Aside from a few weekend getaways, my husband and I have never taken an extended vacation together in the seven years we’ve been together. I am pretty content at home and have never found myself bit by the travel bug. But more than that, it’s been a financial thing; neither of us wanting to spend too much money on an expensive trip when it could be saved and put toward toward fertility treatments and growing our family. We got into this mindset that money spent on traveling was money we could be putting toward our baby fund. Frivolous vacationing was never on our radar.
But then we had a miscarriage in November, followed by a chemical pregnancy in February after transferring our second of three adopted embryos. In a matter of months, we had dropped over $15,000 in an attempt to get me pregnant.
We walked away with nothing to show for it.
Nothing.
I take that back. We had things to show for it, but were still lacking the one thing we were hoping to take away from the painstaking process. We have the dearest and kindest people that surround us. We wouldn’t be where we are right now without their love, support and endless grace as we’ve navigated these murky waters.
We could have jumped right back into another cycle with our third and last embryo from our wonderful donor family, but we knew our hearts, and especially my body, needed to heal.
We decided to carve out time to take our very first, weeklong vacation. For the first time, we were spending a larger chunk of money on something that didn’t have a high probability of yielding a baby. Unless you’re a believer in the old adage, “Relax! Go on a vacation, and then you’ll just get pregnant!” Ya know, because it worked for your co-worker’s best friend’s sister. Because vacations! Getting infertiles knocked up since the beginning of time! I heard the biblical infertile couple, Sarah and Abraham, took a cruise before they finally got pregnant. True story.
The day arrived. We got to the airport with plenty of time to spare. We ate some expensive airport food with zero guilt. I purchased a highly recommended book (Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic) and tucked it in my Vera Bradley tote. Again, no shame. Sandals were in our checked baggage, along with a several other warm weather necessities. And I may have purchased three of those mini bottles of wine on the flight. Maybe. But who’s counting?
It was then that I was reminded, like I often am, how happy I am to be married to my person. The person that was meant for me and knows my heart unlike anyone else. And I might know a thing or two on what makes him tick as well. Things are definitely not the way we thought they’d be. While we aren’t yet sure where our parenthood path will lead us, we’re in this together.
And together it was time to take a break.
To relax.
To recover.
To regroup.
To just be us.
But you’re still not allowed to tell me to just relax and a baby will happen.
Ain’t no one got time for that.
