No “I”

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years now. It honestly keeps getting better and better. Until it doesn’t.

No "I" | Twin Cities Moms Blog{Photos by KNZ Photography}

We had gotten into a groove to where I never thought anything could go wrong. And then I thought, once you are this far in, why would it ever be rough again. We had created systems for how living together works well. And then, we completely SHATTERED the system and our world came crashing down. 

You see, within the past 6 months or so, my husband and I have reworked our entire lives. We “retired” him from his 9-5 job so he could come home and work his real estate investment business full-time. It’s all we ever wanted. Living out our dreams with both of us being home. Sharing the workload 50/50. 

And that, my dear friends, is when the issues began to arise. You see, we both started out with similar expectations. And then some perspectives shifted and needs were not being met, and words were not being said. We began going months with resentment toward one another. Fighting for time to work on our own businesses. Desperately seeking for what we both needed from the other person.

From my point of view, I can honestly say that I was only thinking about myself and what I wasn’t getting from my spouse. And he was feeling like we weren’t even walking together, hand-in-hand with similar goals anymore. We were pulling apart because we so easily lost sight of what is truly of value in life.

I’ve begun the process of reassessing what is actually important to me, both in the big scheme of things and the day-to-day. What it boils down to is that my husband and my children are at the top of my list. But, how I spent my time was not reflective of that. What I was spending the majority of my day doing was not in line with what I kept saying my value system rested upon.

My husband, Seborn and I, began communicating more about what we wanted out of life and this journey together. And we knew that we needed to shift some things around. One of those being, that we needed to stop arguing for things for ourselves. We needed to start putting the other person’s needs first. We needed to make deposits into each other’s love tanks more.

No "I" | Twin Cities Moms Blog

We began a code word as a reminder to keep putting one another first. “No I.” As in, “No I in team.” Because we are a team. We are in this together. This journey together through marriage and parenthood is a remarkable gift and along the way, we can lose sight of the purpose of it all. Sometimes, a readjustment is in order.

Here we are, 10 years in, and readjusting all the systems we had in place. We are reworking it all and choosing to stay together instead of growing apart. Because it would be so easy to just allow that to happen. I was freshly 21 when we got married. Just growing into those sweet years of my early 20s. And here I am, 31 years old and a completely different person than whom he married. But that’s the thing. We get to wake up each morning and choose to love. Choose to grow. Choose to invest in one another.

I don’t have it all together, I really don’t. I’m learning as I go. Gleaning wisdom where I can. And loving this man, I so endearingly call husband, every day that I am blessed to wake up next to him. And reminding myself over and over, “No I.”

No "I" | Twin Cities Moms Blog

Meghan Yancy
Meghan's whole life mantra is living for today and finding joy in your extraordinary ordinary life. It's been a fulfilling calling as she navigates life as a wife, mother and writer. She has been married to her hunk of a husband for 9 years and they have 5 beautiful children together (so far.) Meghan homeschools her 5 children at their home in Brooklyn Park and runs her website while writing her first book. She loves crafting, hiking, reading a good book with a hot cup of tea and having a dance party any time of the day. (Although her sweet dance moves seem to digress more each passing year.) You can follow along with the day-to-day over at her website: www.meghanjoyyancy.com and her Instagram: @meghanjoytoday.

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