Pending Doom: When Mama is Traveling

What do you do to prepare… when you know your partner is going out of town… for two weeks… leaving you alone with your two kids, your big dog and life?

My partner travels a LOT for her career as a researcher working on human rights violations (can’t really begrudge her that). Her travel generally takes her out of the country for weeks at a time. In fact, she’s off to South America this week. With two kids under the age of three at home, it can feel like pending doom the days leading up to her departure. So I’ve developed a few tricks that help.

I give you: The List of How to Avert Disaster When Mama Leaves Town

Be kind to yourself
Maybe this means taking a bath once the kids are finally asleep. Or other days it might mean wearing the exact same thing you wore the day before. Things don’t have to be perfect, or even close to it. Mostly happy and mostly healthy, that’s the aim.

Relax the rules a little
Some days that means just holding it together by whatever means necessary (you want to feed your baby brother, sure) and others that means a morning at the museum instead of school, because you deserve to have a little fun too.

The “Mama treat” jar
We have a special jar that sits high up on a shelf. Before my partner leaves, she sits down with the kids (really only the oldest understands at this point) and they count out special treats for the number of days she will be gone. Each morning after breakfast, my daughter gets to have one treat from the Mama treat jar. Then we count how many are left. She starts to get really excited around the two-treats-left mark!

Become friends with your immediate neighbors
I cannot emphasize enough how amazing this is. One time when my daughter was about ten months old, I literally knocked and opened their door, handed her off and ran away yelling something about being late to a meeting. They know what she eats for lunch, when she naps, where things are in my house. And she loves them. It’s really a win-win for everyone.

When people offer help, take it, they mean it
Some of our friends really love our dog and they offer to walk her when my partner is out of town. I absolutely let them. If someone wants to come over and help at dinner, order a pizza and have an adult conversation while a new face makes sure your kids eat too, by all means come on over.

Meal prep and clean laundry 
Obviously. This is huge and can save trips to the grocery store panicked or morning shenanigans trying to piecemeal clean clothes together. Also, it’s ok for the kids to eat cereal for all three meals one day. (See Be kind to yourself, above.) It is not ok to do this two days in a row.

Remember that she’s not on vacation
Even though she may be in some pretty great places you would love to be in with her, she is working and is away from your family, which isn’t easy either. You cannot get resentful. It’s not worth it. Once she’s home, you want to get right back to having fun together, there’s no place for grudges here.

Mama kid day
Once my partner gets home, she makes a point to spend at least part of a day with each kid doing something they love together. This helps all of them reconnect and eases some of the “punishing” behavior my eldest is prone to display when she’s been away.

Mommy day
Lastly, I get a “me” day when she’s back to do whatever I want or need. That might mean brunch with friends. Or a hike alone in the woods. Whatever it is that I want. One day is mine, all mine.

This is what helps us. (My mom raised me as a single parent. I thank her often.) When she first started traveling, it felt close to catastrophic even imaging her gone. We’ve all gotten better at it. There are days when it is still really hard. And there are other days when we’re in such a groove that we’re rocking. We make it work. And when she does get back, it’s a joyful welcome home.

What would you add to this list?