Twin Cities Mom Collective

The Most Important Relationship In My Life

I love my kids to the moon and back.

You would too if they were yours – they’re fantastic, amazing children. There’s much to love about them. And I’d do pretty much anything for them.

But they’re not the most important relationship I have here on earth.

Nope – that’s with my husband.

The Most Important Relationship In My Life | Twin Cities Moms Blog

 The hubs and I on our wedding day.

I know, it’s a shocker. And you might think I’m a bad mom for feeling that way. I wouldn’t blame you – we’ve been trained for years to think that our lives should be child centered. That we should cater to their every whim. And that everything else is secondary, including the needs of our significant others.

A friend of mine was recently talking about a trip she has planned with her husband. She mentioned that she gets a lot of negative reactions when she tells people she travels without her kids.

Why is this? When did we slowly turn into a society that values the role of parent over the role of wife?

My husband, Ed, and I have taken a long weekend to ourselves every year since our oldest daughter turned 1. It’s a great way to reconnect and realize who we are with each other, without being Mom or Dad. Even a date night alone helps us to get some good bonding time in. We change so much over the years – I want to know how he’s changed, where his head is currently at, and everything about him.

I don’t want my children to head out the door at age 18, leaving us alone with each other, and suddenly realize that I don’t know the man with whom I’m living.

Moms with young kids – I know that it’s hard to carve out time with your spouse. Believe me, during the first 6 months of my twins’ lives, I scarcely had a conversation with Ed, much less a date night. But it’s really important.

Start small if you have to – light candles when the kiddos are in bed and chat around the kitchen table with a glass of wine. Enlist a friend to swap babysitting nights. Grab an hour and get some coffee together. But make it happen.

Moms with older kids – I know that it’s hard to carve out time with your spouse. The kids are in activities and you’re more of a taxi driver than anything else. Between dance classes for two girls, and t-ball for my son, our nights are nuts.

Go for an early morning walk together, while the kids are still in bed (if they’re old enough to stay home alone). The extra time to sleep may feel precious, but that time together is even more so. Or just sit outside on the porch and sip your morning joe together. Meet for lunch while the kids are in school.

My husband and I are 12 years into marriage. It’s inevitable that we are both very different people than when we met at age 21. I want to grow together instead of apart. I want that for you and your significant other.

I promise, you will not regret the time spent working on your relationship. When you’re an empty nester, you will be so glad you did.

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7 comments

Lisa Mezyk September 11, 2014 at 7:31 AM

Nice article Cate. I’m glad you guys make time to spend together. I think you hit the nail on the head with this one! Love you both! XXOO

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Suzanne Cartmill September 11, 2014 at 8:42 AM

Love that it is your number one! A connected couple provides security and it all trickles down from there. Good for you being intentional in your relationship!

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Heather K. September 11, 2014 at 9:12 AM

Right on and Bibical! It’s hard to not be consumed with everything else and make time, but it is so important. Thanks for sharing this, Cate 🙂

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Jaime C. September 11, 2014 at 9:16 AM

So awesome. So true. Kids are not the center and they do so much better in understanding what marriage is about if that is the case. They’ll see that mom and dad love each other and them.

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Jenece September 11, 2014 at 9:50 AM

Agree 100%….it is hard at times with kids and life, but so so true!! Nice work friend:)

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Melissa B September 11, 2014 at 12:06 PM

Well said!

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Megan Lebens September 11, 2014 at 12:12 PM

Wonderful reminder!! Great post!!

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