Worry: the age-old friend that contributes to early wrinkles and daily frustration. Are there any other mamas out there that battle with worry on a daily basis?
I tend to be a worrier by nature. If you were to take my husband and me and plop us down in the same situation, I’ll be the one thinking of all the things that could go wrong.
Sometimes, worry can be channeled for good. Worry propels me to make sure that the living room floor is free from choking hazards for my baby. Worry compels me to do a tick-check when we come home from being outside in long grass, and post a “how to help a choking child” pamphlet on the fridge.
But worry is also draining. It’s hard to be present when your mind is constantly circling on the “what-ifs.” It’s hard to enjoy being outside with your kiddos when you’re gripped by worst-case scenarios.
Here are a few helpful things I’ve come up with for my fellow worriers:
Assign your Google searches to a more stable companion
Most moms of little kids have Googled ridiculous things such as, “My child ate a bite of ChapStick, is he going to die?” And, while I believe the answer to that question is typically “no,” there is always someone online that has a story- “my son ate a bite of ChapStick and then he had to be hospitalized for 14 months and then they amputated his foot.” And a worrier like me will hang onto that story like it’s life. “Look!” I’ll proclaim to my husband. “The chapstick is the destroyer! No more ChapStick in the house ever!” as I rush my child who barely licked the ChapStick to the ER.
After a few over-exaggerated reactions, my husband now bears the righteous title of The Designated Google Searcher. When my child does something crazy and I want to Google it, I make my husband do it. He weeds out the crazy stories and proceeds to give me the sane (and most correct) information. I have resolved to get off Google and stop reading crazy forums— while most people can probably sort out fact from ridiculous fiction, it panics me a bit too much.
Get a great doctor and nurse line
And of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the beloved nurse line. I’m not sure what my doctor’s office thinks of the frequency of my calls (and emails… and picture messages…), but if there’s anything medical that seems “off” with my kids, I can talk to a certified nurse in minutes.
Instead of ruminating on the possibilities for hours (or days), I’m so grateful that I can get the right information and set my mind at ease. The Poison Control Center is another great one— they’ve gotten a few calls from me that they probably laugh about after they hang up, but I’m beyond thankful for them.
Weed through your social media
I love reading blogs and learning from other people. Some sites are fun, some sites are informative, some are snarky and sarcastic. But I realized I was also subscribed to a few blogs that simply fed my worry. One website, in particular, seemed to have an article almost daily about a child that died because of [insert incredibly rare scenario here]. All of the sudden I’m feeling anxious about mundane things because of one child and one incident (and with a likelihood of it happening to me, about 0.000000001%).
I’m coming to see that there’s a difference between being an educated parent that works to keep her children safe, vs. a parent-controlled by fear and worry and “what-ifs.” And for me, reading these dire stories day after day did nothing to contribute positively to my parenting, but rather took away from it, so I unsubscribed.
Get out of isolation
Sometimes things happen— with me or with my girls— and I’m sure that they’ve never happened to anyone else. The other day, I expanded on a ridiculous “what-if” scenario with my husband that I was sure no one else had ever experienced, and he stopped me mid-sentence: “Babe! Of course, other moms are dealing with this! This is normal. You need to get around more moms and see it for yourself.” I may have been irritated, but he was right.
When we get off the Internet forums and into real conversations with other moms, we can share stories of the time our child did ___ or said ___ or ate ___ and see if anyone else has experienced it. Chances are that they have. There’s nothing like bringing our worry into the light that exposes it for the foolishness it often is.
Deal with the deeper issues
This post is not aimed at someone dealing with anxiety or anxiety disorders (if you are, please tell a friend and doctor). But even those of us who find ourselves battling “normal” worry frequently need to stop and ask the why question. Why are we so easily worried? Is it from things we are [mentally] consuming? Does it come from our childhood? Are we running really low on sleep? (Sleep deprivation always did a number on my worry.) It may feel threatening to ask the deeper questions, but they’re helpful. Bring them to the people you know and trust and work through them together.
Some of these tactics might seem trite, but they are so helpful for me as I work towards growing in confidence and peacefulness in my parenting. Do you have any tips or tricks to add?
