I Teach My Kids to Talk to Strangers

My kids are only 3 and 4 years old so in the parenting world, I’m kind of a rookie. I get it. But I heard someone say to their child recently, “Don’t talk to strangers” and it got me thinking. Why?

Now of course I have taught my children to never get in a stranger’s vehicle. We have rules about them taking anything from a stranger. And since they are young, they also know I always need to be able to see them when we are at a park or any public place. No running away or hiding, even if it’s to adjust your underwear or pick your nose. But have you ever met someone without first talking to a stranger?

As far as I can tell, babies are not born with a fear of people. They learn fear from what is spoken to them and over them, and from the behavior they see around them. Sometimes it seems that the older a child gets, the more afraid they are of meeting people and being in social situations. I personally struggled a bit with confidence and courage when it came to meeting new friends as a child and even as a teenager. I was homeschooled and awkward and had absolutely no fashion sense. Like seriously, none. I had to work on my people skills in order to be comfortable in all social situations.

Now as an adult and also an entrepreneur, networking and learning to start conversations is one of the key things I need to do to be successful. It’s amazing to me how many adults still seem to be hanging on to the warning to not talk to strangers. So one of the things I determined to do with my children is to teach them to make friends. Right or wrong, I want my girls to have great social skills with people of all ages. I like the idea of them having the courage to take charge of a situation and introduce themselves to new people. Instead of teaching them to be afraid, I’ve tried to tell them these things instead.

We make friends everywhere we go

From those first few days after they were born (granted, I don’t remember everything all that clearly, the sleep deprivation was REAL) I have told them this and then modeled it to them. What I realized is that everyone is a stranger at one point – but then WE MET THEM. And then they became acquaintances, some became friends, some became best friends, and for me, one even became my husband! Glad I didn’t run away from him or I wouldn’t have kids today.

We do not operate in fear

I recognize that there are dangers in the world and I have conversations about those things with my girls. But I also don’t want my children to have fear about unnecessary things – like saying hi to someone new. If they feel cautious about a situation, I don’t force them into it, but I also try to talk them through what they are feeling and why, and remind them there is nothing to be afraid of.

You are bold and courageous

All kids have different personalities and my house seems to be full of people who think they are in charge…? But I actually love that. I want strong, confident children who have no problem speaking their minds and eventually leading others. (Although I do wish sometimes they were a little less bold when they are yelling hello to people in the grocery store.)

Kindness is contagious

It’s hard to go a day without hearing about bullying or hate, so kindness is the rule in our house. And even modeling that to my kids by complementing them makes a difference. When I choose kindness to people around us, I know it’s rubbing off when my daughter says, “That was kind of you, mom!” when I hold a door for an elderly man at the gym. A lot of social skills, to me, is simply learning to be nice to people. Everyone loves a person who is kind to them. It continually amazes me how people light up when you notice something about them. Even a compliment from a 3-year-old can make someone’s day.

So I tell my kids to talk to strangers everywhere we go. And they do. Sometimes it’s a little over the line, especially when they start asking people’s marital status, middle names, and where they got their shoes. Once my older daughter wouldn’t leave the target checkout line because the woman helping us refused to tell her how old she was. Then the clerk joked that she was 21 and my daughter was NOT buying it and demanded to know why she was lying to her. Eeek! Had to really put my persuasive skills to work to get her away from that one. My girls also become very convinced that all babysitters are their best friends and truly just come to see them. When they push us out the door and say “have fun mom” I actually like that they are so comfortable and confident when I have to leave them.

But truly, I love that my kids notice people. I love that they want to talk to them. And I love that they are bold and confident in their belief that everyone around them could be their next best friend. That actually happens frequently – my daughters tell me someone biking by our house is their new best friend. When I ask them what their name is, they respond that they don’t know – they haven’t met them yet.

How about you? Do you teach your kids to talk to strangers, and what funny stories have resulted? 

Anna retired from a job in real estate to become a full time entrepreneur at age 29. Now in her mid-thirties, she’s a wife, mom, homemaker, writer, business owner, and professional shopper – but just for her own personal wardrobe. Her two girls, London (age 4) and Leighton (age 3) are her daily sidekicks and accompany her to all their favorite places – the gym, the malls, church, the grocery store and Target on a (mostly) daily basis. They live in St. Michael and love their daily adventures together.