My Words Are Making Life Harder Than It Needs To Be

I caught myself saying some pretty unnecessary words to my son the other night as I hopped in the shower.

Eager to finally clean up after a long day, I turned to him and said,“I’m going to take a shower buddy, but don’t worry I’ll be quick.”

I caught similar words echoing through our house the next day as I was grabbing car keys. I called out to my husband, “Sweetie, I’ve got to run to the grocery store, but I’ll be quick.

Since then, I’ve noticed I’ll use those three little words while running upstairs or stepping out the front door. I’ll be quick. I’ve said it when I go to change my clothes and I’m sure every time I go to the bathroom. I’ll be quick. I definitely use them when I leave the room or admit I’m going to meet up with a friend. I’ll be quick. I’m sure I always say it when I head to the car. I certainly catch myself saying it whenever I step away from my family or do something for myself, as little or big as it may be.

“I’ll be quick.”

Quick.

Even when it’s not physically possible to be as quick as I’m implying, I’ve noticed I still say it, undoubtedly adding a sense of urgency to a situation that really doesn’t merit it despite the fact that I’ve established the expectation that this, too, shall be rushed. 

I’ll admit, I’m one of those people who loves to do things for others. I’m a helper by nature and love knowing that my family needs me nearby. I’m eager to jump in and help, though I know it’s not always necessary. I have a feeling this adds to my own sense of urgency. They need me and they need me now. Or is it, I want them to need me and I want them to need me now?

Of course, there certainly are times in our lives when we do need to be quick, for matters of safety and health, and obviously we shouldn’t be leaving the little ones unsupervised, but it’s not every time I tell my family I am stepping away for a moment. Especially not when I turn the hot water on for myself or use the bathroom. 

So why do I do it? 

I think it comes down to the fact that I probably haven’t quite mastered the skill of respecting my own time and therefore I haven’t taught my family to either. The truth is, deep down I don’t actually feel like I should have time away from my family to do something for myself, so of course I’m going to reassure my family myself that I’ll be quick. 

I am simply using the wrong words to describe my actions and in turn make my life harder and more rushed by teaching my family that my time isn’t valuable. Simply by misplacing those three little words at the end of a sentence! I’m sure part of me is so used to being right there with them all the time, right away, that I don’t know how to step away for even a quiet second.

Breathe, Mama. Just stop and let yourself breathe.

I don’t really know how to do that so well. 

Time is cramped. We all know this first hand. We know that if  we step away and we are not quick we will most likely return to a bigger mess, a later bedtime, a grosser situation than needed to happen…or…or what? I guess sometimes when I step away I just miss being with them. But come on ladies, not when we’re taking a hot shower! For the mamas with someone who can supervise our children while we step away, they will be OK without us for a few minutes longer because sometimes it’s necessary not to be so rushed. 

And for those of us who find it hard to make changes just for ourselves, here’s the kicker: It’s not just ourselves we are making things harder for. We are teaching our daughters that their time as women must be rushed and frantic, and we are teaching our sons that a woman must work fast to make room for everyone else before even daring to take a hot shower or close the door to the bathroom. These micro-aggressions that we speak against ourselves as women are doing more harm than good, and it’s time to think about the words we use in our home because it affects the well being of everyone.

While they are young we are teaching our daughters how to one day be a woman, and our sons how to respect them. That’s motivation to learn to respect my own sense of time and self. 

Moms don’t need to be quick. Moms need to slow down, let our families try something on their own while we use some of the hot water for ourselves for once because you do deserve it. Give them an opportunity to wait, and in doing so, we may find we are all more present and happy. After all, what they really need is a mom who knows that the act of loving others doesn’t mean denying herself respect in the process. 

What has been helpful to you as you learn to respect your time as a mom?