Oh, 2016. So many of us are ready to see you go. While there are always good things {and I truly believe that: that within the hard stuff, there are always good things} 2016 rocked my world. I had one truly good month, where my optimism was at it’s usual high point and I lived in a world where the sky was always blue, regardless of what had come before that month. I’ll be honest and say my last 5+ years have been rough, but I always come back to blue skies. To me, they are always there waiting. But after the first month of the year, I got to a place I hadn’t expected, I got news I never saw coming and I was down for the count. For a while. For the rest of the year. And as dark as it was, I did my best to know that while I couldn’t see them, the blue skies had to be there somewhere, right? If I’m really honest, a few times, I lost my hope and those blue skies have only recently come back in bits and pieces, having faced the storm that the beginning of the year brought and another big one this fall. And while this was the hardest year of my life, I grew in ways I never thought I would and started to see a shift happening in myself.
Last spring, I headed out to my usual Saturday morning work session over coffee and was feeling a bit…defeated. I hadn’t even started, but oh, this year. This year had me down in a way where every day, even before my eyes opened, I was done. Even so, I put on my big girl pants and went to work for the morning. My Saturday morning escapes were something I always looked forward to, but not this day, and when I posted about how I felt, a sweet friend let in a little wisdom, suggesting that, as a work from home mom, “If Saturday morning work isn’t bringing you joy anymore, think about making a small change!”
And that shift I’d already started to feel in myself rose up in me again.
If ____ isn’t bringing you joy anymore, think about a small change. Listen, I know there are about five gazillion blog posts about how you shouldn’t make resolutions as you welcome the new year, you should make goals instead. What I’m suggesting is different. What if instead of either, we were just intentional about the life we want to live?
Not too long after that friend’s comment, I started to see so many people posting about this book on social media, and though I bought it months ago, I’ve just gotten into it, and it’s hitting all the things that my heart has been screaming for the past few months.
And so, I’m making changes, and I’m going to live the life I really want to live, not the one I’ve let creep in. And if you think you can’t do at least a little something to change what you’re not thrilled about, why not at least try? I want to take a sabbatical of sorts, but I am in the middle of running two different businesses, and at first the thought seemed absolutely crazy, especially given that these are two very social media-based businesses, an all-consuming wonderful, community-building place that, fed improperly, can come back to eat you alive. Yes…I love that community-building monster, but I need to tame it. And to tame it, I have to be intentional.
I want to spend more time really being with my family, not just living alongside them, I want to read more, I want to write, I want to teach myself how to take a deep breath again, without already being half way through the next activity before I exhale. I want the things I say are important to me: my family, my faith, learning and growing, to be reflected in the time I give them. I want some space.
So, I told the team of one business and the partner from the other, and all are cheering me on. If I’ve done one thing right in all of my busyness, at least it was to surround myself with people wiser than me, that knew far faster than I did that this was a good idea.
One of the stirrings I’ve felt this year is that my identity has been placed in all of the wrong places for too long, and I’m off to find it again. So come February, if you need me, you won’t find me on Facebook, or even in my email. You can find me on Instagram, because let’s be serious, I won’t give up the prettiest part of my phone, and if you text me about your day, I’ll happily dig in and “hang out” in our virtual little coffee date. But if you text me about work, I’ll change the subject and tell you you’re pretty or talk about the weather until you move on to tell me how you really are.
How are you, really? How are YOU? Not, how is your job, how are your kids, how far are you into your to-do list…how are YOU? If you don’t know the answer to that, I’d encourage you to find a little space in your life to rediscover who that is. You don’t necessarily need a month off to find out what that means, but perhaps you need a bit of intentional “me time” each week. Maybe the greatest gift that 2017 will bring you is yourself. But she won’t just pop back into your life, you’ll have to intentionally go looking for her. It may not be easy, but I’d say you’re more than worth it. And I hope you agree.
