When I had my first baby two and a half years ago, I was bound and determined that he would stay with me in my hospital room after he was born. I coached my husband beforehand, telling him to make sure they didn’t take my baby away, mostly because of those horror baby switching stories I’d heard about. I also wanted as much skin to skin contact immediately following birth, and I wanted to breastfeed as soon as possible.
My worries were soon put to rest when the nurses reassured me that they encouraged rooming in and would support and help me keep my baby by my side as much as I wanted.
I endured the first night with him in my room, but by the time the sun came up in the morning, I was even more exhausted than when I went to bed. Not only was my body completely worn out from giving birth, but my hormones and emotions were all over the place. Being a new mom made me feel paranoid and worried that something would happen to my baby, so I basically stayed up all night staring at him and making sure he was still breathing.
Despite my weary state, I kept him in my room all day, and loved being able to hold him as much as I wanted. Then we had some friends stop by who already had kids, and she mentioned that she had sent her babies to the nursery at night. Hearing her say that was so encouraging. For some reason, I felt guilty for wanting to send him there because rooming in seemed to be so popular.
After talking it through, my husband and I decided that we’d send our precious bundle to the nursery overnight, so we could get some rest before going home the next day. The nurses were happy to do this, and didn’t make me feel like less of a mom because of it. They brought him to me every three hours so I could breastfeed him, but besides that, I was able to get some much needed rest.
We were discharged the following day, and I was extremely thankful we decided to get a little extra shut eye before going home, where we wouldn’t have extra help in the middle of the night.
When I had my twins a year and a half later, we had just moved to Minnesota and the hospital I delivered at didn’t have an option for nursery care. All the babies roomed in, unless they were delivered before 36 weeks. I didn’t know this until we got there, but someone was watching out for me. I delivered at 35 weeks and 6 days, meaning my babies spent their time in the nursery. I was so grateful. I would visit them every three hours to breastfeed them, and they kept to that schedule beautifully when we went home two days after they were born.
I’m expecting my fourth baby in September. I absolutely loved the hospital I delivered my twins at, but I’m nervous that nursery care won’t be an option assuming I deliver at full term.
More and more hospitals are moving to rooming in only, or are strongly encouraging their staff to push back when a mom wants to send her baby to the nursery. I’ve read countless articles about the benefits of rooming in, but I still feel that every mother should have a choice in the matter. From my experience, I don’t think it should be mandatory. As moms, we know what’s best for us and our babies. Some of us will do better when our babies are with us during those first 48 hours, and others of us will do better when we’re given the option to get a little rest.
What are your thoughts on this hot topic? Do you think hospitals should continue to offer nursery care as an option or do you think rooming in should be the only way to go?
39 comments
While it is true people need to make the decisions that are right for their family, we shouldn’t pat each other on the back for every “choice” a person makes and pretend all parenting “choices” are equal. They are not. Evidence-based practice shows that newborns need to be near their mothers, especially during the first three months of their lives. As much physical contact with their caretakers as absolutely possible to promote healthy bonding. When we put newborns in separate rooms we actually increase their risk of SIDS and impede their ability to bond. That’s the evidence. Hospitals should be practicing evidence-based care, which they do in some regards, and totally fail in others. Let me stress again: EVIDENCE BASED PRACTICE. If your hospital encourages rooming in they are practicing evidence-based care and that should be celebrated. If you “choose” to send your baby to the nursery, you aren’t practicing evidence based care. You can tell yourself it’s the best choice for you, but you can’t refute the evidence saying it’s not the best choice for your baby. Further, I fail to see how being woken and having to walk down the hallway to breastfeed your twins is somehow a “good night’s rest.” I actually fail to see how being awake every three hours is a good night’s rest any way you slice it. It’s disjointed sleep, the worst kind you can have. Further, evidence again shows that having a baby within arm’s reach promotes the best amount of sleep for mother and baby, and since oxytocin actually makes mom and baby drowsy when it’s released, like it is during breastfeeding, logically it would follow that keeping a baby close would promote the best night’s rest. Finally, you are trying to extrapolate your experience as a new mom with baby #1 and being “up all night” to make sure he was okay with your experience of baby #4, when you likely won’t have the same anxiety as it isn’t your first rodeo anymore. If you choose to send your baby to the nursery that *is* your prerogative, but it’s not evidence-based and shouldn’t be held up to rooming in as though they are equal choices with the best possible outcomes for the baby.
