In full disclosure, I wrote this post 4 months ago. But wasn’t quite ready to post it. Probably because I think it was too raw for me at the time. And I’m happy to report back, this WAS just a phase. But a phase I’ll never forget. And if it’s ok with you, still wanted to share, because if any of you moms are going through the same phase right now, there’s hope! You’ll get through it. And in my next few posts, I’ll share how my hubby and I became “us” again.
Driving to the airport, getting ready to return home from our family vacation, I looked over at Jamie and asked if he even had any fun? I could tell the entire trip he was a little stressed, was always a little on edge, and never did just kick back like he typically does.
I waited for his reply and with his response, I clenched my jaw holding back tears trying not to cry…
For the first time ever, we went on a family vacation with our two-year old and four-year old in tow. Usually it’s just been the two of us.
And we also shared a house with the rest of our family, and mornings and nights were a little rough… for us all. We were the only ones with toddlers, and let’s just say, they didn’t want to go to bed and they were up at the crack of dawn.
But look how cute they are?! haha…
But, I get it… our dudes didn’t want to miss out at night when we were all staying up past 7pm, their typical bedtime, and then were up at the crack of dawn screaming from the rooftops!
On top of that, there was time change. And biggest mistake, we didn’t bring Beckam’s pack-n-play (he still sleeps in a crib at home) so we couldn’t keep him locked in his cage.
But the truth is, most of our mornings and nights are rough at home, it’s a constant routine and training. Training some more, and then sometimes, re-training.
Getting two toddlers out the door can be a little rough, especially when you need to get to work/meetings too, and then for pick-up… they are hungry and tired… yet still want to play… and it’s always, like I said, the constant training and re-training. And making sure they’re fed, cleaned and loved on.
Jamie’s response in that car ride was, “… I hate that the boys make us fight.”
When will this season end?
I keep asking myself.
When will my husband kick back, like he did when I met him, and we’ll just be us again?
I haven’t stopped thinking about those words Jamie spoke in the car. And it’s made me realize…
Our kids don’t make us fight. We do.
We choose to not take a deep breath in the midst of chaos.
We choose to not simply bite our tongue or walk out of the room. We choose to not hold our temper with one another. We choose to take it out emotionally on one another when the conflict had nothing to do with one another. We choose to raise our voice with one another because our kids raised theirs to us.
When will this season end?
We’re reminded, “Take it all in, you blink and they’re gone.”
Is it bad that sometimes that I want to blink just to get us back to be us again?
We’re reminded, “You’ll miss those sleepless nights…”
I look at my friends struggling with their newborns and selfishly just want a little baby again. Not a toddler who can talk back, but one who wakes up because all they need is their momma to cuddle with. Not a four-year old who has night terrors and now gives us back aches from kicking us so hard all night because we are too tired to fight them to bed to do it all over again… and just give up and in to letting him sleep with us.
I am trying to soak it in, but man, it’s hard at times.
I’m trying to remind myself this is just a phase. This is just a phase. This is just a phase.
Reminding myself to bite my tongue and to give my husband simple love and lots of grace.
But with this phase comes a next, right?
Will the phase ever end? Do we ever just get to be “us” again…
(P.s. I still want 10 more!) I mean, look how much love they have…