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Twin Cities Mom Collective

Remembering Who You Are in the Chaos of Motherhood

It’s been six years and ten months since I became a mom. And even longer since I’ve remembered I had an identity prior to becoming one.

Becoming a mom has changed me in wonderful and challenging ways, but underneath the frantic feelings of wanting to do it all right and making it through the day, is the same woman who has always been in there. I just don’t always know how to find her buried behind the to-do list of my family focused days.

I once had someone tell me she thought I may struggle with remembering who I am. Actually, she used the word knowing who I am, but I don’t think that’s the issue. You see, what I really think is happening is I’ve loved being a mom so much that sometimes I hide parts of myself behind my children. 

My children are who I talk about. Who I think about. Theirs is the hand I grab when I need to get out on the dance floor at a wedding or am forced into a moment of spotlight that I’d normally shy away from. They make me feel strong and able. Despite feeling incapable much of the time, I find a confidence in who I am as a mom that I forget I once had that before becoming a mom, too.

It makes sense. I am deeply in love with the motherly part of my identity and being a mom makes me feel like I’ve finally arrived at the place I was born to live.  I love having purpose and drive behind all I do. I thrive in moments when I can love on my kids.

Remembering Who You Are in the Chaos of Motherhood | Twin Cities Moms Blog

When I prepared for my first son’s birth, I invested every bit of my being into bringing him safely into this world and that’s really never stopped for a moment since. I can see why we call parenting one of the most selfless acts, but I think we sometimes lose light of what true selflessness looks like. Being a new mom, I didn’t realize that being selfless and motherly didn’t require that I lose myself in the process. Selfless love for our children isn’t wrong. It is good.

As long as you remember who are you in the process.

When we find a way to make being a mom and who we were created to be coexist, it can be one of the most lovely and redeeming qualities that we possess. Showing our children and our partners who we really are is what we all deserve. It’s actually what our loved ones seek in us. 

I’m not entirely sure how to do this, but I know that the longing to find the me I’ve often hidden behind my love for others is worth unveiling. I don’t think I need to change the way I invest in my children. I just need to know I am still in there and ask myself, how I can reconnect with her?

I don’t need to reconnect with my pre-child, younger self by staying out late or spending time and money as I wish. I need to recognize the fact that the busyness that fills my day has pushed aside all opportunity to connect with the me that lives somewhere hidden behind the chaos. I don’t need more TV time or a manicure (though it’d be nice) or to scan my phone one last time before bed to find myself. I don’t need to fill my days with more.

Remembering Who You Are in the Chaos of Motherhood | Twin Cities Moms Blog

I need a quiet moment to remember.

Internal quiet, that is, because we all know external quiet isn’t coming to our homes anytime soon.

I need to quiet my heart to remember who I am.

I need five minutes alone in the car before picking my child up from school to breathe. To reconnect. 

On an early Saturday morning I find myself journaling for a moment, grounding myself even as my little one runs up and exclaims the floor has turned to hot lava and I have ten seconds to save myself from the rushing explosion that implodes. Literally and figuratively. This is my life, seeking peace and pause amidst the flowing lava monster and Legos beneath my toes and the dog toy that I just pulled out from under me.

Remembering Who You Are in the Chaos of Motherhood | Twin Cities Moms Blog

My soul needs quiet relief to remember who I am.

Quiet relief in a car full of noise.

Quiet relief in the trying-to-get-out-the-door meltdown.

Quiet relief in a bedtime full of giggles and fits.

Somewhere in it all, if I could just connect with my soul as I was made to be, I will find my peace in the noise and chaos.

The other night, in a particularly difficult parenting moment, as my child wept in front of me in serious upset, I reminded myself of who I am. I am a woman of peace. A pillar of strength. I am a calming voice. I am a woman who feels love and gives love. A woman made of and for goodness. A woman who accepts and extends grace. 

And in that moment those truths were all I could feel. And as a result, all I could be.

Peace for my family.

Peace for myself.

So, remember who you are when the chaos comes tumbling around you.

Remember who you are when fear grapples you in the unknowns.

Remember who you are when the little hands come tugging at your shirt when all you really want is a moment alone. 

And if you’re not sure if you can remember who you are, as I often feel, just remind yourself that she’s in there and she’s worth reconnecting with.

You are made for good. You are made for love. You are made for the moment you are in right now.

How do you find yourself amidst the chaos of motherhood? 

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1 comment

Veronica Davis June 26, 2018 at 8:58 AM

This. This resonates with me soooo much! My twins just turned 5 and I feel like in this past year I’ve been able to reclaim a bit of myself again. To take those pauses. I’ve been in survival mode so long it seems…I love to write and to paint and to be creative and it’s starting to come back. It’s so important isn’t it? I also find myself hiding behind my kids in some social situations and I’m realizing they are getting older and less needy and I can’t do that much longer. Time to find me again….

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