We’re all familiar with the parenting adage to “choose your battles.” I’ve certainly found it easier over the years to hold on to some things and release others from my hands. I can’t nitpick my kids for every little thing because there are three of them. All I would ever do is nitpick, and that would be miserable for everyone involved. I could constantly remind them to chew with their mouths closed, sit up straight, wear clothes that match, brush their teeth, pick up their toys, charge their iPads, and fold their laundry, but that’s exhausting. Instead, I choose the ones that are important to me and leave the rest to the universe to deal with.
So battles…choose them wisely. Here are some of the things I’ve let go of over my seven-plus years of parenting because I simply cannot.
Wearing Shoes
Unless they absolutely have to wear shoes, like in public, I just do not care anymore. It’s not worth it to me to remind them to put on their shoes every time they run out to the backyard or ask where both of their shoes are 2.3 minutes later when I spy them barefoot. If my youngest didn’t learn his lesson last year when he got such a large, deep splinter in his big toe that it took no less than two nurses and one doctor to extract it, then he never will. Go with God.
What Time They Wake Up
My kids are perpetual early risers. They came out of the womb this way. We’ve tried green-light clocks, reward charts, adjusted bedtimes, and more, all with varying levels of success. Now, at the ages of seven and five, I have given up. Largely because they’re now old enough to entertain themselves in the morning. I don’t usually know what time they wake up anymore. Do whatever you want so long as it’s quiet and let me sleep until a normal hour of the day.
Their Battles With Each Other
Unless someone is on fire, bleeding, or being physically hurt in some way, I’m not intervening. Not now, not at this time of summer, not after the past year and a half of togetherness we’ve all had. They might bicker themselves to death, but I am claiming freedom from being their personal referee.
Clean Laundry
My husband or I wash the laundry, loosely sort it into piles (underwear, PJs, socks, etc.), and from there, it is out of our hands. If they want to dump their socks in the drawer so it looks like a family of hamsters has been nesting inside, so be it. And no, I will not help you if you can’t find your favorite pair.
The Food on Their Plates
I started serving dinner family style a year ago, and I haven’t looked back. Everything goes on the table, and they dish up what they want. If that means they sometimes eat nothing but flour tortillas and shredded cheese on taco night, so be it. They have the power to dish up as much or as little as they like of each item and I don’t police the number of bites or variety of food on their plates. We each gain some independence—me from patrolling what goes in their mouths, and them to listen to their own bodies tell them what and how much they need.
Screen Time
Technically, this is a battle I have picked, but I streamlined it years ago. My kids watch TV every day after they eat lunch and have quiet time in the afternoon. They know they get to watch TV for 30-60 minutes every afternoon, that they rotate through who gets to pick what they watch, and that Fridays are movie days. We have similar structures around iPad usage. As a result, they never ask for TV or iPad time at any other part of the day. They know exactly when their screen time is coming and this particular issue has been completely cleared from my plate.
Phew. With these things off my mind, I can free up my brain for the things I have deemed important, like reminding them to clean up their plates after meals, not leave markers scattered across our brand-new carpeting, and putting their clothes IN the hamper instead of next to it in a pile on the floor. (Just…why?)
What battles have you washed your hands of?
