It was shortly before midnight and I was finally crawling my way into bed, ready for the mental and physical rest I’d been pining away for all day long. I grabbed my lumpy, old, hand-me-down feather pillow, stained from years of use and far from the fluffy oasis it once was. How long had I been sleeping on it? A decade? Maybe more?
I fiddled around with it – per my evening ritual – shaping it to support me the best that it could. As my head hit the pillow, a small, dusty puff of air released itself while a familiar sniffle crept into my nose. Was it the dust from this sad old pillow that made me want to sneeze every night and incessantly clear my throat? Maybe. I’d have to look into it… someday. When I had time, I’d research my options and get a new pillow. Probably…
But there were other more important things to do first. I can wait, I told myself.
For the next 15 minutes, I fidgeted my way towards desired comfort – squirming, readjusting, fluffing that pillow once more.“That’s it! I have had it!” I emphatically proclaimed aloud. “I am buying a new pillow TONIGHT!”
Snatching my phone from the bedside table where it was charging, I swiped my way to instant-gratification heaven: Amazon Prime. Within 10 minutes, I’d narrowed it down to three choices, read the reviews on each, and purchased a brand-new, sleep-enabling device that would be arriving on my doorstep the following evening.
“This is our last night together, ole pal,” I whispered to the deformed mass. Delighted with my decisiveness and the hope of future rest-filled nights, I finally drifted off to sleep.
The next day felt like a holiday. I listened for the front gate and peered obsessively out the window at passing vehicles, anxiously awaiting the delivery of my slumber-savior. Just after dark, the dog set off for the front door barking in protest at the noise beyond. I peeled down the stairs after her.
Could it be? Had my precious package finally arrived?
There it was – a brown box glowing with promise. I held my cardboard trophy victoriously above my head and ran through the house shouting and giggling in celebration. I’d won! I’d successfully changed my life for the better by making a simple decision I’d been putting off for a decade. Why had it taken me so long?
Sometimes I get so busy caring for others that I lose sight of the fact that I need care, too.
Sometimes I actually think that the needs of others outweigh my own.
Sometimes I forget that choices don’t always need to be researched and scrutinized.
Sometimes decisions just need to be made – in an instant, from your bed, at midnight.
Now, I have a new nighttime ritual – I grab my fluffy pillow and hug it close to my chest. I feel the plush, squishiness of it in my arms and rub it against my cheek. I revel in its softness and how perfectly it cradles my neck and head. I love that I can add or subtract filling – whenever I want – to tailor it to my wants and needs.
You may be saying, “Really? All this joy from a new pillow?”
It sounds crazy, I know. But for some reason, this pillow – and the act of buying it for myself – makes me feel loved and important. Like I am someone WORTH buying new things for and not just “making do” with what I already have. I guess this is what self-love feels like. Let me tell you – it feels so good!
Friends, what is one thing that will help you feel cared for? Is there something that can make your life just a little bit easier or better? Is there a decision – even a small one – you can make today that will help you feel victorious and loved?
I am giving you permission: Make the decision. Do it today. Right now. And pay attention to how it makes you feel. It’s time to show yourself some love, my friend, because you are totally worth it!