Are expectations in life essential? Can they become too high or unrealistic? Whose expectations matter most – yours or those of someone else? What about when you know you expect too much, but don’t know how to change or just don’t want to? What about creating expectations within your family?
As a parent, I try to be incredibly cognizant of how my children perceive what I do and say. I know I am setting an example for them and want to create positive expectations and an environment that supports learning, work and fun.
As a woman, mom, employee, partner and business owner, expectations are hard to balance. I take on a lot; perhaps too much, depending on who you ask. As a result, I’ve learned through varying degrees of trial and error, that not everything in life is equally important, or holds the same weight.
That lesson has allowed me to prioritize my professional life in a way that emphasizes what work really matters and what just needs to get done. Once a perfectionist, I understand now the pursuit of perfection is unattainable and that, most often, done is always best. Instead, focus on doing my best within the scope of what a know (wise words from a former boss) and try to remind myself not to apologize (too often).
Lately, I’ve been once again struggling with expectations. Setting expectations within this strange world of 2020 has been (and continues to be) a challenge, because what we know and what we can realistically expect are constantly changing. I struggle with the expectations of others who refuse to acknowledge that nothing is normal now and it’s okay to slow down and give grace. And I struggle with my expectations for the future… where to push and where to give. This is exemplified again in my professional life by the fact I own a restaurant where the unknown is especially scary.
With all this said, here is what I’m doing to both set and manage expectations in all areas of my life – especially those imposed by others.
As a parent
My children are now back to school (a mix of in-person and distance learning) and I know expectations are important. When they are at school, there are expectations about hygiene and mask-wearing, physical distance and more. While these expectations are anything but normal, they reflect our current way of life. At home, it has been helpful to implement some degree of routine and, of course, expectations around how each person can and should contribute to the family. Especially with so much time at home, I’ve found that we all thrive on these expectations. My children appreciate the structure and knowing what we need to do each day. They take pride in cleaning up after themselves and have even recognized how much easier it is to clean up when they do it regularly.
At work
Working in the field of marketing and communications, especially in higher education, feels chaotic most of the time. There is always a new and urgent need, and to-do lists rarely get completed as planned. Balancing incoming requests with strategic priorities is challenging and constant. And somedays, the meetings leave little to no time to do the work being discussed. This means I have to continually prioritize and reprioritize. I have to ask myself what needs my time and attention, and what just needs to get done. I have to create lists and block time and keep moving forward, even when it feels impossible. The weeks are long and hard, the weekends pass too quickly, but I remind myself that expectations during a pandemic must be fluid and flexible. I give myself grace and do what I can… because really, that is all I can do.
As a business owner
I have no doubt that every business owner out there has felt like the rug was pulled out from under them in the last 8 months. With big plans and great expectations for the future, the pandemic has changed everything. I own a wine bar and – I’ll be honest – it is hard. After being closed for a majority of this year, I’m planning to reopen soon and it is scary. Expectations are irrelevant because there is truly no way to plan for what will happen. Will we be ‘busy’? Will someone get sick? Will it last? Can we survive? There are far more questions than answers and despite my best efforts at planning, there is no plan for the unknown. All I can do is my best. That means making strategic choices about my menu and wine list to maximize product turnover, equipping my staff for whatever is to come and hoping for the best. Normally, I would say hope is not a strategy, but hope is one of the only things I have on my side right now – like so many others.
As a woman
I ask a lot of myself. Ultimately, I know it’s important to prioritize what matters most, especially as the mom of girls. I want them to take care of themselves, do what they enjoy and surround themselves with good people. I want them to set high expectations and strive for more, but I also want them to be realistic. I want them to know that relationships matter more than things. I want them to try and fail and try again. I want them to know that everything doesn’t have to be perfect, nor will it work out perfectly the first time. I recognize they are always watching and it is up to me to teach them about expectations, both setting them and living up to them. I want them to know that it’s okay to fall short, especially when it comes to other people’s expectations. Sometimes the journey is more important than the outcome.
I recently wrote about my season of yes and it holds true today. As I continue to work on this concept of expectations, I’m saying yes to:
- Projects at work, because I have a job and I want to continue to contribute.
- New opportunities, because I don’t know how long they will last or what might come next.
- Stretching myself a bit thinner than usual, because I want to do what I can to prepare for an unknown future, while still doing good work.
This season of yes is teaching me to set expectations that allow me to do what needs to be done and do it well. This also means not every task gets equal time and attention. This is a season and time for grace. To do what needs to be done, while also appreciating all that you have. For now, I’m doing what I can while still making time for an evening walk before this fall weather is behind us. I’m working on weekends and after my children go to bed. But I’m also prioritizing a bit of self-care and making time to unwind with a good book. Sometimes, it’s the moments or months of hard that force us to figure things out, make tough choices and finally learn to prioritize and set realistic expectations.