Maria,
Thank you for taking the time to read our blog and to state your opinion. While we completely respect your opinion, I do have to say that the first thing that came to mind when reading your thoughts is that evidence, yes, is a helpful and wonderful thing, but it does not take personal experience, emotions or specific individual needs into consideration. The 48 hours in the nursery are important, wonderful moments and hours, but even if we go with your basis of the first three months being proven to be important, the first 48 hours are just that, only 48 hours of a very long three months. Women should be applauded, encouraged and supported in those hours after another tiny human comes out of their bodies. If we can’t do that for them, we’re not doing anything right.
I see your points, I hear what you’re saying, but evidence can’t take into account the woman who went through 48 hours of labor and simply can’t keep her eyes open, or went through a traumatic birth and needs a few moments to gather herself or the c-section mama who is having a rough recovery. I firmly believe that we have to support these woman and be understanding in their need for rest.
Furthermore, rooming in vs. hospital nursery is not as clear cut as it seems. Using the nursery doesn’t mean that you don’t see your baby for the entire stay of the hospital, aside from feedings. It means that you have the OPTION to have your child there overnight as you get the much needed rest you so deserve after delivering or going through major surgery to deliver. Most woman who use the nursery option do so only for short periods of time, and even if they use them longer, they make that choice so they can go home to be the best mom they can be to their baby.
Twin Cities Moms Blog FIRMLY believes in supporting choices for parents that are safe and healthy and nothing about using a bit of nursery care is unsafe for our babies and we also believe that doing what is best for mom is a very healthy choice for baby. We WHOLEY support moms to do the very best they can and encourage them to ask for help when needed. Moms have to be able to know they can ask for help from day 1 and we applaud any woman who is strong enough to do so.
Lol Maria, do you even have children? I have 4 of them. I have co-slept and nursed all of them and you will truly get a better night’s sleep if your baby is in another room. Each time a I moved a baby out of my bed and into their own room I wondered why I had not done it sooner. As a new parent every gurgle, every coo, every movement, and every sound makes you stir…makes you look over to the crib to see if they are still breathing. Just when you doze off, you are woken up – definitely not good sleep. I don’t think there is a mom out there that would dispute that. Having them in the secure care of the nurses makes it much easier for new moms to get the rest they need before going home. I gladly sent my kids to the nursery. With my twins, the hospital did not even offer a “nursery” on the recovery floor..where you went to room with your baby. I still sent the boys to the nursing station and there they slept. Every couple of hours they were brought to me to nurse them, change them, cuddle them and back they went. I’m 100% sure all of my 4 kids are perfectly healthy, happy and well developed without any trauma cause because they were in a separate room for a few hours the first few days after they were born. I don’t think you should try to guilt moms about their choice.
Hi Maria – thanks for stopping by the blog and sharing your thoughts. Have a great day!
I had an emergency c-section and delivered my daughter premature. Having surgery myself meant I wasn’t even able to see my baby (who needed to stay in the special care nursery) until I was able to transfer into a wheelchair. I pushed it at 12 hours. Even after that, I was not able to hold her for long periods, and simply being in the room with my child was not an option most of the time. I struggled with a lot of guilt over this, and other areas of my pregnancy and delivery that were out of my control. She is now 2 1/2 and healthy and happy. She had no scaring from her “traumatic separation” from me and she is a perfectly validated, loved and and snuggly little girl.
This article saddens me. For me, being apart from my baby goes against every maternal instinct I have. After giving birth I feel fiercely protective of my child and can hardly stand for a nurse to touch him, much less take the baby out of my sight. I don’t have a nursery at my house and since my goal is to have my experience be as homelike as possible, I have never and would never send my baby to the nursery. I have three children and my husband is well aware that if i am physically unable to care for my child then he is to step in.
Thanks for your comment Elizabeth! I’m so glad you’re confident in what works best for you and your family. Listening to those maternal instincts are so important.
I was forced into “nursery care” when my daughter was born three weeks early and went to the NICU one hour after birth. This was literally the most heart breaking experience of my life. I understand the need for rest but I would have given up slee for a week straight to have my sweet girl in the room with me instead of in an intensive care unit. Please don’t think I am knocking your decision at all to have the baby go to nursery because you are recovering after labor but just try to think about it the other way around – if you didn’t have a choice at all.
I think it’s great that rooming-in is an option, but I don’t think it should be forced on you. The hospital where I delivered heavily emphasizes rooming-in but they tell you not to let your baby sleep with you. A sore, exhausted mom (especially post-section) in and out of bed to get the baby… doesn’t make sense to me. I heard they’ve eased off a bit on not allowing nursery care here because they are starting to see babies getting dropped.
