When your child is born into this world, you really get a dose of reality. This job can be hard. The first person that I instantly thought of after having my first child, was my mom. I suddenly had this epiphany and just got it. There was a realization of how much of a sacrifice motherhood actually is. How there is nothing else that compares to this profound joy and sense of purpose in life. I suddenly had soul grabbing gratitude for my mom. When my third son was born, I got thrown this totally new life of motherhood. One I was not expecting.
“God only gives children with special needs to special parents”
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“He was born into the perfect family” are what we heard when he was born.
Luckily, we didn’t get the “Better you than me” or ” I could never do it, I’m not made for this” comments. Sometimes I feel like people view me as a supermom because I am a mom to a child with special needs. I do not feel I am, nor do I want to be seen as one. Our life just looks a little different than yours, but we are all on a very similar path of motherhood.
I take my child to speech therapy and occupational on a weekly basis. He was 4 months old when we started attending the therapy center and has worked so hard since then. We spend two days a week at therapy, which has become our second home. My son loves going there, loves his therapists and we try not to miss any sessions. We may be attending there for many years to come.
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I am not a supermom
Every two to six months, I have to hold my child down with all my might when he needs a blood draw. I also have to hold him down at most other specialty appointments. I turn down any help to hold him because in my arms he is the safest. He knows what going to the doctor means and at three years old already has an anxiety about going there.
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I am not a supermom
I attend IEP meetings, transition meetings, fill out assessments, meet with social workers, fill out disability paperwork, and attend school conferences. During every single one of these, I am constantly reminded of how delayed my child is compared to other children his age. I will be the best advocate I can for him for his schooling and his need to thrive. Since I know my child best, I will be doing this for years to come.
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I am not a supermom
My child is almost four years old. He is not getting this potty training thing. I am bracing for the fact that we may be in diapers and pull-ups for a long while. He can do it but just doesn’t understand the necessity of this life skill yet. It is what it is.
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I am not a supermom
I am the mom out in public looking completely frazzled and about to break down while chasing after a very busy and precocious little boy. My son doesn’t quite know yet that he needs to stay with his family. My other boys, who are luckily close in age, play together and keep track of each other as I am always tending to my youngest. They have no idea how stressed I am when we go on a public outing. We go anyway because every kid deserves a normal childhood. The guilt I feel that my older boys are not getting the same amount of attention from me saddens me. But my kids know I love them and we all end up back home in one piece from our outings. Making memories is everything. Keeping a close to “normal life” as possible is what I am aiming for.
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I am not a supermom
We are the ones at the park on these mom group playdates, who don’t know if they will be judged. Yes, I am the mom at the park who has a beautiful little boy with Down syndrome. For the most part, no one really talks to us or includes us in mom gatherings. Maybe they are afraid I am suffering or am depressed. I am neither. I also have this anxiety that I won’t be included or you won’t let your child play with mine. What leaves me sad is the aftermath of these playdates and meetups. I save my tears for the car ride home. I am just thankful my son doesn’t know yet what it means to be excluded. The day will come when he will understand what it means and feel every emotion a typical person feels when they are excluded. After I wipe away my tears, I remember how happy my son was playing today. It was all worth it, going to these playdates, even though I just knew how it was going to go.
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I am not a supermom
I am just a mom. A mom trying to raise her children right. Raising them to be the best human beings they can be. Yes, raising a child with special needs is difficult but also it is rewarding, just like every other child out there. My family really is on a similar life journey to yours. The paths just look different. If I am a supermom, then also remember you are too. Supermoms will do anything for their child and love them unconditionally. That’s all I strive for. See we do have a huge chunk of our motherhood journey that looks exactly the same. We even have the same exact goals! Different doesn’t mean better, nor does it means worse. It just is different. But looking in, we all find out we are more alike than we are different.
