One of the most challenging aspects of motherhood in this digital age is the built-in comparison between yourself and others. Intentional or not, one casualty of mindless newsfeed scrolling is the realization that we may not be living our best life. Not that I intentionally compare my humdrum day with the seemingly adventurous lives of others, but it is a natural result of looking at the content others choose to post. While rationally I know that people often present the best version of themselves on social media, I must consciously remind myself not to get caught up in the comparison game.
For what I fear is that our family life has not only become routine, but mediocre. Such fears of mediocrity are most painful when it comes to motherhood. My children will never sport masterful homemade creations come Halloween. Nor did I make the decorations for their birthday by hand. In fact, I just recently discovered the value of Pinterest. What a great resource for those of us lacking that creative gene! Yet, it also serves to remind me of the areas in which I am lacking as a mother. Craft projects are never my choice activity despite the value I know they provide. On the spectrum, I suppose I identify more with the Amazon Mom than the Pinterest Mom.
Thank goodness for daycare centers and schools that offer exposure to the subject areas in which I lack. Early on in my role of motherhood, I was forced to acknowledge that I will not be able to give them all they need to live complete and successful lives. Yet, I can give them an important gift. The gift of unconditional love. As their independence grows, what is most important to me is that they know they are loved beyond measure. That no matter what life has in store, within our family they are safe and loved.
What I am is a “me” Mom. I am the best Mom I can be to my girls. As I was putting my eldest daughter to bed the other night, she snuggled into my lap and said, “You are such a mommy mommy. You will always be my mommy.” You know what, yes I am, and it is my greatest achievement. I am the mom she needs me to be. Only I know how to make the voice of her prized stuff animals or rub her back in just the right way when she is upset. I am far from perfect, but what is important is that I work every day to do my best for them.
Some days my best is not good enough. My faults come to the surface, and I look forward to the next morning when the day starts with a clean slate. What I must hope is that the good outweighs the bad. That what they will remember is the morning cuddles vs. the short temper I displayed later when requested they get dressed for school for the 100th time that morning and the memories we make together over the times spent apart when I need to feed my introverted personality’s desire for space.
That does not stop the guilt that seeps in when I see others engaging in what I have deemed “perfect mother” activities. Wait, you made your baby food from scratch? Oops, dropped the ball on that one. I guess I would have to get more comfortable in the kitchen to master that feat. Your child can read by the age of three? Wow, better up the literacy lessons in our house. All the things I should be doing to improve the lives of my girls, and here I am catching up on social media. It is exhausting and unproductive. When I stop for a reality check, I am struck by the reality that our girls live a pretty charmed life. The opportunities afforded to them others can only dream about.
I am not, nor will I ever be, the perfect housewife and mother. I know that, now I just need to accept it. What I am offering my girls is another example of motherhood. An example that demonstrates that it is ok to maintain my own sense of self, while also being their mother. To live in a family where both Mom and Dad share in their upbringing. Each offering our own unique skill set to the process. Daddy is the kid at heart. The one that is perfectly content to spend endless hours playing outside or in the pool, while I encourage fun in a different way, whether it be making up silly songs in the car (probably on our way to Starbucks) and run around the house dancing.
So, next time you are passing (dare I say wasting) time scrolling through your social updates, remember that you are a Mom and that is enough. Few will ever do the job perfectly, but you will do what is perfect for your family.
