This year for Mother’s Day, I’m not going to pretend like I don’t want anything. I’m going to be real. I’m going to tell you exactly what I want.
I want new yoga pants because I wear them every day and the ones I currently have are covered in dried boogers and yogurt from when my kid wipe their faces on me.
I want just one car ride without the Moana soundtrack playing in the background.
I want one picture where everyone is looking at the camera and no hands or arms are blurry. And I want to print it out and hang it in our home so when people come over they know that there was at least one moment in time when my kids had clean faces and matching clothes.
I want new earrings, even though the only time I can ever wear them is on a date night since my baby likes to rip them out of my ears during the day.
I want a spa day so that I can actually feel like a woman again instead of a mom-bun-sporting, t-shirt-wearing, baby-food-in-my-hair mess.
I want a new white comforter for our master bedroom so that I can at least have one room in the house that feels grown-up and elegant.
I want a big wad of cash and a day of childless shopping. And it wouldn’t hurt if I looked amazing in everything I tried on, either.
I want a year-supply of chocolate. And I don’t want to share any of it.
I want already planned and paid for date nights so that we actually go on dates instead of putting off plans until the last minute and ending up bringing the kids with us to the not-so-romantic McDonald’s.
I want a gift certificate for a massage because last time I went the masseuse told me I should get them more often. And that was BEFORE I had kids.
I want new perfume so I don’t always have to smell like spit-up and diaper cream.
I want a robotic vacuum so I can just put my feet up while my robot sweeps up all the food and dirt the kids spread everywhere.
I want a maid service to come and clean my house from top to bottom. And I don’t want to be there to see their looks of disgust when they find dried baby food splatters on the wall and leftover hardboiled Easter eggs we hid and couldn’t find.
I want a gym membership so I won’t feel as guilty eating that third cookie after my kids go to bed.
I want a date where I don’t have to make the restaurant reservation or call and arrange a babysitter.
Get me one of those things, and we can talk about what you want for Father’s Day.
Chelsea Johnson is the mommy blogger behind the popular pregnancy and parenting blog Life With My Littles. She is also the author of “Preggers,” a new straightforward and laugh out loud guide to pregnancy. She loves pregnancy, pizza, running, and the color pink. She and her husband reside in Minnesota with their three children.