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Twin Cities Mom Collective

I Scheduled My C-Section and I Don’t Feel A Tiny Bit Guilty About It

I just got off the phone with the nurse coordinating my scheduled C-section, which will happen at 39 weeks on the dot, and couldn’t be more excited. What!? Excited? Are you even allowed to say that about a C-section? Well, I am. Yes, you get to be excited and no one should tell you otherwise, because that C-section means your BABY is coming and if you’re not allowed to be excited about that, then something is wrong with the world.

I Scheduled My C-Section and I Don't Feel A Tiny Bit Guilty About It | Twin Cities Moms Blog

When it comes to birth, pregnancy and parenting in general, people have LOADS of opinions, don’t they? And most don’t seem to feel even the tiniest bit of trepidation in telling you aaaallll about those opinions. Tell me you haven’t heard a long diatribe about at least one of your friends or colleagues on their opinions about birth and I’ll give you a medal – I don’t know how you’ve avoided it!

I’m planning my fifth delivery experience, and yes, I have scheduled a C-section, and yes, you better believe I am crazy excited about it. I have my reasons and I’ll tell you about them, but should I have to?  I’m not dumb enough that I’m not also a bit nervous – it is major surgery after all, but more excited than anything else.

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I met a few friends for breakfast and when the topic of her birth came up, I suddenly felt overwhelmed and outnumbered. You see, I mentioned that I had multiple options available to me and yes, I was leaning towards a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), but I was also considering simply scheduling her birth. After all, I knew what a C-Section entailed, I’d had an amazing experience and fairly easy recovery, so why not add it to the list of options. That statement started a conversation that made me feel trapped and want to leave immediately. I was given statistics, reasons why one of my choices was a bad one and felt completely on the defensive the entire meal.

When you hear someone tell you they’ve schedule a C-Section, do you automatically assume they’ve made a poor choice, or do you assume they know what’s best for their family and their baby? Do you feel the need to pound them with information, or do you tell them congratulations because they’re looking forward to meeting their little one?

I could tell you I’ve scheduled this C-Section because I’ve already had two and I’m not interested in trying for a VBAC this time, not to mention that VBA2C (a VBAC after two cesareans) is not often allowed for safety reasons.

I could tell you that my oldest daughter was 11 lbs, my hips did not move as they’re supposed to one bit, and after 24+ hours of laboring and more, my baby’s heartbeat was dropping and she hadn’t moved even a moving a millimeter, so without a C-section, we’d likely both have died.

I could tell you that I’ve had two amazing recoveries from my previous C-Sections.

I could tell you that, well, after not birthing any large babies, everything is still the same as it always has been down there.  I’ve heard about episiotomies and more and I have no problem with all of that not being a part of my experience.  Some women are made to feel they need to birth a child in some misguided attempt to “prove” they are a mother and a woman – I already know I am both.

I could tell you that my two C-Sections brought me my two beautiful girls and my two vaginal “births” were those when I delivered my stillborn babies, so the idea of experiencing another “natural” birth makes me hyperventilate a little bit.

I could tell you that while pregnant my blood platelet count drops dramatically, and during one of my “natural” deliveries, I nearly bled out and ended up need a large blood transfusion, so I sometimes wonder if C-Sections actually save my life.

I could tell you that I chose to schedule at 39 weeks rather than 40 or 41 weeks because the other date I was offered is the same day that I delivered a quiet baby two years ago and I’d love to give this baby his very own, very happy day.

I could tell you all of these things when we’re in casual conversation about when my baby will arrive, but should I have to? Should any mother have to explain why she’s chosen a certain path for her birth to any other mother?  I’ll be honest, it baffles me as to why others’ choices regarding the birth of their babies have become so important to some people. Maybe we all need to worry less about the how and worry more about the who – a beautiful, sweet baby you get to leave the hospital with.

I view babies and birth like marriage and weddings. Brides-to-be often tend to think so much about the wedding that they forget the most important part is the marriage. Perhaps we could stop this one little part of the so-called “Mommy Wars” if we all stopped to remember that while the birth is an important and beautiful part of the process, the baby and the parenting that follows birth is the more important part.

Maybe you didn’t have the birth experience you were hoping for – maybe you didn’t go through a birth experience at all and your baby grew in your heart. It’s okay to be disappointed, and especially if your heart was set on a certain type of path to motherhood, maybe you need a little time to grieve that. My only wish for you is that you remember who now lives in your home and what comes next. After all, no matter how you label your birth, the end result is the same – you’ve left the hospital with your sweet baby. And isn’t that all that really matters?

I Scheduled My C-Section and I Don't Feel A Tiny Bit Guilty About It | Twin Cities Moms Blog

**I am not a medical professional and am not suggesting a C-Section is the path for your birth – you should always consult with your trusted care team about matters such as this.  These are my own, very personal reasons and I assume they apply only to me, and everyone has their own reasons for their choices.  Whatever path takes you to your baby, I celebrate you and your little one and hope we can all do the same for each other.

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12 comments

Patti June 21, 2021 at 5:00 PM

Thank you so much for this. I schedule my c section today (after initially planning on a vbac) after a lot of thought and conversation with my husband about the many factors in our lives that made this the right choice. But I was still feeling worried about the judgement I might receive because there was no real “reason” for it other than we decided that it was what was right for us. So honestly just thank you.

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