Me and pacifiers? We go way back. Like, 18 months back. And in that amount of time, our relationship has been a rocky one. There’s been good times and there’s been bad. There’s been love and there’s been hate.
Today, I hate the pacifier.
It’s a long story, one you probably don’t want to hear.
But, that’s never stopped me before.
When my daughter was three weeks old, my doctor finally told me to go ahead and start giving her a pacifier. Prior to that time, he had wanted me to hold off while I nailed down the whole breastfeeding thing (something about nipple confusion? You know how it is, you have a baby and suddenly your boobs become the center of every conversation…).
I remember the day like it was yesterday (probably because I have a picture of it, just like I do of every single moment in the first six months of my daughter’s life). But, that pacifier? It rocked my world. It was a turning point in my young journey through motherhood. The day my daughter started taking her pacifier, my life changed. I loved the pacifier. I no longer had to fear the stinky eyes shooting laser beams through the back of my head as I carried a screaming baby through the grocery store. I no longer had to whip out my jogging partners to feed the baby in the middle of every outing. I no longer had to hear the pity in the Starbucks barista’s voice as she heard the squelching cries ringing through the drive-thru microphone from the back seat of my car. I could go places. I could do things. I was a free(er) women.
Those first six months, the paci and I were in that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of love. The pacifier was my peace, my quiet, my confidence, and my 10 extra minutes of sleep. Everything was going great until one day, when the internet finally got to me. I started seeing all of the online forums and discussions about when to take away the pacifier. “The sooner, the better!” the internet screamed. And, being the first-time mom that I was, I of course had to do everything “right.” So, that day when my husband came home from work, I dropped the bomb on him.
“We’re breaking up. It’s over.”
“WHAT!?” he exclaimed. “I just can’t believe it! I thought we had a great marriage!”
“No, not you. The pacifier. I’m done with it.” I passionately explained.
“Well, that seems a little abrupt and extreme, don’t you think?” he asked.
“Do you want to deal with breaking the habit once it’s nearly impossible? Do you want your daughter to have a deformed mouth? Do you want her to be the only seven-year-old walking through the school halls with her nook!?” I implored.
And with that, he dropped it. And that very next week, I lived through a pacifier-less hell. I’m not sure my daughter slept at all for seven days straight.
But then, on the 8th day, it happened. A miracle, really. One morning, I put her in her crib for naptime, and she fell asleep! I was astounded. I log-rolled into her room, slowly peered over the crib rail, and gasped!
Just when I thought I had won the battle, my worst fear came true. My daughter had found the only thing worse than a pacifier…
Her thumb.
I had read about those on the internet too, ya know. According to OOMA (the Overly-Opinionated Moms of America), thumb-sucking was the absolute worst, second only to feeding your child processed deli meat before age nine. And so, just as fast as the relationship had ended, the pacifier and I got back together.
Fast forward 12 months.
Today, the gig is up. The walls are down and the beloved pacifier has shown it’s true colors. It wreaks havoc on our day. The day I stopped breastfeeding when my daughter was a year old, her obsession with the paci grew. And instead of being in control of our day, the pacifier took over.
Just as soon as my daughter could talk, she dubbed the pacifier her precious “bayau” and refused to do anything without it (and yes, that nickname is as random to me as it is to you). We tried banning it for everything but naptime and bedtime, but she learned how to sneak into her room and get it out of her crib using her toy train and sheer willpower. We tried to hide it, but she cried and flailed and arched until we gave in. She was obsessed. It was like her own portable boob. I heard “bayau, bayau, bayau” from the moment we took it away until the moment it was back in that sweet little mouth. I had nightmares about the pacifier. Call me a bad mom, but it became so much easier to just let her have it than to live through the constant outbursts.
But, today is a new day, my friend. Today, I’ve made a decision. I’m going to take back control of my life and ensure my daughter doesn’t end up in the Book of World Records for longest pacifier use in the history of one human life. I’m going to go where most moms have gone before. I’m going to end this relationship once and for all.
So, wish me luck. I’m going to need it if I really want to say goodbye for good this time.
…at least until baby #2 comes along.
5 comments
May or may not help….but an old idea/tip from a 50 something year old who now longs for the grandparent stage. By the way, loved your sweet story and could definitely relate way back when. Our trick, learned from some wonderful source who I cannot recall, was this. Snip off the end of the paci. Just a bit. Then the next day snip off a bit more, and so on and so on. It soon becomes a little stub which cannot be held in their mouth. All of our kids, and there were 4 of them, ended up on about the 4th or 5th day handing it back to me saying, “broken”. And with that it was done. 🙂 I explained “you’re all grown up now and “too big” for it I guess.” Worked for us so may be worth a try. 🙂 Good luck!
Ha! My husband is adamant about not using the pacifier, so we haven’t yet and probably won’t. But I have to say, if this kid started sucking his thumb I don’t think I’d break him of it, at least not yet. I do remember my own mom trying to break that habit on us when we got to be 3 or 4, but it wasn’t the end of the world. And, the only one of my siblings who didn’t suck his thumb was the one with the mouth issues and the retainer and braces and etc…so I’m not all so sure that the thumb sucking isn’t what kept our mouths straight!
With that being said, this is the internet and I’m just another opinionated mom. 😉 My opinion generally being to ignore all internet mom opinions that don’t agree with mine.
Good luck mama!! I’m sure with a little determination and patience you can break that habit. My son never really took to his pacifier. I hardly have it to him, only as a last resort while driving, and then he just never wanted it. He is now 13 months old and still nursing on demand for the most part (but pretty much only to go sleep), so I’ll have to break him of that sooner or later (I’m thinking later) without using a pacifier and hopefully without creating a thumb sucking habit. Again good luck!
I, too, snipped a teeny-tiny amount off the end of my daughter’s pacis when we were ready to wean and it worked like a charm. She was also obsessed with them and she’s very strong-willed so I was anticipating some pretty epic meltdowns and tantrums. There were none. NONE!!! We let her have them as usual, but every few days I’d snip just a tiny bit more off. She was confused, but we just explained they were “broken.” In about a week she gave them up on her own, no big deal. I plan on using the same method when we wean our third child.
First, I LOVE every post. I swear you ate writingabout my life. All of your posts just seem to fall inline with what’s happening here…my daughter (22 months) doesn’t know it, but her binky days are fleeting. As soon as we get back from vacation we are going to “gift” them to a baby, cause she’s a big girl and they need to be “all done”. If she gets one outside of her crib, she walks around with it like a stogie in her mouth. It’s time…at least I hope. I will go back if needed due to fingers in the mouth…can’t take those away! Good luck!