the greatest blessing I could have asked for. We were showered with flowers, cards, texts and calls, but the greatest gift anyone gave me was validating my motherhood. I remember friends speaking truth into my life when they told me our babies mattered, and even though it was only for a short time, I was, indeed, a mother.

At first I felt uncomfortable with hearing that. Me? A mother? I dismissed their words because I thought they were simply trying to make me feel better. But the longer I meditated on what they said, the more it rang true. The babies we loved and lost are part of our family and those little ones made me a mother.

So to you momma’s out there who have lost a little one all too soon, I want you to hear what I have to say: You are a mother, every bit as much as those moms who have babies here on this earth, whether your baby’s heart was beating for a day or a week or many weeks longer. You loved that little one with all your heart and made sacrifices for them to the best of your ability through what you ate, drank and everything in between. When you’re tempted to diminish your motherhood, remember these things, and when others validate your motherhood, allow them to do so and hear those words as absolute truth.

I’m so thankful that our story and journey to starting a family here on this earth continues to be written. Two months after our second miscarriage we found out we were pregnant again. As I write this, I’m 18 weeks pregnant and just starting to feel the first movements of our little one. Although I don’t know what the future holds for our family and for this baby, I’ve learned to cherish each day that I’ve been blessed to be a mother.

P.S: The story of our third pregnancy is quite miraculous. You can read the full story here and here.

27 COMMENTS

  1. thank you for you’re beautiful story,as many of the other one women hereI have two lost a child at five weeks due to an ectopic pregnancy. The loss of a child was so heartbreaking to me and my husband. I have now been told I am unable to have children, and it is the worst feeling in the world. All these wonderful stories are so nice to hear and so happy for everyone who has been able to carry a child full term! Thank you for this beautiful story and post of encouragement for all unless mothers!

  2. Madison, thank you for sharing your story (I went back & read the miracle of this little baby growing in your tummy as well). I will be praying for you & the continued health of your baby & for the grace to trust Jesus daily with this little life. We recently had 3 consecutive miscarriages in 16 months (after having 3 healthy children). We just surrendered this to the Lord thinking that this was not His will for our family right now. We sold & gave away all of our baby things & began looking to this next season of life – and surprise!! We are now 13wks pregnant with a baby boy who seems to be thriving (praise God), but as you & many others know, it is a continual fight for faith. (The only thing I did different this time was the baby aspirin as well). I appreciate women speaking about miscarriage, & about these babies who are ours but kept in heaven for us until we meet them one day. It has helped strengthen my heart & I pray everyone who has walked this road knows that not one ounce of this sorrow & trial is wasted, God desires to use every ounce for good.

  3. […] Rainbow Babies. If you haven’t heard the term, it’s one sometimes used to describe a baby that is born after a family has lost one too soon, just as a rainbow follows a storm.  I’m actually not a big fan of the term.  For me, I remember my youngest brother, at a very young age, asking my parents if they wished for the “other baby,” and I often wonder how I’ll answer that question if/when my son asks me the same.  I wonder if the term puts something on a baby, before they even arrive, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.  I almost hate to share these thoughts “outloud,” as I know that the term Rainbow Babies is one that brings a lot of healing to many people.  To be honest, I’m so glad it does.  It’s just that for me, it doesn’t, but then again, can anything really and wholly heal the loss of a baby? […]

  4. This is beautiful and just what I NEEDED to read to today. I love you sister for your courage and for sharing your story.

  5. Thank you for this. As today is Mother’s day I was going to announce I was 12 weeks pregnant with identical twins after years of fertility treatment and surgeries. I miscarried at 7 weeks on Easter. I have come to realize the more I talk about this the more common it is to miscarry. love to all!

  6. Thank you for this article, it has really helped me. I had an ectopic pregnancy 7 months ago and have struggled to accept it ever since, it gets harder as we approach what would have been my due date and I find myself feeling increasingly depressed.

    One of the hardest things to accept is that I have been left with nothing to remember my baby by, I went from being so excited to my world falling apart in a matter of days, it is the worst thing I gave ever been through

  7. You just re-told my story. I pray your baby continues to thrive and that you are blessed with that joy that comes with seeing and holding your baby for the 1st time. Our 3rd pregnancy finally brought us our beautiful baby girl, who is almost 6! It’s hard to dismiss the pain and heartache of those previously lost even now (proven by the tears currently rolling dowm my face), but time softened my heart and prepared me for this amazing joy I get to see everyday. Big hugs to you and prayers over your little one growing in that belly. Momma loves you little one! ❤ Blessings!

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