Lessons From an Accidental Soccer Coach

Yeah – I used to be a soccer mom. Then one day – BAM – I was promoted to the soccer coach. My resume? It’s pretty stacked. I know what shin guards are, can tie cleat laces in fancy double knots, and explain once again that, yes; you do have to tuck in your jersey.

Okay, so it wasn’t that accidental. Excessive optimism – a self-diagnosed disorder –collided with a moment of weakness, and my can-do attitude replied to an email plea for more parent coaches. That’s how it really happened.

Now, my husband and I have four kids. Those four kids are currently on four different soccer teams, split between two parks, covering five days a week. Ufda! Before you pass this off as an I-am-way-busier-than-you rant, I fully admit that we chose this. We signed them up knowing full well our schedule would be absolutely crazy but think the benefits are totally worth it.

On a particularly stressful evening of filling out the family calendar – games here, practice there, you bring them, I’ll pick them up – my husband turned to me and said, “ Why are we doing this? Just getting them there is enough but coaching on top of it? I don’t know. Maybe it’s too much?”

Truth be told, I was feeling a bit submerged and overwhelmed, and not just about the schedule. I was facing my first practice, and one very tiny (almost insignificant) gap in my resume was…well…I hadn’t actually ever played soccer besides in gym class.

For the next week, I binge-watched YouTube videos of soccer drills and skills and collected practice outlines to help launch my coaching career in the right direction. I was definitely feeling the stress of something new and knowing I was unaware of what was ahead. What was I thinking? Why subject myself – voluntarily – to more stress?

Sometimes stressors come to us rather than being things that we decisively choose. Like this cold virus I inherited from my children. I didn’t ask for them to sneeze in my face, drink out of my cup and wipe snot on every corner of my pillow. Nope, but those sweet little petri dishes had other plans.

The same happens with the start of school. I could’ve used at least another week of summer to get organized, find that backpack that’s buried in the closet, and find tennis shoes that will last more than a month. But no one consulted me on dates for the first day of school.

Those are stressors that just happen whether we’re ready or not. We need to grab our mental inner tube and float along the lazy river of life, trying to catch up to our brains and our schedules as soon as we are able. But for me, coaching soccer is a chosen stressor. I deliberately added something to my margin-less life. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Let me tell you why:

• I was going to be at the field anyway. Beyond making practice plans and sending emails to parents, it really doesn’t add that much more to my life. More time upfront and more responsibility but a small price to pay time-wise.
• It forced me to learn something new. I’ve always had an interest in soccer but never had a reason to learn it well. Yesterday afternoon I perused the Internet for videos on soccer kicks. Then I spent 20 minutes outside practicing them. There is no way I would be doing this if I wasn’t coaching. I am engaging my brain in new ways and gaining confidence in a new skill. (Sorry, honey – I cracked the siding on the garage. On the bright side, I figured out the driving kick!)
• I am building bonds with my kids. I coach my daughter’s team and get to spend an hour 3 days a week doing the same thing she does, not to mention the conversations we have to and from the fields. Also, I agreed to coach my pre-k son’s team if my kids would be the assistant coaches. Not only does my little guy love it, but also I get to teach and empower my kids to teach and empower others!
• It feeds my soul. I am outside, working with youth, encouraging, challenging and loving on everyone I can. This feeds my soul. It feels good to give and this is an avenue where I feel purpose. I love that.
• It gives me exercise. This is a value of mine, but it seems to be the hardest to fit into my life. So, I run with the kids, play with them, kick with them and stretch with them. It’s a built-in, multi-tasking workout!

Let me be clear – I am NOT saying you should coach soccer or overload yourself just because the opportunity arises. Saying no is just as healthy as saying yes. What I am saying is not all stressors are created equal.

How are you feeling right now? Where are you on the stress spectrum? Can I suggest some ways to help you re-evaluate the mess of stress?

Name your stressors. Write them out. Put into words the things that are causing stress in your life. Some are unavoidable like health concerns or necessary life changes like moving. But when I do this for myself, I see the scope of all that is going on right now. I then can look at the list and say, “Wow – I am doing pretty dang good considering all the stress I am under!”

Cut out stressors that aren’t necessary or don’t benefit you and your family. This may be long term or short term. Opt out of an activity. Take a break from volunteering. Make home-life easier by forgoing the dirty dishes and buying paper plates and frozen meals from Trader Joes. Find what works now, for this season. Last year, I spent soccer season sitting on the sidelines, enjoying much-needed adult conversation and relationships. At practice, I went for walks, found a sunny spot to sit and let my mind rest and wander. I even wrote a few of these blog posts watching my son do toe touches and corner kicks. This year, I craved more involvement with my kids, growth for me as a person, and a chance to empower youth in my community.

Release yourself from the guilt of feeling stressed. Life is full of stressors. If you are a human being, feeling no stress is not an option. But managing the stressors around you will allow you to find balance and evaluate what is worthwhile and what is not. Good stressors are still stressors – even the good things take time, effort and complicate things. But could this stressor also help you reach other personal goals and desires like coaching soccer did for me? Probably the biggest stressors in my life are my kids! That doesn’t make them bad. I realize that motherhood is a worthwhile stressor that both drains me and feeds me. I would choose that kind of stress any day of the week because I see the results far outweigh the stress of the effort.

Maybe being an accidental soccer coach isn’t for you. Maybe motherhood is enough right now. But there will come a time when you are ready to add…something. That something is out there – something for you. And when you find that “something worthwhile” that feeds your soul – say yes to it and enjoy the benefits of good stress. I think you’ll be glad you did.