In my experience there are two camps. Well, at least two that are worth talking about here.
There is the camp of parents who absolutely refuse to schedule any after school activities for their children. Their feather’s bristle at the mere mention of “calendar,” “schedule,” or “registration fees.” Their mantra is let kids be kids. “Go run in the sprinklers, dig in the sand, and make sure you eat your dinner at 5 and you are in bed by 7.”
They are the stark contrast to the other camp of parents who manage their kid’s calendars down to the last minute. These kids are in band, soccer, dance, swimming and gymnastics, and that is just their weekday schedule. On weekends, they have basketball and softball. Somehow they manage to eat dinner on the go and finish book reports in the car. They are on the go more than they are at home… AND they all prefer it that way!
Today, (although not to the extreme) I think our family leans more towards the second camp. However, a long time ago I think I would have considered myself a bonafide member to the first camp described. Of course my children were barely out of utero when I claimed membership, but never the less, I thought I knew it all when it came to kids and extra curricular activities. To put it mildly, I (embarrassingly so) believed that “activities were ridiculous, and those parents who succumbed to culture’s peer pressure were equally ridiculous.” I couldn’t fathom driving my kids all over town, giving up our precious weekends, or spending all of our extra income on ballet shoes and soccer cleats. It was easy to sit on my critical, haughty pedestal when I literally had no framework and was living in my own shoes, not the mom’s next to me.
However, these days? I find it almost humorous that I am eating my judgmental thoughts, AND fielding critical, hurtful comments coming from the camp I used to belong to.
Comments such as,
“Your daughter REALLY dances three times a night, and practices every night in between? When does she play?!”
(That is code for : ” When is she allowed to be a kid?”)
“You spend HOW MUCH on her tuition? I’m saving for college, thank you very much.”
(That is code for: ” You are irresponsible with your finances.”)
“Family time is so more important to us, than our kids hobbies.”
(That is code for: “Your family is not a priority.”)
“What a waste of time and resources.”
(That is code for: “Your efforts are ridiculous.”)
“Education is way more of a priority than kicking around a soccer ball.”
(That is code for: “You must not really care about your kid’s education.”)
…and those are just the face to face comments. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what is being said behind my back. Us moms can be brutal to each other can’t we?
I get it. I really do. I’ve heard every argument, and have been on both sides of the fence. What I know now however, that I didn’t know before is that every family is unique, and every family’s situation is different. What is a priority to me doesn’t necessarily mean that it is a priority to you. And that should be enough to make my choices ok. And YOUR choices ok.
My daughter’s proud and confident smile on stage means little to you. You haven’t seen the passion for dance that has been birthed deep inside her, nor have you witnessed the radical transformation that has taken place in her life. She was born to be on that stage dancing, and I have very little doubt that if she works hard, applies herself, and continues to follow her hearts desire , that dance will forever be a part of who she is.
I am 100% a believer in helping my children’s dreams become a reality. I have a daughter who wants to be a professional dancer, a son who wants to be a professional soccer player, and another daughter convinced she will be an olympic gymnast. I’m not about to stand in their way of success. So if that means eating dinner at 8pm, and finishing homework at 5am so be it. I will work as hard as I can, give as much as I am able, and sacrifice my own desires to see theirs come to fruition. This is what moms do. We give our all to our kids.
I know that extra curricular activities have a bad rap, but in defense of them, here are the reasons why I personally think they are worth the time and financial investment:
- Most extra curricular activities include an abundant amount of physical exercise. I love seeing my children in the studio or on the soccer field. I’d much prefer them moving than sitting on the couch with an iPad in their hands.
- They are learning how to work with others on a team and be a supportive and encouraging individual. A skill that will follow them into adulthood.
- They lose. Yep. This is a big one for me. They learn that sometimes they fall. Sometimes they miss the goal, but it’s not the end of the world. Just a stepping stone to success. This is a lesson that I am STILL learning. I am thankful that they are getting a head start.
- They are learning how to set goals and what it really takes to achieve them. They know that success isn’t given to them, but it is earned. They are learning how to be responsible with their commitments, and manage their time.
- They are gaining confidence, self worth, and courage. I am beyond thankful for the mentors and role models in their lives that are echoing our words of encouragement to them. They are stronger individuals because of it.
I’d like to know…what camp of parents do you belong to? And why?
2 comments
I grew up in camp number two, where we were constantly on the go. But that being said, we also had plenty of time at home to play outside with our friends.
Now that I am a mom of three, we find ourselves currently in camp number one. I do like having an open schedule where we are not constantly on the go and we can do things spontaneously and keep some things (like church) on a routine. As our kids get older, I am sure we will start to add activities to their schedule, but at this point our finances do not allow for that.
I grew up in camp 2 and definitely sit in camp 2 with my son. it is a proven fact that children that are involved in extracurricular activities do better in school and are more successful. In a year of soccer he a grown tremendously, he has learned how to deal with kids (we had aggression issues at school when other kids would challenge him), how to win, how to lose, and how to play as a team. My son beams on the soccer fields!! He has become so much more confident through gymnastics, and learned about patience and perseverance. These are not his only sports but just a few and the differences I’ve seen have been remarkable. Yes, I did try to encourage sports that his body type fit into (he’s skinny and average in height at best) so I didnt introduce him to a sport that would cause frustration down the road (no basketball if he’s playing with tall kids and he’s short this is frustrating, know this from years of being the short girl on the volleyball court and always wanting to be the hitter but always ending up the setter). The gains my son has gotten out of extracurricular activities in just a few years has been enormous, I can’t understand why someone would want to deny their child of these gains.