I am convinced the worst time of the day for any mom is bedtime. Not your bedtime, no, that’s heaven on earth. No, I mean your child’s bedtime. At least, that’s how it is for me. Can we all agree that after a full day of changing diapers, cleaning bottles and fighting your child into their car seat like they’re a rabid squirrel, bedtime is just one task too many? Besides the act itself, there’s anxiety that creeps in. Wondering if she will take her bottle? When will she finally stop taking her bottle? How long will she cry tonight, and if she doesn’t cry, will I be sad that she’s growing up too fast?
Early on in my pregnancy, my therapist gave me advice. She told me to learn to let go as a mom and to do my best to support the relationship between my baby and their father. I ruminated on this awhile and decided to let my husband put our baby to bed. Every. Single. Night.
Yes, you read that correctly. My husband puts our sassy one-year-old to bed every night. She is now a year old and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve done it. I have no idea what their routine is, what nerdy sci-fi book he’s reading to her, if he puts her to bed drowsy or already asleep. I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care. At 7:15pm, you can find me cuddled up on our couch watching my show and sipping tea. If the baby is crabby or sick, if she fights sleep, whatever it is, I am still off duty.
Let me explain the reason why I choose to parent this way (besides my addiction to Law & Order). I think it’s important in our society to challenge the idea that moms are, or should be, the sole caretaker for children. When I talk to other women about their experiences in motherhood, one common thread is that we often feel we are carrying all the weight of the family. This isn’t a burden that should be shouldered by mothers alone.
In today’s world of Instagram and Facebook (both of which I’m addicted to), we often only see a fellow mom’s highlight reel. We see her cute kid posing for the photo, wearing a clean, put-together outfit and a toothy grin. We see a perfectly cooked breakfast spread across their granite countertop, awash in the golden morning sunshine.
But us moms don’t post the nightmare moments. The meltdowns over not being allowed to lick the lotion bottle or bite the dog’s tail repeatedly. The candid moments of our kids in food-stained onesies and mismatched socks. The times we literally just need to scream because we can only pick up your sippy cup so many times before WE GO INSANE!
We don’t post about the pure exhaustion we feel or admit to feeling motherhood burnout. I hope I haven’t lost you all because I’m about to make my point. Motherhood is hard, and I have my limits. I know that for me it’s important to be able to practice healthy boundaries, even in my immediate family. Boundaries that make it easy for me to have time daily for self-care and reflection. Boundaries that make me a better mom.
The point of this isn’t to tell you to not put your kid to sleep. The point is to tell you that it’s okay if you don’t. It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to call on your village for help so you can focus on yourself. Your children will learn the importance of radical self-care and self-love by modeling it to them. Hopefully when they are older they, too, will learn to have boundaries with the people they love the most.
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