Thank you for writing this article. I’m sorry I’m late to the discussion.
My daughter just gave birth to my first grandchild and there was no nursery option. My granddaughter was born term, but with a very unusual stridor sound that every nurse commented on during their five-minute checks every few hours (“Oh! The baby sounds like a bird!” was something we heard dozens of times). Because the nurses had relinquished the vast majority of the baby’s care to the new first-time parents (because the parents were rooming-in), none of those nurses “learned” my newborn granddaughter either, or spent enough time with her to recognize a medical emergency when they were presented with it.
That “cute” bird-sound for my granddaughter turned into an emergency nicu admission at 2 days old, and surgery a few days later, after one nurse’s five minute visit *finally* recognized it as a serious respiratory distress. I believe my granddaughter’s condition would have been diagnosed earlier if medical professionals had spent more time with her (nurses in a nursery setting). Because of this experience, I’ve learned nursing care for a newborn in a rooming-in setting is much less involved (parental care/bonding, which is non-medical, is stressed instead) and situations like ours may become more common.
Nurseries should not be eliminated in favor of forcing parents to recognize both emotional and medical needs of their newborns.
I think it should be the mother’s choice, not the hospitals. I’m a mom to 3 boys and had to have c-sections with all of them. When I had my first I was 12 days over my due date and was getting induced. Little did I know that my body wouldn’t dialate. I spent 2 days on pitocin, never dialating past a ONE–my water even broke naturally. Finally they decided to do a c-section that second night. To say I was exhausted once my little one arrived was understatement. Trying to be super mom I kept my little one with me the entire time and when it was time to go home I was worn out, over tired and healing from a C-Section. I didn’t set myself up for success initially, but learned my lesson.
After having the next two I decided to have them spend the night in the nursery starting around 12AM-5AM so I could get some sleep. Each C-Section was harder and harder on my body and required longer recovery time. My third one I spent most of my stay sick with a stomach virus and in so much pain I couldn’t even hold my baby.
It truly would be a disservice for hospitals to not allow parent’s to send their babies to the nursery. That’s my two cents 😉
Clearly I am reading this long after it was published. After attending our baby classes before the birth of our first child, I informed my husband that we would definitely be rooming in with our precious little bundle of joy when he arrived. The woman who taught the classes definitely pushed for those and bombarded us with information about the benefits of rooming in. However, after a 31 hour labor and delivery, I was thoroughly exhausted. The nurses at the hospital encouraged me to send my little man to the nursery at night but also told me that, ultimately, the choice was mine to make. They told me to take advantage of the help and the opportunity to rest. They brought him in every couple of hours to nurse, and I used the rest of the time to take in some much needed sleep. When we had our second baby, there wasn’t even a doubt in my mind that I would take advantage of the opportunity to sleep by sending him to the nursery.
I am so thankful that I had nurses who encouraged me to make the decision I thought was best for me and my family.
My gorgeous little boy just turned one and I’m still feeling a bit panicky reading this! The hospital I delivered at was “Baby Friendly” and didn’t have a nursery, which sounded just great to me before having him, I was going to have this lovely natural birth and then snuggle with my baby all the time and it was going to be great! Instead I had a lovely csection at 10:12am on Saturday after my water had broken late Thursday night. By Saturday evening I had gotten about 7 hours of sleep total over the past 84 hours. We survived, but it was pretty terrible. I liked most other things about the hospital and I really like my doctor, but I’m seriously considering going somewhere else for the next one.
The facility that I work for is working toward Baby Friendly. This rooming in topic has created a lot of stress among the nurses who – let me tell you – are actually you’re biggest advocate even when you don’t realize it. They are probably giving feedback to their managers and educators, trying to make it better for you. We are not exactly “closing” our nursery, but it’s not really staffed with a designated nursery nurse unless there’s a sick baby. The mother/baby nurse is responsible for the babies who are sent there when mom’s decline rooming in. While there is ton’s of evidence to support it and we are required to educate you on the benefits of rooming in and teach you what we do to calm babies, every single nurse really will take the baby if you continue to want it. I promise you that your nurses are not judging you and will not think you’re a bad mom because of it. That’s our facility, though, and we’re not certified yet. But, it’s hard for me to imagine other facilities really don’t have ANY place to take the baby if you really are too tired or sick to keep your baby in the room with you.