When Mom Goes Back to School: Five Things to Consider

Considering going back to school? Not sure if you’d be able to balance relationships, parenting, work and taking care of yourself? Worried you might sacrifice your family for the sake of your studies? It isn’t alway easy, but there is a way to go through school in a peaceful, balanced and enjoyable way! Hopefully my story will shed a little insight into how it’s possible, even as a single mom.

When I became a mom, my midwife and I agreed it would be a good idea for me to meet with a counselor to discuss my new challenges as a single parent. At my first session, my counselor asked me where I saw myself in a year. I could tell my answer quickly provoked some doubt in her as I listed my dreams: “In our own apartment, with a secure job, in a relationship, and finishing up grad school.” She told me that seemed like a bit much to aim for as a woman in my position. As helpful as she was trying to be, I reminded her that she asked me the question and my answer made perfect sense to me. So, I freshened up my resume, created an online dating profile (oh, boy), and re-enrolled in graduate school. The new apartment could wait a little while longer.

None of these tasks would prove to be easy. Despite my determination to go back to school and finish what I started, I struggled through the reality of what this would mean for my new little family. As I contemplated this big step I was about to make, I found myself working through some big questions. If you’re thinking about going back to school, here are a few questions you may want to consider asking yourself and a few points on how you can make it possible, even with little ones in the home.

1. How would this affect my relationship with my child now? I thought about this question the most. It worried me as I was practicing as many principles of attachment parenting as possible and as much as I wanted to, my professors probably wouldn’t be too fond of me wearing my baby in class! I worried about the implications of being at both work and school and how this would impact the bond I was establishing with my newborn. The fact that I was his only parent made this even more terrifying to me. To combat some of these concerns, I committed to never going to work and school in the same day. I took only a couple of classes at a time and always had half of my day open to being with Leo. As he got older, we implemented bed sharing and I set up clear boundaries on when I would do homework even if it meant writing my entire thesis after 8:30 PM! Leo always came before school and in the end, it didn’t matter if I got an A- rather than an A+ or if my dishes sat in the sink last night (again), but the close bond I established with my child did.

2. How would I be able to provide financially for my family? Many parents who return to school are the sole provider for their families, and even those who share this responsibility find this to be a difficult question to work through. I am one of those women who happen to have an extremely close and supportive family and isn’t afraid to take out a school loan. This meant that while I wouldn’t be moving into that new apartment anytime soon, I would have the wonderful opportunity to live at home with my parents while juggling motherhood, work and school. While living like a minimalist isn’t always easy, this was a great time for me to learn to cut back on spending and live more simply. Like back when I first went to college, but in a more grown up way this time. Cutting back on your income is never fun, but with a little creativity it’s amazing how thrifty you can become!

3. What purpose would this serve for my career? The answer to this question changed drastically for me since my son came into my life, which is why this was especially important to ask myself. Before Leo was born, I was prepared to work in the field of international development and was working towards my Master’s in International Education. So, was school even worth it anymore? While I’ve put my dreams of working abroad aside in order to be fully present in raising my son, I have found innovative ways to use my degree in my own community. In my situation, the decision to finish graduate school also meant changes in my salary and important knowledge that I am now able to apply to my work no matter where I am. While an advanced degree isn’t always necessary, other types of courses and training can be just as important for the work you do.

4. What would I lose if I didn’t do this? In my case, a lot of money! I already started graduate school and was quite invested. It was probably good that I had so little money at the time I made this decision because while it meant more student loans for me, it also meant that previously spent money would not go to waste! I always feel an investment in any form of education is worth it. On top of this, I realized that if I didn’t finish school I would be missing out on the opportunity to teach my son a valuable lesson in perseverance and overcoming difficult circumstances. I’ve always felt my son was a reason to get out and live life to the fullest and this was the perfect opportunity to show him this. Whether it’s an opportunity for a career advancement or those twelve credits you’ve already taken, most of us can come up with something important that we’d miss out on if we didn’t take the step to continue our education.

5. What message would I be sending my son by finishing school? This question is a bit personal to me, but I think about it often when I’m faced with big choices in life. What am I teaching my son about life if I do this? I’m a strong proponent of girls’ education, especially in vulnerable populations. Around the time I accepted I would not be entering a career in international development, I also found out I was pregnant with a boy. As terrifying as the thought of raising a boy alone was to me, I realized the amazing opportunity I had to raise him to respect and value girls and women. I realized he would have the opportunity to grow up with a strong, educated female role model, which seemed strange to me because that’s never how I’ve looked at myself. Even as I write this, I am looking around the room with a Who, me? look on my face. I didn’t exactly grow up with many examples of women who balanced career and family, so the purpose of education was confusing to me as a child. Becoming the most educated person in our family was the first step in showing Leo that our family not only values education, but we support the right to education for both boys and girls. And, yes, even for moms. Moms who can be strong, educated, intelligent and still put their family first.

I had heard in many polite ways that no one would blame me if I didn’t return to school once the baby came. I probably doubted myself more than anyone. What was the point anymore? How could I ever afford this? What have I gotten myself into? Am I even capable of this? While the choice wasn’t easy, I’ve found that the determination, courage, creativity and hard work it took to finish my degree is now what makes me feel most proud. Your house may end up being a little messier, you may eat on the run more and find yourself drinking enough coffee to fuel your entire family, but it’s temporary.

For me, it was the little snuggles at the end of the day and the loving support of friends and family that made me realize how unique and surprisingly timely this opportunity was. Never before had I valued any of these the way I did while I was in school. So, I said it to my classmates on hard days when I was in school with them and I’ll say it to you now, if I can do it, you certainly can!