When Will It Get Easier?

I find myself asking this question a lot these days. I’m the mom of a busy preschooler and an almost toddler who doesn’t like to sleep and I am TIRED. During the afternoon, I find myself starting to fantasize about the possible sleep I’ll get that night, or on particularly hard days, I start fantasizing about sleep as early as 10am.

When the kids go to bed, there’s no time to relax because there’s a whole string of chores that must be done. The kitchen has to be cleaned up from the explosion that was dinner, the toys have to be picked up in the living room because what if there’s a fire and we have to get out of the house in the middle of the night and we step on toys which impedes our exit!?! The office desk is overflowing with bills to be paid, papers to be filed, and random, small objects that were wrestled away from the baby during the day.

Then there’s the laundry. Oh, the laundry. I’m not sure, but I think the laundry multiplies in the baskets in the basement. Just last night as I began another load of laundry when I really wished I could be in bed watching HGTV, I recalled the simpler days.

I wish I could go back to when I just had one child and grab Younger Me by the shoulders, look her in the eye and say, “Mama. You’ve got it GOOD. Go everywhere, do everything you want to do, and enjoy it because you’ve got it easy right now with just one kiddo.”

Or even before children. Do you remember those days? Man, we had it good. I remember my husband and I had so much time on our hands that we’d sometimes just sit on our large orange couch in the apartment and stare out the window. I’m not even kidding. We had that little to do.

So when will it get easier? When can I go back to the carefree feeling of days past? The more I think on it, the more I believe that will never happen. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I think life keeps getting tougher on new levels because we can handle tougher. And the more difficult and complex the seasons, the more intricately beautiful we become.

Recently my parents shipped my childhood piano to me. After the movers left, I knelt down by the piano bench, lifted the seat cover, and took out my cherished piano books. I opened up one of the beginner books and began teaching my daughter where to place her fingers on the keys. She started to slowly hammer out two-note songs, delighted that she could create music. It was so fun to watch her.

After she played as much as she wanted to, I pulled out one of the more difficult books. I sat at the bench, placed my hands on the familiar keys, and began to play. I recalled the hours I had spent practicing that allowed me to play on the spot. I was grateful for the work I had done at each step along the way that allowed music to flow now.

Just like mothering, just like this crazy thing called life, a piano student doesn’t master the piano to go back and play from the beginner books. A piano student masters the piano to play beautiful, complex music. And in this overwhelming life of parenting, I’m learning and growing and it is getting tougher because I can handle tougher. I can make beautiful things with this full life swirling around me – because of this full life swirling around me.

If I were to go back to life with one kid again, instead of feeling easy, I think it would feel empty. I wouldn’t know the joy it is to see the love my two children have for each other – the way the baby’s face lights up when big sister walks into the room, or the way she treats him with absolute tenderness in every interaction.

If I were to go back to life without children altogether, I think I’d just be bored! Winter wouldn’t be filled with making snowmen and sledding, spring with puddle jumping and digging in the mud, summer with training-wheel-bike-rides and trips to the splash pad, and fall with examining the colors in every.single.leaf.

So the next time I hear myself asking “When will this get easier?” I hope I can stop and remember how far I’ve come, embrace where I’m at, and recognize that while it feels overwhelming, it is uniquely beautiful and paving the way for even greater things to come.