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Twin Cities Mom Collective

Who Are Your Allies in the Trenches?

Morning came too soon. I had snuck out of bed and downstairs to set breakfast in motion. My husband was quietly readying himself for work as our four-year-old slumbered away in our bed. Our son had this habit of coming in to snuggle in the morning and promptly falling back asleep. (Some of my favorite moments of the day, I might add.)

Then came the shriek that sent me sprinting up our steep stairs in alarm. My sobbing, sleepy boy – eyes still shut tightly – screamed into the dawning day:

“WHY AM I STILL SO TIRED???”

I know it, little boy. Oh, do I know it. Mornings birth themselves long before I am ready for the labor.

I sometimes wonder if the phrase, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” was coined at a parenting seminar. It really does feel like an all-out battle – some days you are battling your kids; other days it may be household chores or managing the family calendar. These obstacles may feel like enemies, but we take on the challenge to keep forging ahead, gaining ground.

Who Are Your Allies in the Trenches? | Twin Cities Moms Blog

Although it may feel more like a mutiny than a well-organized regiment, you are the commander of your little army. And every commander needs a strategy. Here’s mine:

Identify your allies. I love the show Madam Secretary and happily binge watch whenever it’s on Netflix. Tia Leone plays the Secretary of State, Elizabeth McCord – a conscientious, perceptive, kick-butt woman who negotiates with world leaders for not only the good of her own country, but what she feels is right. One thing I have noticed is that she knows who her allies are – who will have her back – whether it pertains to American politics or autocratic governments abroad. She has key people in her inner circle that she trusts. She depends on them.

Mama, find your people. You need allies – those who will support you, and back you up. Those who make you FEEL like the good mom you already are. Mamas who like you and want to walk with you down your path, not drag you down theirs. If you don’t have allies, you may have to intentionally develop some. This leads to the next piece of the strategy…

Who Are Your Allies in the Trenches? | Twin Cities Moms Blog

Find wise advisors to be on your war council. We need a war council – someplace to go for strategic planning, for ideas, and for wisdom. Here in Minnesota, we have Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) that allows the parents to take part in the class with their child but also the opportunity to participate in a class made up of parents. Some of my favorite ideas and fast friendships have come from this dynamic program. Mothers Of Preschoolers (MOPS) is another great organization designed to encourage and knit together moms. Twin Cities Mom’s Blog has Neighborhood Groups and Community Groups designed to help moms find one another because –let’s face it – we need each other! Churches have Bible studies, book studies, Mama groups, mentoring programs… The people and settings may change but the idea is the same – a sounding board, a think tank and a support group all wrapped into one.

Be willing to call for reinforcements when necessary. Sometimes, it’s time to request the cavalry. One winter, my husband and I were both so sick we couldn’t take care of ourselves, much less our kids. Off they went to Grandma’s while we filled the trash bin with tissues and reminded each other when to take our meds. When I thought I was at my breaking point, I drove to a friend’s house to take a nap while she oogled my sleep-challenged infant. I have let people come to clean my filthy house when I had hand surgery, and asked friends to check on me when I trudged multiple times through postpartum depression. People usually want to help, but you have to let someone know you need it first. And someday, it’ll be your turn to be the helper.

Who Are Your Allies in the Trenches? | Twin Cities Moms Blog

Did you sense a theme in this battle plan? We need other people. You can do this alone – you weren’t meant to. Motherhood can become a lonely place, even surrounded by the noise and chaos of little people. If you don’t have your allies in place or a war council to help form your strategies, maybe it’s time to make it happen – to seek out a place where other moms are at (and I don’t mean Target).

I don’t promise more sleep (unless you find a friend to let you nap), or that your base camp will get any easier with the troops. But it will FEEL different, lighter and more manageable somehow, when you see those other moms next to you in the trenches, fighting for (and through) the same things you are – to raise those sweet little soldiers to be full of courage and strength, and to never back down. Just like their mama.

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