Twin Cities Mom Collective

On Puppies and Being Loved Intensely

The day my son was born, just over two years ago, his brand-new daddy made a run to the hospital gift shop. He returned with a small yellow puppy stuffed animal that looked very much like our beloved golden retriever at home. That little puppy was placed in the bassinet with our tiny little boy, and it pretty much hasn’t left his side since. Puppy is a mainstay around here – there will be no sleep without puppy. Puppy guards over every meal. Puppy’s ears are rubbed and threadbare (as is his little tail). Puppy is a sweet reminder of that first day, the day our lives changed and I became a mama.

A couple weeks ago, we had a lost Puppy scare. We couldn’t find him for a whole day!! I looked eve.ery.where. in the house and car and grocery store. NOWHERE. I checked the hospital gift shop. I looked online at the manufacturers website. Not even a new one to buy. GAH. We eventually found him (before bedtime, thank God) behind a rocking chair and under a blanket. I don’t even know.

Anyway, I finally found one later that week on eBay! We weren’t even sure it was the right puppy because it looked so clean and yellow and not grimy… but it so is the same one. And look at the difference two years of intense love makes:

TCMB | Anna RendellWhen I saw the two puppies side by side, in person, it made me all teary because oh my word, I’m the puppy. In the past two years of being Sam’s mom, I have been loved intensely. I have been rubbed the wrong way. I have not slept more than I’ve ever not slept. My outside appearance has changed. My guts are softer… and so is my heart.

In being loved hard by my little boy, he’s exposed parts of me that I didn’t used to like, opened my eyes a little wider, stretched me thin, and brought out the best and worst in me. Sometimes I miss the old, safe, non-vulnerable me. But then Sam calls me ‘mommygirl’, and I melt into a puddle, his words able to pierce my heart in a way they wouldn’t have before these two years of intense love.
TCMB | Anna RendellMamas: no matter how many years you’ve been a mom, how many babies you’ve carried, whether in your own womb or first in your heart, no matter where the soft spots are that your kids have exposed in you… we are worn thin by their love and that is ok. It means our kids can see us, and they can see the effect of their hard love on us, and {hopefully} they’ll grow up knowing that no matter what, we know – we can never forget – that they love us.

TCMB | Anna RendellSo on the hard days, in the hard moments, when we just feel plain old worn through and ragged and touched out and loved enough… let’s help each other remember the reason for the threadbare.


Related posts

Reading Tips for Busy Families | New Horizon Academy

Twin Cities Mom Collective

5 Fun Preschool-Age Field Trips in the Twin Cities

Rachel Nevergall

To the Kid Who Told My Son the Truth About Santa

Erin Statz


Michelle Butler February 6, 2014 at 9:44 AM

WOW! I loved this…so perfect! Absolutely perfect!

anna {girlwithblog.com} February 6, 2014 at 3:37 PM

Thank you Michelle, for your kind words!

Kate February 6, 2014 at 12:24 PM

Six months before G was even born, before even the world knew that there was a babe in my belly, I found a plain light brown bear that became the first gift I ever purchased for this beloved life growing inside me. On his first day home, I placed it in his crib and it never left his side for years following that day. It was slept on, peed on, barfed on, washed, fluffed, washed again and dragged everywhere by my boy. It wore a diaper for a long time, too, just to be like my boy in his diaper. It rode in the stroller, in the car, in the shopping cart. It was an extension of his hands, like mine, gripped in his tiny fingers.

When he got older, he stopped needing Bear everywhere he went, but that bear still slept next to his pillow every night. Then came the year that Bear went on a bookshelf, instead of the bed.

Now my boy is nearly 20. Where do you think Bear resides? Right there in his room, old, worn, kind of smelly and loved to death. My boy doesn’t really need Bear anymore, but, in his own words ‘I can’t get rid of it.’

Here’s to a lifetime for your Boy, and for Puppy; for bedtimes and stroller rides and eventually, next to a pillow, then a bookcase. In the heart forever, from day one.

anna {girlwithblog.com} February 6, 2014 at 3:37 PM

Cheers to that, friend. =)

Hayley February 7, 2014 at 11:26 PM

Wow, I love this so much. What a beautifully written post and perfect pictures to accompany.


Leave a Comment