When they say your heart walks outside of you, it’s true.
Mothering changed my identity. Part of me is in my son. My life is tethered to him, our family woven together like a braid. Distinct parts pulled together as one.
Sometimes the woven-togetherness of motherhood can cause us to forget or ignore our passions. But I believe there’s a way to purse my passions and gifts in a way that helps me love my family rather than competing with my family. When I’m flourishing, my whole family does, too.
First, identify your passions.
Maybe you know immediately what you’re passionate about.
Or maybe you feel so absorbed with your kids and the immediate thing in front of you that you’ve lost touch with who you are and what you enjoy. If that’s the case, then take some time to consider what would give you joy or what you loved doing before you became a mom. Ask your spouse or a close friend what gifts and abilities they see in you. Maybe you like rock climbing, gardening, mentoring, or photography. Give yourself a little space to start doing something just for the enjoyment of it.
When I think about what I’m passionate about, the first things that come to mind are loving my husband, raising our son, and making our home a place of joy and peace. Mothering is by far the hardest yet most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
Before having my son, most of my jobs involved caring for others. And, ever since I can remember, I’ve also enjoyed the arts: ballet, design and personal style, creative writing, blogging, and poetry.
So, my passions are a mix of all of those: art and creative writing + mothering and caring for others.
Then, pursue your passions.
For a long time, I viewed writing as what I do when I have extra time. But things that get relegated to the category of if I have time, never happen. If it’s important, I have to make the time happen. Here are a few things that help me pursue writing right now:
Identify your peak time of day. By this I mean the time of day when you’re the most motivated, awake, focused, or creative. For me, that’s during my son’s morning nap. I use this time to do work on something that fills me up: writing, reading, and creating. I try not to do other housework like bills and laundry during this nap. I find that I can get stuff like that done while my son is playing near me, so I save my creative, thought-intensive work for when he’s sleeping and I’m not as distracted.
Make sleep a priority. My son usually sleeps through the night now, so I try to go to bed by 10pm so that I can get around eight hours of sleep each night. I have a hard time being creative when I’m sleep deprived. Caring for my body helps me care for my soul.
Get outside. Sunshine and fresh air are good for my soul. I try to go for a walk or play with my son outside each day. My husband and I often take a walk after dinner and this is a great time for us to reconnect. I often get my best ideas when I’m walking outside.
And don’t forget to honor your season of life.
There’s a season to run hard toward a goal, and a time to step back. There are seasons to say yes often, and times when our yeses are rare. We can’t have it all at the same time, but we can enjoy each season of life for the opportunities and limits they offer us.
Being a mom doesn’t mean you have to let your passions go. It may mean they come to fruition at a slower pace during some seasons, but I’ve learned to never underestimate the fruit that can come from slow and steady efforts.
I know some moms are in a season of life where they have almost no wiggle room to do anything besides care for young children. If that’s you, take heart: your work is meaningful and beautiful even if it feels unseen. You can start small. Pick one thing you enjoy but don’t get much time for and schedule in a couple hours a week to do that thing. Maybe you take a dance class or research ways to get involved in local politics. Whatever it is, make a little time for it. Small steps can go a long distance over time. Motherhood might even stir up interests you never knew you had. While I always enjoyed writing, I found myself especially drawn to it after my son was born.
I believe it’s good for our children to see us enjoying the talents and gifts we have for the good of society.
It just might inspire them to do the same.
