If I were to rank my pregnancies on a pregnancy hardness scale, one being easy and 10 being hard, I think I’d be a three or four.
Probably a three.
A four sounds too generous now that I think about it.
Overall, pregnancies are pretty “easy” for me. I have a bit of morning (er, all day) sickness smattered through out the nine months, uncontrollable weight gain, swelling ankles, aches and pains, restless legs, sleepless nights and the dreaded fat-face, but I think those all are pretty par for the course for a pregnant lady, right? I don’t really consider them bad or good symptoms in pregnancy – they’re just, “being pregnant.”
But the thing is, I really, really, really, REALLY don’t like being pregnant.
But I don’t feel like I can ever say that out loud.
Every once in a while, I’ll get the urge to complain. I’ll want to lament about my five trips to the bathroom last night, my neck being the only skinny part of my body left, or how I’m pretty certain my shoes are tighter than they were yesterday, but then I’ll hear about how a friend was on Zophran for the first 14 weeks of her pregnancy because she couldn’t stop throwing up, or another friend was on all-out bed rest for the last 14 weeks of her pregnancy, and I’ll remember – I have no right to complain.
So I try to keep mum, telling people “Pregnancy is great! No complaints!” Even though at any given moment I can think of 10. Of course, there are times my complaints slip out, usually backtracked quickly about how “I know I have it easy,” and “A baby is totally worth it!” But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen 11:11 on the clock and wished that it was my husband that could carry our babies and not me.
I know for women who have experienced miscarriage or long seasons of infertility, it can be especially hard to hear women talk about how they don’t like being pregnant. How pitiful a lament about a pregnant lady’s stretch marks sounds to someone who’s had to fight for their child and would trade 10,000 stretch marks for their child’s life.
And I get it. I do. So I try to keep quiet about it.
But I’m wondering – can I be the only one?
Because the fact of the matter is, just because I don’t like being pregnant, doesn’t mean I don’t recognize the enormous privilege it is to be so. It doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly grateful to be able to nurture, accommodate and grow two children thus far in my body. It doesn’t mean that I don’t recognize the amazing, beautiful – and frankly – downright miraculous job my body is doing in growing and shaping a human life.
I do.
I just don’t like not feeling like me. I don’t like feeling uncomfortable 24/7. I don’t like feeling out of control of my body, emotions and feelings.
And while I know I can’t use those things as excuses for a bad attitude, complaining or a pity-party, those feelings are real and true. But that is where they have to stay.
No, I don’t like being pregnant. But I love the end result. And that’s what matters here, right? Those nine months of being “not in like” creates a lifetime of being “totally in love.”
And so, on the days when my “pregnancy glow” is really just sweat from walking from the couch to the kitchen, I remind myself: “I may not like pregnancy, but it is worth it. Nine months for a life. Nine months for a lifetime of love. Nine months and then I get to eat sushi.”
13 comments
Ditto; I’ve only gone through it once though. I had no huge complaints, things went rather easy all things considered and I absolutely love the end result. However, I’ve taken to comparing it to working out/weight lifting/running. You hear of people who enjoy those things, but for the rest of us, it’s just something you grit your teeth to get through in order to be healthier/enjoy the end result.
Perfect comparison Lisa! It’s exactly like working out – glad to hear I’m not the only one!
I’m with you on this one!!! I absolutely hated being pregnant even though I had a very “easy” pregnancy. I am so incredibly grateful for my twins but I am dreading going through another 9 months! Just keep reminding yourself it’s worth it 🙂
You can do it! I like to remind myself that in a few years, nine months will just be a blip in the radar for our little ones!
I hated it with every fiber of my being! I made a paper chain to get me through the last weeks/days. I even knew I was complaining! By the end of the term, I knew my husband was sick of me complaining too!
It effects you from head to toe, and I hated them moving inside me too, weird. Glad I have two healthy kiddos, so it was worth it!
Ha! I love it! I still complain to my husband – that’s for sure. A girl’s got to get it out somehow, right? 🙂
Pregnancy is just plain hard! I think it’s absolutely okay to speak truth about that. I’ve been through infertility and miscarriage, prepartum depression and 2/3 whole trimesters of Zofran for 2/3 pregnancies because I threw up so many times every day that I couldn’t keep anything down. But I know there are still women who have it harder, and it’s not a Pain Olympics. We all sacrifice to bring these sweet babies into the world, and even though they are worth the suffering, it’s still ok to claim “this is my story, and these are its hard parts.” I think it makes us all more human and humble to remember that. Thanks for sharing your story!
Good point about the “pain olympics” – everyone has their own hard. Thanks for the encouragement!
I hated when the doctor said that I was only 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Then he proceeded in scaring the crap out of me because I have yet to hear a heartbeat or even see the baby. I have to feel scared the next 7 weeks until I reach the second trimester. Nerve wrecking….on top of that I’m restless and I have so much heartburn. I loved my first pregnancy minus constipation but this one is already giving me a run for my money. I just don’t like being pregnant, but I do love my unborn baby very much. I just want to feel normal again….already. It’s about to be a long 9 months.
Thanks for sharing this. I thought I was being a selfish brat, but I felt the same way twice. I was healthy for 36 weeks both times & then on bedrest the last 4 weeks due to preeclampsia, but other than that, I was just fat and swollen. Then I had breastfeeding duty after each birth. I longed for the time when I could be ME & in control of my own body again. Pregnancy is hard work, and it’s dangerous at times & scary. I think we should stop romanticizing it & be more honest with each other. I was one of those Moms who was honest about being stressed & bored at home, who couldn’t wait to get back to work & adult time. I would get judgmental looks at times when I spoke my truth. Everyone’s different. Each pregnancy is different & our experiences & feelings are valid.
I thought I was alone. I’m only 11 weeks, but I hate the crying, the mood swings, the change in my appetite. I have friends who glow during their pregnancies and are so optimistic. But I just want to speed through the next few months and be me again. I miss the energy, I miss carrying whatever I need to and not worrying I’m hurting the baby. I feel so guilty and selfish for the way I feel.
Thanks for your honesty. I’m pregnant and wish I weren’t. I hate babies, I hate being pregnant, and I feel like I’m preparing to go back to an abusive relationship once this creature comes out of me. My kids are 7 and 5, and I LOVE it! I had no intentions of ever having more kids, and then I found out I’m pregnant by some freak accident. I’m 15 weeks, still cry all the time, but have to put on a happy face when people ask me how it’s going. Every time someone calls me “Mama” instead of my name, I want to punch them in the face. Then when I had the courage to slightly voice a little bit of what I was feeling with a family friend (my mom’s age) on FB today, she was shocked and judgmental, and made me feel even worse. I talk to my husband about it, but he doesn’t really get it. I’m too scared to try to talk to other people, because it seems like everybody likes babies, and thinks you’re a psycho nut job if you don’t.
Oh… How I love all of you women and your comments. I’m so glad that I was not alone in the not loving being pregnant and always to “fake” the loving the pregnancy part. Thanks for being real and honest everyone!