A friend of mine recently had plastic surgery. Her reasons made sense; I definitely understand her desire to have a little surgical help. She has two children; the first birth resulted in a c-section and the other was a VBAC. Before she had children she was thin and in high school she played soccer so the girl is athletic. No matter how many days she went to the gym during the week, the amount of carbs she cut out of her diet and the number of miles her running shoes accumulated she could not get the stomach back that she once had.
To some this may sound silly or even vain but when it begins to hinder your daily life; the way you feel about yourself and your parenting ability the stakes are raised times ten. I know I have days when I look in the mirror or step on the scale and it just darkens my mood. I don’t know about you, but I just don’t have time to spend two or three hours in a gym with a personal trainer six days out of the week.
Whether the desire is embedded in our hearts before we enter this world or merely a global mentality, women want to feel beautiful. In every culture around the world, you will find definitive characteristics that the culture deems as beautiful. I don’t think this is something that we can unlearn nor is it something we can teach our daughters to simply not care about. I think most women want to feel beautiful perhaps this is why a woman’s body after baby is most shocking to her in the United States?
The female body undergoes both physical and biological changes during pregnancy. Look at a postpartum woman, like myself (pictured on the right); you cannot deny the changes in my body pre-babies verses my current third pregnancy. From stretch marks to abdominal muscles splitting, enlarged lactating breasts to smaller, droopy breasts after lactation, pregnancy is a real doozy on your body. It will not be the same again. Some women feel fine with this. In fact there’s an entire blog devoted to celebrating the beauty in the unaltered female body after baby. It feels like there is this outwardly acceptable pride associated with mothers standing up and saying, “I love my stretch marks!” or “I love my shriveled up boobs!”
What if your inside doesn’t match those outward sentiments? What if you’ve avoided looking in mirrors because you hate those stretch marks brought on by a pregnant belly or too much weight gain? What if you insist on covering yourself in front of your spouse or significant other because you hate how your breasts could be mistaken for raisins? These emotions play with your mind. I’d love to say I’m above wanting to have my pre-baby body back but it is not the truth. I do miss my pre-baby body. I want to feel pretty the way I used to.
One of my favorite pieces of writing is by columnist Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune. You may recognize the words if you graduated high school in 1998 or 1999 when director, Baz Lurhman, turned the column into a Top 40 pop song. In her column she says these words which have often echoed in my heart when I’m looking in the mirror,
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Liposuction Surgery by Vishal Kapoor, MD
After watching my friend go through her procedure and seeing how amazing she looks, I must admit I understand now more than ever why some get plastic surgery. The surgery, although extremely painful, has lifted her confidence. She can comfortably wear jeans again without having a muffin top hanging over the sides. The scar that once was the focal point on her bare stomach is a mere memory. For her, the image staring back at her in the mirror reflects the woman she has always thought she was. The problem was that her outside shell was hiding what she felt was inside. She’s beautiful; she was beautiful before her surgery but now she’s confident. I want what she has now.
I have to ask myself (and this is about me, my thoughts and has nothing to do with another mother’s choice to have surgery), “At what cost?” It’s not just a money thing either. What will I be saying to my daughter if I have surgery and she finds out later that my perky breasts have been altered? Will she understand that the reflection in the mirror was more than I could bear? Will she know and understand that the way I feel about my body is in no way a reflection of her or how I think she should feel about her body? I don’t know the answers. In my heart, I think that my actions will impact the way she views herself; it’s inevitable. She may feel empowered to be the best woman she can be or she may adopt the same distorted body image that I have.
The decision is a difficult one to make. All I’m really trying to say is that I get it: I understand why my friend had surgery. Why? Because I (secretly) want to do the same. I know that maintaining my “fixed” body would require continued workouts and healthy eating but man, would it be nice to get that old body back. That pre-baby body I had before 2008. That same body that I thought was ugly and fat. Oh the silly thoughts of youth!
So you, the mom who is reading this who has had plastic surgery, hear me when I say this: I understand you. I understand the heartache you felt when you looked in the mirror and saw the stretch marks, maybe even the huge c-section scar, or the droopy breasts. Here’s what I want you to know: I am not judging you at all. I wish I could do the same. Just as your decision to have surgery is a choice, my decision not to is also a choice. One, isn’t better than the other; so hold your head high and please tell me that your perfectly sculpted abs isn’t just cutting out carbs and working out at the gym. Maybe if I know that your beautifully perky breasts have been augmented perhaps I’ll stop feeling like my body is failing because I cannot be like you, no matter how many chest presses I do at the gym. You are beautiful, inside and out, and so am I.
photo credit: VishalKapoorMD via photopin cc
4 comments
LOVE this blog!!! It’s something that I think NEEDS to be discussed!!
Agreed Jennie! We are SO grateful that Bert is brave enough to put it out there.
This may not be true for Bert’s friend, but since I am of an older generation, I’m going to brave it and say what I think. When I had our three kids, my doctor was very strict about weight. 24 pounds if you were having twins was the limit. And he stuck to the 2 pounds a month rule. I had three big–the last was 9lb. 11 ounces, babies and a week after giving birth was back in all my regular clothes except I was a little more ample in the bust because of nursing. I think doctors today do women a disservice by letting them gain all the weight they want, and then do nothing to help with weight loss after giving birth. You don’t have to gain thirty to sixty pounds to have a healthy baby in the United States. The sad thing is that many women never get rid of that “baby fat”, and that leads to problems down the road. A healthy diet, moderate exercise and portion control make for a healthy baby and a happy post-baby mom!
Love,
Mary
Mary,
I never saw this comment before! I think you are so right – I’m not sure it’s bad for everyone to gain so much, but you don’t need to gain 60 for a healthy baby and they tell you everything will be okay without follow-up care to help you get back to where you were later, as you said. I’ve never thought of it that way and now that I have, it does seem to be a disservice! Thank you for not being shy enough to say so!
Beth