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Twin Cities Mom Collective

I Need Them

I Need Them | Twin Cities Moms Blog

Last night my husband peeked his head into our bedroom door, where I have been hiding out for days, desperately trying to finish a project that’s deadline was looming. Life up to that point had been chaotic and rushed. Filled with deadlines, drop offs, weekend shoots, days editing, helping with homework, making lunches and dinner, and battling housework that never ended.

I was stressed. But more than that. I was feeling this deep ache for my children. I missed them. Of course, I was with them everyday, taking care of them and micro managing their lives like mamas do. But I needed more than that.

I needed board games after dinner. I needed long never-ending cuddles on the couch. I needed to hear their stories, watch them draw, and see them create. I needed to paint their nails, and braid their hair, just because. I needed to watch them fight dragons, and twirl around the living room like ballerinas and princesses. I needed to soak in every last chubby, sweet, and cute part of them.

They seemed fine with our current crazy schedule. Daddy was doing a great job at filling my shoes temporarily, it was me who needed more time with them. But at the moment life was against me.

“Honey, Bean is ready and waiting for you to say good-night to her.”

I sighed. Not out of frustration, of my work being interrupted. But out of guilt and sadness. Guilt that another day had gone by that I was unavailable, and sad for all that I had missed that day.

I quietly slipped into her room, lit softly from her bedside lamp.

“Hi mommy.” – Her sweet voice filled the room and my heart.

“Hi lovey.”

I sat down on her bed, and she looked up at me with those deep blue eyes. Her hair was wet and fresh from the bath, and she looked so tiny amongst the comforters and pillows that seemed to swallow her up.

I knew that I should’ve probably made the goodnight quick. My work was still waiting for me. But I couldn’t leave her.  I stroked her face, and kissed her head a thousand times, as she told me about her day, about the week ahead, and about her new found love for reading.

I let my hands get all tangled up in her baby soft hair, our foreheads touching, as she had wrapped her little arms around my neck, not in a hurry to let me go. I could have drank in that moment forever…

“Sing me a song Mommy.”

And so I did. In my best tone deaf voice, I quietly sang to my little one all tucked in for the night.

I sang because I needed that moment just as much as she did. I am my children’s mommy, and they need me. But they are my children, and I need them.

I left her bedroom last night feeling filled to the brim. And it got me thinking…

What in my life is distracting me from these sweet moments? What in my life is keeping me from truly being present in the everyday? What in my life is keeping me from savoring every joy that mommy hood brings?

My children are 11, 9, and 6. These are questions that I need to answer now, before they are all grown and raising children of their own.

So today, I am going to sit down, make a list of my priorities, and you can be sure that they will be at the very top.

Because they need me…

And I need them…

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1 comment

Heather December 7, 2015 at 8:21 PM

This really resonated with me. I find myself distracted and (too often) frustrated throughout the day. But, there are many nights where I feel I have to pull myself away from my children. I rock and sing to my two year old son a little longer, as I hold him close and breathe him in deeply. I read to my kindergartener, as we snuggle in her bed. Some nights, I’ll lay with her for so long that I fall asleep in her twin bed. I can feel my stress level decline in those moments where nothing else matters. I need to make time for more of these moments throughout the day.

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